Disabled And Seeking Structure

[abaci]

I'm a smart person who is functional maybe half of the time. I fade in and out of brain fog and debilitating physical anxiety symptoms. I dropped out of college due to mediocre grades (only due to attendance/participation grades--classes that I could keep up with online I did very well in) and terrible treatment by professors who assumed the worst of me missing classes or seeming "out of it". I've been fired from a string of jobs due to lateness, calling in sick too much/absenteeism, or seeming "low energy" (I've been told that my performance at these jobs was otherwise good).

I'm seeking physical and mental health treatment, but that kind of progress is slow and other than that I feel like I have little control over these things; I just can't commit to being anywhere at a specific time because I might be incapacitated to the point where even if I did manage to make it there all anyone would notice is how spacey I am. Because of this, I haven't even attempted work or education in several months, which has resulted in me being bored and socially isolated pretty much always. I don't like living like this and I'd like to find some way I can be working or learning in a social environment, but I don't want to have to make obligations I can't keep (and repeatedly face consequences for not keeping them).

Does anyone have suggestions for finding somewhere to be that would be tolerant of my limitations?

 

[intothelight]

Abaci,

At this point, working on recovery to a point that you can manage symptoms reasonably should be a goal. Perhaps starting out in a volunteer position would help you ease into a routine and decrease the isolation?

Depending on where you live, there may be vocational rehabilitation available. Talking to your T or even a social worker may be helpful in finding out what options are available.

Wishing you the best.

 

[safenow]

I concur with intothelight. Recovery is important. Getting to the point where you can pull yourself out of the "fog" is vital to your being out and about. volunteer positions are wonderful til you feet back on the ground.

I recommend you read all you can get your hands on regarding the healing of trauma. Read some of the threads here. You'll find lots of good advice and good people with information from things we have tried that worked for us. While everyone is different, some things are all the same. Like breathing, grounding yourself to the present and sleeping. I'm glad you are seeking professional help. Remember, there are lots of different methods now. You're not stuck with sitting and talking about all your problems anymore.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[abaci]

I've had these problems for as long as I can remember, so although I'm seeking treatment, I don't have a lot of hope I'll have some miracle recovery and become the functional person I've never been. I'm trying to build myself a life that's okay with what I've got, so while volunteer work sounds nice as an activity, it's not a long-term solution. Brain fog isn't something you can "pull yourself out of". I don't have a "T" or a social worker; I'm just unemployed and not sure what to do.

 

[safenow]

abaci, there are a lot of self-help books for those of us with trauma. And "fog" is so common for many of us with PTSD. There is hope. I used to go into fogs so deep that I'd not know what I was doing for months at a time At one point even a year or longer. Then, I started getting real help. I had a therapist who filmed my sessions with him. He created a journal of sorts to record what I'd tell him while I was in one of those "fogs".

I have a condition that is called "dissociation" namely Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). Now, they call it Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). While most people with PTSD dissociate from time to time, this is something more serious. It's where the mind, at a very early age - like before 5 years old - went through such trauma it took on a new personality just to be able to handle the pain and trauma. Then, another thing different trauma happened, and it did it again and again and again. Until suddenly we have many different personalities. Because there was no support of any kind, those personalities stayed into adulthood. And because dissociating was what we knew, when new trauma or even just bad life events happened, we would dissociate again and again until it became a way of life.

The normal PTSD "fog" can be helped with the right type of support. And my new friend, you are in the right place to talk to people about that. Most everyone here can tell you about the type of support they have gotten and the results. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold, but there are a lot of bad therapists out there as well. So when the time comes, and you are able to seek professional help, if you don't feel comfortable with the one you have, fire them and get another one. It is your right.

I'm not saying it can change overnight, that is not realistic. But it can change. And that is the good news. If you are willing to put in the work, and really work on it by doing what you need to do, and facing things you don't want to face, you can have a happy future. While there is no cure for PTSD, there is hope. So never, never, never give up.

Safenow

 

[The Albatross]

I'm trying to build myself a life that's okay with what I've got, so while volunteer work sounds nice as an activity, it's not a long-term solution. Brain fog isn't something you can "pull yourself out of". I don't have a "T" or a social worker; I'm just unemployed and not sure what to do.

Brain fog can be improved... I can personally attest to it. Some volunteer positions can turn into a job offer (it happened to me). I did though have to build myself up to be ready for employment. I had to challenge myself and build on my successes. Granted I am only part time employed, but it did happen and for me the adage , "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (Lao Tzu) was how I got there.

I had to break up the long term goal into small achievable action steps... accentuating the things I was good at, and increasing my ability to tolerate things by challenges (short term goals for a set amount of time and duration).

It can happen. It did happen, but it took me some time. I found I was willing to invest the time necessary to achieve the goal. I hope you do too. Best wishes for your success.

 

[anthony]

If you just want to get out and interact to help your recovery, start with volunteer agencies, as they don't typically discriminate... and more the merry normally.

 

[MissMacD]

I have been out of the workforce for 6 months, my trauma took me down hard and I couldn't physically work anymore.

Socializing is tough for me to begin with, when I am not feeling well it is even more challenging. I volunteer when I can at the SPCA and summer music festivals. I look for volunteer work that doesn't have much obligation as my medical state with PTSD is day to day. If I am having a really bad day I can't handle extra responsibility.