I just re read this and I thought this is girl talk and I didn’t even think of that before when I posted. It says a lot about me psychologically. Now I’m a little? annoyed. So is it implicit that women want your empathy? So that would mean men who want your empathy are more like women?
Like a forgone conclusion about the sexes which is (you guessed it) sexist. Which sucks because I think it’s a valid question.
yes, in generalMen in general, are brought up to be tough and expect toughness from others.
might catch some flak for this but:Vet says it’s okay and he can cope. It’s okay like it is.
not true. Again, i think almost everyone wants that. But if you point it out to them in obvious ways, that you understand they're feeling terrible and feel bad for that, it's moving away from empathy into sympathy and I don't think many people (including women) want that most of the time.But I still think many men don’t want that kind of empathy that you understand they are feeling terrible (if they are)
yeah, for sure.and i think it is actually hard to understand what kind of terrible a person with ptsd feels, like watchful-terrible, hopeless-terrible, stressed-terrible?
it's ok, because he doesnt want sympathy or pity.
its ok, because there's nothing you or he can do anyways so it just has to be ok.
also agree that my disorder shouldnt prevent ppl i care about not enjoying themselves just because i cant partake in stuff. And if you make plans to do something I can't and then say you won't go once you realize I can't, or its obvious you want to go but won't because of me..... well, thats showing sympathy and/or pity, not empathy and no thanks. I'm not going to be the one who brings you or everyone else around me down. nope.
does that not make sense to you?
im trying to figure out if your troubled by his seemingly lack of wanting empathy, or if it's just a philosophical thing you wonder about. If you think it's an inherent flaw or if you're just trying to figure out how to show him empathy he'll accept.
Even after reading all the great posts, this one is hard for me. I think for me maybe more understanding than empathy. I remember one time in a very heated discussion with my wife I said " I wish I just lost a leg or something else physical that you or someone else could see". I also have a few other invisible medical issues to boot. It changed the whole nature of the discussion. I didn't want sympathy, or empathy or pity, I wanted an understanding. Like if I say I can't do something we planned, it's not because I'm "lazy, not interested, didn't want to , so on and so on". It's because I'm in a place that I can't/shouldn't do something due to my PTSD/other conditions. i definitely didn't want empathy at the time. Possibly because I don't want my wife (or others) empathy because I don't want them to feel how I do. I was in a very dark deep place at the time and I would not wish that on anyone. I empathise with anyone who has been there because I know how bad I felt. Although I don't use them too much I do have a couple of PTSD mentors I reach out to occasionally, because I know they have been there, and I know they will provide advice from their own point of view and what worked for them. I changed my view in that I am not on a path to recovery, but a path to self awareness, So I can identify my feelings/reactions etc. sooner and out tools to use to make it out safely.
Thanks, I have a hard time with this because I actually have to deal with those feelings instead of just “getting angry “. I want your empathy if it comes with your love. I never feel bad about why a woman loves me. If it means she doesn’t love me because I’m like that then no. So I guess it depends. As long as she loves me then there must be something good about me. Women soothe me. I’m not sure how it is for other men or most men. It gets more complicated depending on the situation.I don’t know. No, I don’t think that all women or all women with ptsd want your empathy. I think it depends... I guess the women with ptsd on this site could say more about women with ptsd wanting/not wanting empathy... I think in maybe even in most cases they don’t.
I just thought of men (in this case) because on another thread I wrote about how empathy is not always good. For example I notice that my vet is not feeling well (ptsd, is in pain whatever)... does he want my empathy? Well, I think he often doesn’t. So my empathy is often only making me feel worse and is to good for anything. I think Allen’s to a lot of women.
Perhaps there is a men who made a similar experience in his relationship with a woman. Who knows?
I think you're definitely confusing empathy and sympathy.Yep and he doesn’t like that kind of empathy...
Does anyone like these questions?him if he is okay, how he is doing.
I despise these questions.
They aren't asked out of empathy either.
I think you're definitely confusing empathy and sympathy.
Taking pictures of what he's missing, though he might want to see them, is not empathy.
What I do like, is when someone does or doesn't do something quietly, without making it obvious they're doing it because of my limitations.
I think your vet (and possibly quite a few men and women) are the same
Does that make better sense?