(Diagnosed with PTSD and a dissociative disorder, probably OSDD)
Before yesterday's therapy session things had been pretty calm (not much parts intrusion) for a few weeks. This left me feeling happy and empowered.
Yesterday I had an EMDR session. My therapist knows what she's doing. We were starting and when things began looking more specific to the trauma and fear was recalled my protector stepped in (I know, she is doing her job). My protector explained she was just not sure I could cope with the memories if we kept on going.
After I was back (I stay kind of co-conscious with her, but can't control anything) I started feeling utterly overwhelmed about the lack of control, and also about being aware once again that this may be our reality.
I was SO overwhelmed that a few tears fell down my cheeks for the 1st time in over 3 years of therapy.
I felt kind of ashamed of this all. Asking why this was happening again. And also feeling shocked that I was feeling this way because I thought I was more accepting of this all, and afraid that I may be hurting other parts by feeling like this.
Has anyone experienced shame about dissociating after a calm period? I can't grasp why it was so overwhelming.
My therapist said we might want to talk at the end of every session about what the next target would be, so that everyone feels on board.
Please tell me I'm not alone.
Before yesterday's therapy session things had been pretty calm (not much parts intrusion) for a few weeks. This left me feeling happy and empowered.
Yesterday I had an EMDR session. My therapist knows what she's doing. We were starting and when things began looking more specific to the trauma and fear was recalled my protector stepped in (I know, she is doing her job). My protector explained she was just not sure I could cope with the memories if we kept on going.
After I was back (I stay kind of co-conscious with her, but can't control anything) I started feeling utterly overwhelmed about the lack of control, and also about being aware once again that this may be our reality.
I was SO overwhelmed that a few tears fell down my cheeks for the 1st time in over 3 years of therapy.
I felt kind of ashamed of this all. Asking why this was happening again. And also feeling shocked that I was feeling this way because I thought I was more accepting of this all, and afraid that I may be hurting other parts by feeling like this.
Has anyone experienced shame about dissociating after a calm period? I can't grasp why it was so overwhelming.
My therapist said we might want to talk at the end of every session about what the next target would be, so that everyone feels on board.
Please tell me I'm not alone.