ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

I realised too another mistake I have made with my eating, that is, if I dissociate or don't taste or feel the food in my mouth I would keep allowing myself another serve and another serve and another serve and then dissociate again. Now if I miss out I miss out, and I can show my self Self Compassion by doing a Self Compassion Break and not continuously eat more hoping I will be more present next time I ate. That was a trap I used to fall into all the time, and almost did yesterday.

 

[ms spock]

So I was out in a stressful and hot social situation, that was for lunch, and I panicked a bit. At one point I thought the salmon and egg salad looked a bit big (I didn't have to eat the whole salad - but that option didn't even occur to me in the heat of the moment) but that salad was a lot less points than a toasted ham, tomato and cheese sandwich. I will take my time next time, and order later on, and not get so stressed out about it. So each day I am learning a bit more.

I drank a lot of water.

I have done double the exercise points that Weight Watchers recommends for each week, I am pleased about that. I got a lot done this week. I am much more present in my body, and I am much more here in general.

 

[ms spock]

Delayed comfort eating by a couple of hours - then three slices of bread with banana on them. Learning and applying new skills.

I eat way too big portions. Entree size is enough!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Thank you for writing what you do! You "say" what I am thinking, but don't know how to reach the words on my own, if that makes sense?

 

[ms spock]

So I am noticing other people's habituated overeating patterns, now and I can more adroitly sidestep them. So much of eating it habituated patterns of overeating that people don't really notice that they are doing.

I went out for lunch my salad was not available so I chose another option.

Overall I am improving with my eating in all problem arenas. My progress is modest and small, incremental, but it is also real, doable and my own handmade recovery tailored to suit my own particular challenges.

So all the things that I have been doing and working on are improving my ability to learn new and more nuanced skills.

 

[ms spock]

I did not do so well with eating last night, but still it is moderate compared to when I was binge eating. So still improvement all, just a bad patch.

 

[ms spock]

My portion sizes are way too big. Entree size for mains is the way to go, it is a bit adjustment for me.

 

[ms spock]

I engaged in no comfort eating last night. I got back late so I skipped dinner. This is a significant event for me. I can't remember the last time I didn't engage in these behaviours.

I had a hearty breakfast this morning.

 

[ms spock]

I am going for Radical Acceptance in regards to my obesity. I am not happy about it, but I am not unhappy about it. I do want to change, and I will do that with compassion, and kindness, and using all the skills that I have gained.

Things that I have done to assist with changing my life long patterns of disordered eating include:

trauma therapy
David Burns' distorted cognitions (CBT)
exercise
Mindfulness
The Alexander Technique
Creating a safe home for myself
DBT
studying
retraining
Doing the hardest for me things each day to break down my avoidance, depersonalisation and derealisation
Educating myself about nutrition
Journal writing
Self Compassion Breaks
Radical Acceptance
Volunteering
Speaking up
Setting boundaries
Setting up different routines in my day to day life.
Gratitude
Participating in challenges
Learning to play a musical instrument
Joining Weight Watchers - I didn't have any idea of what a reasonable portion size is/was - so that has been educational.

 

[ms spock]

I am now 20 kilos away from mid range my optimum BMI. I am getting closer to not being morbidly obese but obese, and that is such a success for me. I did lose a fair bit of weight last year, and then put it all back on when I ate my emotions, so I am doing better overall, and reaching the goal is not as important as using all my skills, self compassion, Mindfulness and being reasonable about it all with myself. There is no point to beating myself up as it always blows up in my face. I am getting better at nuances, and not overwhelming myself as much. I have more awareness. This will be one of the challenges of my life, and I accept that now and I am no longer so harsh with myself. The corrosive self doubt does not have as a strong hold on me now.

I had two entree sized servings tonight for dinner, I did want to skip but that is not sustainable in the long run. Instead I am going the wise mind middle path. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so best to pace myself reasonably. I am doing okay.

I am also, under medical supervision, tapering off my Endep, so that is another journey. My hope is that the side effect that I have suffered from that increased appetite and slower metabolism will also taper off. Either way, it doesn't matter as I have the skills to use managing this now.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm applauding you @Disco Dancing Queen ! Well done! Really great work. I'm doing work along these lines as well. Will share more as I make notable progress.

 

[ms spock]

So no binging last night, but some snacking but well within what is reasonable and okay in terms of Weight Watchers recommends to eat.

Terrible fear about going to bed, need to do some distorted cognitions busting.