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Do people who gaslight ever stop?

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Wow...this sounds so much like the situation one of my close friends is in. And, as everyone has already said, no, he won't stop. I have never met my friend's boyfriend (I refuse to)...but the first time I met her after not having contact for well over 6 months, the way she talked about him and the interactions (she would tell me some things he texted), I could tell right off the bat that he is possessive, jealous and controlling. He comes off as a nice, respectful guy but based on what she's told me about him, he is an abusive jerk. Her family all love him and she's already at an age when, culturally, there's a lot of pressure on women to get married and it seems pretty certain that she will marry this guy. At times, she seems aware that his behaviours are not acceptable...but usually after she tells me something bad he did or said...she sort of goes back and blames herself and minimizes it and even changes the story a bit so it doesn't seem as bad...

She said she has tried to break up with him before but he said he decides when the relationship is over. It's really heartbreaking. There are other issues at play. She has a mental illness and very low self-esteem and either he or her family (or both) seem to have convinced her that she can't do better. She probably does love him too, Apparently he had left once or twice (they live together) but he came back...Who knows, maybe it's just a ploy for her to give in to whatever he want(ed)...

Anyway, the best you can do is try to be there fro her. Gently remind her through actions like sending her the article (though obviously not in a way that will make her feel pressured), As everyone has said, she has to get fed up with it...see it herself...or rather, get to that point where she's had enough. Sorry if this is incoherent. Hugs if you accept them.
 
My best friend met her future husband over 30yrs ago. I met him months after they got together, I HATED him immediately. I wasn’t alone. Everyone of her friends HATED him too and they all, including me warned her to get away from him.

For 30 yrs I’ve listened to her complain, cry, and plan for divorce, and then go right back to blaming herself and then the pattern starts all over again.

He puts her down, belittles her, blames her for everything, has physically abused her then buys her roses.

No, they don’t stop till the person that they use as a target gets away!!!!
 
It seems that a lot of people know what this kind of emotional abuse is like, and what it's like to see a close friend go through it. I really appreciate you all sharing your experiences and advice with me. It's very helpful and I really hope your friends will get away from their abusers.

@reallydown You weren't incoherent at all. It's really awful what's happening to your friend. He seems to be doing whatever he can to manipulate her into doing what he wants. I hope she'll get out before she marries him. Hugs back :hug:

@She Cat Sounds like your friend is also in a "typical" abusive relationship. The abuse and then the sweet gestures, to catch her off guard and make her feel bad for wanting to leave. It must have been really hard to see her going through this for so many years. I admire that you've been there for her all this time.
 
Yes, and looking back her behavior had become very histrionic. I wonder if living with a Narcissistic person if one can actually start to become one themselves?!?!?!?!
 
I wonder if living with a Narcissistic person if one can actually start to become one themselves?!?!?!?!
I don't think the actual narcissistic personality disorder is contagious, but I suppose spending enough time with someone who messes with your head through gaslighting and other abuse will definitely do a number on one's behaviour. Maybe it's a bit like Stockholm Syndrome, I don't know.

@MrMoonlight I don't think one has to be a narcissist to gaslight others. I'm no expert, but I can imagine that some people with borderline personality disorder, for example, may also use a form of gaslighting in order to keep people from leaving them. Only for them it wouldn't necessarily be in order to harm and control the other person, but to avoid being rejected and hurt. Or perhaps the "she" you're talking about has been through serious abuse of her own and thinks that gaslighting is okay.
Anyway, I personally don't think everyone who gaslights is a narcissist.
 
Does anyone know if only narcissists are the only ones who use gaslighting?

In my case it probabl...
Gaslighting is everywhere. Invalidating another person's emotions and/or perspectives is another form of gas-lighting. Although people with personality disorders have turned this into an art form, it is also used by the rest of the population, particularly amongst people with emotionally avoidant personality types who will often unconsciously use gas-lighting without realizing they are doing so. The most common example of this is inavalidating the perspectives of people who are able to accept uncomfortable truths over comfortable lies, because emotionally avoidant people often have difficulty with facing uncomfortable truths. As a person who has in the past displayed some emotionally avoidant behaviors, I can say this with absolute certainty. But yeah, gaslighting is everywhere. Advertising is a form of gaslighting.
 
Gaslighting is everywhere. Invalidating another person's emotions and/or perspectives is another form of gas-lighting. Although people with personality disorders have turned this into an art form, it is also used by the rest of the population, particularly amongst people with emotionally avoidant personality types who will often unconsciously use gas-lighting without realizing they are doing so.

I agree with you about this very much. Thank you for highlighting this line of thoughts.
 
If you don't know you are gaslighting, how can it be gaslighting?
Wikipedia states that
"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief".
The fact that you target someone with a desire to hurt them makes it a conscious action.

Why would advertisers want to destablize and delegitimize us? They manipulate us into believing that we need or want something, but that's not gaslighting, it's manipulation. People manipulate others but that does not mean it's gaslighting.
 
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"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief". The fact that you target someone with a desire to hurt them makes it a conscious action.

Thank you DharmaGirl for that clarification I stand agreed with what you are saying, thanks for correcting my error in thinking.
 
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