Relationship Do You Ever Write Letters To Your Guy?

[catlover26]

Of course it depends on your situation, etc. But I found with my Vet it has helped tremendously for me to explain or re-explain some things in a letter I mail to him. But he was in Vietnam and much older than most of you and forgetful. But maybe ptsd does that to many vets. I am new to this forum and learning about ptsd.

We do basically have good communication but things can get askew and he will say something that I can tell he didn't understand something I did or say. He gets so tired to go on talking about it is futile. So I may write a letter to explain what I am feeling and add in how much he means to me etc.

Wow, it takes so much of my patience. He made some kind of comment last night like he feels like he is giving so much and boy did I have to 'bite my tongue'!! LOL

 

[Sweetpea76]

I've written letters and cards to him... especially if I want to get mushy. He has done likewise. I think it is a strong emotion thing with us. We also tend to text, IM, and email more when he is having a rough time. It seems to be better for him to have that chance to be alone and react how he is going to react, then think about his response when it comes to strong feelings. I will warn you though, it's pretty easy for the written word to be misunderstood too. We have had many a blow up over some wrongly interpreted "tone and inflection" in text.

 

[catlover26]

Well he won't text. I think it would be nice if I could at least text him sweet things during the day but he doesn't get service where he lives anyway and doesn't seems interested. I try to make my letters well thought out so he can understand it. Either because of his exposure to Agent Orange or the Parkinson his mother has he is already showing signs of forgetting things. I think with a letter he can read and re- read it to better understand it. It's so hard. He likes to collect things from garage sales, etc. He is very sentimental and has lots of dishes and glassware. I think he has shown me the same stuff and told me some stories so many times but I never tell him I have heard that, etc.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I used to write letters when my sufferer did something I found upsetting. I find it difficult to explain my feelings when I am upset or angry, in fact those two emotions get very easily mixed up for me, so writing was easier.

My husband has actually taught me how to verbalise my feelings, although sometimes he does find it frustrating when I struggle to explain myself.

 

[catlover26]

I too have a hard time expressing myself in a way that can be understood if it is tense and I am upset. Some of it is also the way my Vet will also get emotional, not angry, during those tense moments. He just hates the conflict. And it frustrates me plus I hate to see him like that. Then he might say something that completely doesn't make sense or could be taken the wrong way. I try to be patient and think of the best way to word what I am saying. But he still may not understand what I mean.

But then after I come home I will re think the conversation and either that night or the next day I won't be able to get it all off of my mind. I have a problem with sort of racing thoughts anyway so I just have to write it out. So it helps for me to write a letter. This time it was to explain my actions for him to better understand something I did.

 

[Six]

I have always written letters to him when I feel upset and confused. I prefer it because I can better organize my thoughts and be (almost) sure to cover all the bases. I try to keep it as non emotional as possible covering the facts, but I will include how something makes me feel, where appropriate.

I also prefer sending a letter because I feel, like others here, that it allows him to read and process it in his own time without being on the spot. However, as much as I try to be concise and to the point, I am afraid of misunderstandings, so I may reword things in a couple ways.

I am trying hard to be less wordy, as he has trouble remembering what he reads.
Lol!

Because he isolates so much, we don't see each other as often as most ppl would in a non affected relationship, so it's a bit of a process in getting to really know each other. I have no issues with being quite open, but he's a little slower there. I feel like "don't worry with me!", but I know our life experiences have been very different.

 

[Mel (Hippo256)]

My partner and I often write down things together, because I have cognitive problems and also when I'm in 'an episode' I forget and don't understand everything. So we first talk about it and then we write down some things, like that I did something and how it made him feel. Or if he holds me for example when I have 'am episode' that it is to help me and he's not only keeping me inside the house for my safety, but also cuddling me.

My partner has dyslexia and has a lot of trouble writing (and reading) so I have to help him write e-mails, read letters etc. That's one of the reasons we always do it together, but also to make sure the interpretation is right. And it's easier to remember for me when you not only write it down but also talk about it at the same time.
For my partner it's (way) more difficult to explain his feelings in writing, so he won't. But I often find it easier to write how I feel than say it. However, because he completely knows and understands me, I can talk with him about it. He knows what I mean, even when I'm incoherent. But with other people writing it down can be really helpful.
When we're not together (which hardly happens) we text or call.

It's good that you try to help your partner like this. You just need to find a way that's helpful for both of you, but doesn't cost too much (energy). Especially explaining how you feel (and love him) can be really helpful. Cropping up everything is always bad and I often experience that when I'm 'in an episode' (usually panick attack, but sometimes the fear makes me have an anger attack, but it's still a panick attack in which I'm confused and afraid and suspicious) I forget that my partner loves me. You sort of can't say it enough. And it might help your partner to open up more as well.

Of course I understand that there's a (big) age difference between me and your vet, and his cognitive issues are probably even worse, but maybe some things are still helpful for both of us. I hope you don't mind me replying to your post.

Oh, I almost forgot: I agree with reading and re-reading something, it might help to better understand it. And it's sweet that you don't tell him he already told something a couple times. I tend to do that a lot as well apparently. But when I notice someone else doing it, I don't tell either.