Do you ever feel like you just want someone to save you?

[Rose White]

I feel like dysfunctional people want to be the white knights more than sane people. A healthy person will know your work is your own.

This this this, so much this!

Is it possible to substitute the word immature for dysfunctional? In other words, do those people sometimes mature or develop that awareness of a healthy person?

 

[Teasel]

Growing up I really did want a rescuer and for most of my adult life too. I'm sure it's a pretty normal thing for those growing up abused and without anyone safe to turn to.

I know I grew up feeling powerless to get away from abuse and speaking up for myself was dangerous brought me much worse consequences so all my own power was beaten out of me so to speak.

I don't want a rescuer anymore though cause I've worn out that fantasy by finding an endless stream of more n more users and abusers :D

And I'm beginning to learn to take my power back and speak up for myself and so on.

Also I think wanting a rescuer can get tangled up with just wanting good help. It's ironic to me that I couldn't ever seem to find good help when I also had a desire for a rescuer, partly I'm sure me wanting a rescuer would have been sensed by others and made them steer clear of me. And partly I think it got in the way of me being able to receive good help.

I think for years and years I wanted a T who understood these things and could educate me.

Lol I'd prolly still like some of that.

I'm on the waiting list for PTSD help from the NHS now and the first phase is psycho education. We'll see.

But I've decided the only one that can really know me and help me and be responsible for me is me. And it feels good.

 

[katz]

Thank you, LosingHope, for putting into words exactly what I feel. I had to quit therapy, due to financial reasons. So, I have been doing all the work for many years now. I finally came to the conclusion that what I really want is for someone to love me for being "me". --Just like a child would--and deserves to be.

I have done a lot of journaling and lots of exercising to keep myself going thru the years. I even think that I have worked thru "most" of the anger. When ever I get a memory feeling or reminded of my past experiences, I look inward, and ask myself what am I looking for? It always brings me back to tears because now I can clearly see that I missed out on being loved. Some times all I want is a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Is that so much to ask? (I'm tearing up now--sitting here, alone)

 

[EveHarrington]

My polarized self says I either have to do everything myself, or someone is rescuing me.

I'm learning that this is not the case.

I have recently met a number of people who want to help me, and my initial inclination is to RUN because of my mind polarization that tells me if I can't do this on my own, then people are trying to fix me.

I'm trying to accept the help of others, realizing that I still have to do much of the hard work myself.... Its just nice to know that people want to help me and genuinely care about my well being.

Its not easy. I'm still struggling against the urges to run when I think people want to fix me. Really, I don't think I've met anyone that wants to fix me. They want me to get better, they want to help.....but they know they can't rescue me, they know they can't fix me.

 

[Rose White]

I finally came to the conclusion that what I really want is for someone to love me for being "me".

This. So much this. I am struggling to see whether my partner actually loves me just for being me. I don’t know if I’m missing it or if I’m making excuses for him—I guess I’m still deciding.

Really, I don't think I've met anyone that wants to fix me.

You are either smart or lucky not to have gotten trapped by someone who wants to fix you. I know that I consciously chose to allow myself to be fixed by my SO. I wanted to be rescued because I was starving for attention. Now I’m smarter, but I have to deal with the consequences of my past choices.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh. Oops. I take that back! I had one person a few years ago that wanted to fix me! It was not good.

I forgot. Blocked it out. LOL.

 

[saraemerald]

Thank you, LosingHope, for putting into words exactly what I feel. I had to quit therapy, due to financial...

A hug and a shoulder to cry on. When I finally do get a hug and a shoulder to cry on, I am numb. Cuz I should have recieved a genuine hug and a shoulder to cry on a looong time ago. Now it's too late.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Do I want someone to save me? Yes, everyday. I know it's magical thinking and life doesn't work that way. My savior need to be me...

 

[Mach123]

I had a gun on the wall and ammo. I would hear my mother start fighting with him. I wished could shoot him. Maybe both of them. I can't I'm afraid. Then sometimes the cops would come and I'd look out the window and I knew they were there to rescue me from them. Then they drove away without me. I thought the officer was going to knock on my door and say, come with us son, you're going to be safe now. I think I would have been happy if they put me in a cage. I don't know why I didn't do it except to say it's a representation of everything and I still feel that now. That wanting to be rescued. I escaped them finally. But I always think that and I never actually get away. It's sweet now because I'm in love. I let her rescue me and she did. There is more to go though. Intimacy is the goal for everyone I guess but although I function well there I want to function better in some other areas. What I said was only part of what was going on then. I was playing "Benny and the Jets" and listening to it and I told my wife it makes me sad because I was listening to it back then. I almost feel sometimes like I might get away or get rescued but then I think "I have to do it." Something like that stops me.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I remember having vivid dreams of the character who played Magnum P.I. on tv coming to save me when I was a kid. Then I'd wake up in the same space and cry.

I guess with each dysfunctional and abusive relationship I entered into, I was sort of hoping they'd be "the one" who truly wanted to love me rather than to keep on hurting me, but that didn't work out. The whole "love thyself" concept was incredibly foreign to me, and still feels odd, to be honest

I've finally reached an innerstanding with myself where I realize everything that gives also takes in some form or fashion, and I'm truly my best hope for "saving" my own sanity and well-being. Scary damn thought right there, especially after being taught for most of my life that I was never good enough for anything else.

Knowing where and whom to seek support from has been even more tricky, as I've also learned we can easily absorb the energies of the "helpers", too.

It's proven to be some tricky mind bending shit in many ways, especially based on the sick environment I'd been conditioned and raised in. I lived in fear of genuine compassion just as much as I feared direct violence. Trust was definitely non-existent.

 

[glass frog]

Hi! This is an old thread but I just joined and saw it (hopefully I'm replying the right way lmao)- I feel like I just had to reply because I relate so much! It feels like I could have written this exact post myself. I started daydreaming a lot about being protected/saved and then caught myself doing it. I think there is a strong feeling of wanting to be rescued in a way that you weren't during/after the trauma (at least that's how it feels for me). And the overwhelm is very difficult to deal with- I wish I had good advice. I hope some of those painful feelings have eased for you now. Good luck!

 

[saraemerald]

Hi! This is an old thread but I just joined and saw it (hopefully I'm replying the right way lmao)- I f...

Me too