Do Others Relate To Never Having Relationships?

[xena21]

I was wondering if others with PTSD, more specifically PTSD from childhood abuse, have suffered by never being able to get close to anyone and therefore never having a relationship? I am curious because I've been to groups with people that have PTSD, at the VA, and they don't have this problem. I haven't met hardly anyone that hasn't ever even kissed someone else. I'm really wondering is it that odd to always be alone? I don't want to be that way, but it's so hard to get close to people. Thanks.

 

[roaminggnome]

I have PTSD for a variety of reasons one of them including childhood abuse. I've never had a relationship. I'm too afraid to get close to anyone. Sex was used against me and it scares me. I haven't kissed anyone. The most I've done is flirt and it stops there. You don't specify what type of child abuse you suffered but mine was sexual abuse. I don't want to be this way either but it's easier than the alternative for me-a relationship. Which would open up another set of problems. So I avoid this part of my life.

 

[arfie]

I often wonder if marriage is the camouflage that lets me isolate even further than I would be able to if I were single. So far as the world can see, I'm not isolated. I'm married...

 

[WillyKat]

arfie nailed it. I've had a couple of bad relationships, then got married because that's what 'normal' people do. But I'm terribly unhappy and really wondering if I'm not better off alone.

And my guess would be that I would be alone. I'm not young anymore, and now that I've said that, in some ways, I never was young at least since age 6.

And yes, I'm a survivor of child (age ~6) sexual abuse.

 

[xena21]

Thanks, I appreciate your responses. I was also a survivor of sexual abuse among other things. It's been such a lonely life trying to do everything as if I never needed any emotional support. I never wanted to depend on anyone or feel vulnerable, so keeping my distance was key. It's just stopped looking so inviting. I'm always so lonely and I look around and see people smiling together and maybe they're not happy but it just tugs at my heart to feel so all alone and out in the world by myself.

 

[bluelicorice]

My trauma is from working overseas beginning when I was 20, so I was already an adult at the time. But, I never had relationships beforehand, and I absolutely can't imagine having any now. I have trouble just being around people and keeping a couple of platonic friends, never mind an actual serious relationship. So even though I don't have the same trauma background, I do get where you're coming from. And it definitely does feel lonely.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I tend to push people away if they get too close when I'm in a relationship, get VERY defensive at times. Have had some end because they either couldn't understand the PTSD or couldn't handle the problems in brings.

Definitely understand what WillyKat is saying about marriage, I too married because I was in search of a 'normal' life when I knew I wasn't 'normal'. Divorced now and probably the best thing for both of us.

 

[Viosinger]

I was mostly emotionally/verbally and physically abused as a kid, so mine's a bit different in manifestation, but the distance part stayed true. I was in and out of relationships & comfortable with being physical, but usually never really opened up or connected with people (dating or otherwise). It was like giving them the shell around me to date or spend time with. It left me feeling lonely even while with people (that part still often happens socially), like I've always been missing some pieces of info to understand connecting.

I'm seeing someone now, and he's... The closest I've ever been to someone. I'm working on the vulnerability part, which requires a level of trust I've never invested before. It's hard, but since I'm already this far in and he hasn't cheated, mistreated me, or run away... I figure and hope it's worth me going out of my comfort area for.

 

[xena21]

I felt so ashamed the other day when my father asked me why I'm not close to anyone. I had no answer for him, and he just looked at me like I was foreign to him. I never lived with my Dad growing up, and have never been close to him, but biologically he's still my Dad. He pretends he's more than he is and always digs in with personal questions that hurt. He has no idea the degree to which I was abused as a child and when I attempted to tell him things as an adult, he couldn't listen to it. So it baffles me why he doesn't understand to just keep his mouth shut and don't ask those questions. Why are people so stupid?

 

[bluelicorice]

Its too bad he's your dad; I tend to avoid people like that when I can. I don't know what to say except that I hope he begins to understand you at some point so things are easier. My therapist told me I need to accept it when other people don't understand because I can't control the actions of others. But it sure would be a lot nicer to have the people closest to us "get it".