ED Disordered eating

[ninja]

The awareness will expand. Patterns will become clearer.
Sometimes we can choose to use food, other times we can choose not to. I think the feelings beneath the food issues are intense and rough going. It's gentle exposure to them that I think we do.

It is tricky also to work at both ends, I still have a bit of a restrictive voice. So just yesterday as I caught myself trying to eat as little as I could that day I decided to go have chocolate, even though I could have easily gone without it. Because I'll be damned if that restrictive voice tries to derail the progress made with the growing sense of safety inside.. that comes partially from really knowing and learning there will be enough food.
Standing with you @Disco Dancing Queen

 

[ninja]

My gosh, "gentle" exposure. :rolleyes: Not exactly.

 

[gealach]

The entire month of December is bad for me, lots of anniversary dates and general shi**iness. I was doing pretty well with the healthy eating, until I wasn't, and then I went on a month long food orgy. :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead: I didn't think it was possible to groan and want to run away at the sight of a cookie, but that's where I'm at. I'm so glad December is over.

I hope you all had a better food month than I did.

 

[ms spock]

I believe with PTSD, like any other chronic illness, we have to learn to live with the pain and live so it doesn't color all aspects of our lives. Life isn't all feeling good nor is it all feeling bad, there is a mix everyday with a lot of mundane thrown in. I've spent most of my life "fighting" the pain, trauma, fear, or whatever it can be labeled and in the end, the only thing I have been fighting is me. There are parts of our lives that have been horrible beyond belief, but that was then and all we have is the now.

Unfortunately I am avoiding this now.

What makes you happy? What gives you peace? What gives you a sense of accomplishment? What are your favorite things, activities, etc. Who do you like to spend time with? How do you prefer to spend time? Within those answers lie the framework of the structure of a good life.

I need to write these ones down.

Sometimes I think there is so much focus on fixing the "bad", what is wrong, what we "should" do, we forget that sometimes by living our "good" or "best" life and maybe throwing in one thing to work on, it makes it easier and overall makes life a lot more enjoyable.

I have been avoiding doing the something/s.

You wrote a message to me that hit home and I realized that I needed to forgive myself and let go of what was not mine to hold on to anyway.

Okay

Only its gone further than that, and somewhere inside I have a well of compassion and forgiveness even for those that have hurt me, and one of them in some of the worst ways. I know I am not explaining things well, but be more gentle with yourself and do more of what you want and enjoy and work less.

I have kind of been lying on the red couch dissociated, and binge watching TV, and comfort eating, which is not the best.

 

[ms spock]

I got my partner to buy a whole of comfort food yesterday and spent a lot of time comfort eating. I have just wasted several days doing nothing but binge watching TV, and comfort eating.

 

[Muttly]

Perhaps you can reframe that. You spent a couple days resting, which was needed because December was so hard. You used familiar coping methods to help you through a tough time. In time, you will be able to rest and recharge and use different coping methods.

 

[ms spock]

Perhaps you can reframe that.

Reframing is a good thing to do. Reframing assists with busting down distorted cognitions.

You spent a couple days resting, which was needed because December was so hard. You used familiar coping methods to help you through a tough time. In time, you will be able to rest and recharge and use different coping methods.

I hope so, well the numbing is not working as well as it once was. This morning I flushed the last comfort eating stuff down the toilet. Gosh it is agony to be in my own body, feeling my own feelings. It is really shitty.

Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings - The way it will be (Live @ Jills veranda)

Gillian Welch - Hard Times

 

[ms spock]

I went down to 150 mg of Endep, going up to 200 mg just increased my appetite way, too much. I was just spiralling downwards. There have been a whole range of triggers and stressors, so it is hard to tell. But it really seemed that the benefit wasn't worth the increase in appetite, which is already a mega struggle for me anyway.

 

[ms spock]

I went out and I was offered a dessert sweet, and I was able to say no, quite easily.

 

[ms spock]

Perhaps you can reframe that.

If tattoos weren't such a cliche these days I could get that tattooed on my arm.

As much as I am able to, I have found it helpful to consciously let go of the day at the end of the day.

Another good one to remember!

A really good way to feel happy with the kinds of food your eating is to do your shopping when your feeling the least taxed emotionally and physically and your triggers are as t there lowest. Write a list when you're super calm and sticking to it will help stop too many options becoming overwhelming. Having healthy good vibe foods in the cupboard that you mostly have to cook from scratch is the foundation of a healthy relationship with food. Good luck you'll get there.

This is another good one. Thanks @Finchlet2!

 

[ms spock]

I hope you all had a better food month than I did.

That would be a resounding no from the place I am located in Australia.

Yeah it is not really going well. But I am getting much more awareness. I am more present to how much I am not present.

I find that when I have something sweet, it sets off cravings for days. Are you the same?

That was my downfall. I went to the movies, and had some sweets. It just spiralled down from there.

 

[ms spock]

Okay I have much more of an idea about all this since I started writing this. It won't be easy, but I can crack it. I can do it. Each day is a new day. Each day will fluctuate, and that is okay.

I can do this...

Modest breakfast this morning - one piece of toast - and baked beans.

Last night when the fear of rape kicked in and I comfort ate cherries. I did it more consciously. At least I am feeling the feelings now. So that is a big improvement.

And I am talking more.

I have to stop running around looking for more friends, and etc. I just have to be with what is.

Cup of very thin slices of cocoberry bread and a glass of milk.