Do You Fear Or Obsess Over Intimacy When In A Relationship?

[pandora]

In doing some thinking...when I am in a relationship..I cannot relax until that part is over...then I think it will be ok...no more touching for the rest of the night or whatever. I know this just cannot be normal. I have NO SEX DRIVE....NONE. Does anyone else experience this even after therapy...healing. I know I have a trauma history but I also have had a lot of therapy. I thought this would eventually go away. It has not.:wall:

 

[sassy-snape]

You have just described me! I have no drive at all. None for about 8 months I think now? I used to have a very high drive. And I was abused as a child.

I can receive when I'm very slightly turned on but I'm not turned on enough to give anything back.

My bf is getting very annoyed because he is very high.

He says, how long do I expect him to wait for me as it's already been 8 months.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Pandora -

I've been married for 19 years - and yes I go through the same thing. I rejoice at that time of the month - because it gives me an automatic break - I'm glad when its over - because I don't have to worry about it again that night etc. There have been very few times in my life that I can say it was actually something I wanted - as opposed to something I felt obligated about. I still have hope though that with more healing it will get better.

 

[Manic11]

Yes I understand exactly how that is as well. It's so frustrating and I find it kind of embaressing. I mean everyone else seems to enjoy sex and being intimate with their partners. I don't...
A friend once told me that if it has to do with fear of getting hurt, I should do trust exercises with him to get me more comfortable. Then she told me to take it slow. Just cuddle one night. If that goes well then another night get a little bit more intimate.
Hope this helps a little bit...

Manic

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi pandora, I can relate to this. I used to just disassociate during sex, but now I'm making myself stay present and it causes so much anxiety that my stomach hurts by the time it's over.

I'm hoping that forcing myself to stay in the present will help me figure this all out. I've read some books but they don't seem to help me understand how to fix it.

I guess the question is: Is there anyone out there that has had this issue and was able to fix it? If so, how?

Tammy

 

[pandora]

Awesome question Tammy..I really thing that it is like needing to do exposure therapy is what we kind of have to do..exposing ourselves alot to the point that we are not comfortable. Now I think our mates/spouses would think that is a great solution!!! Probably why I have stayed isolating and still fear this and I know the anxiety is going to get bad. That really is something I do not have the energy to deal with right now.

Has anyone ever recovered with this type of therapy or had it suggested to them???

 

[sigh]

Eeeewwwww

Hi, I'm a newbie--this is my first post. Sex is hard for me. I find it painful and intimidating, yet even though my boyfriend doesn't say this, I feel obligated to give it up to him (my father sexually abused me and I was also raped). It's also like he just doesn't understand how I feel. But luckily it's pretty quick then all over.

In so far as recovery, the reason I keep having sex is the exposure thing. I'm hoping that if I at least do it, it'll come back.:crazy:

 

[girlblueye]

I agree with you all. It makes me feel more normal.

 

[Invictus_88]

I think it must differ based on the nature of one's past experiences. Unless my mind is back at the accident, or I've recently had a flashback type experience, I am (or, I'm pretty sure I am) my usual self - and so pretty highly sexed. It might help that my experience was utterly non-sexual, but I have no idea.

 

[mika]

Yes I feel the same way. I am 28 and I haven't even been in a relationship even when I have had every opportunity. When I am with a guy it is usually just a hook up but I don't usually want the hook up. I have awful symptoms during sex. I have cried, trembled, etc. which freaks the guy out. So now I avoid it and don't want it. I have conditioned myself to not want sex. And when someone wants to set me up, I immediately become axious and my mind floods with negative scenarios that may happen if I go out on one date with him.
I may be a bit extreme but I definitely have hypervigilance and avoidance, and anxiety when it comes to intimacy and relationships

 

[pandora]

It is good to know that I am not alone in this..does make me feel very abnormal!

 

[FlameTachiku]

Pandora,

I have had no sex drive with medications and being triggered. None. But that changes as I want it often and completely with someone I care about. I am now off medications and I love sex and do not have triggers at all. My trauma was sexual but it was not family and was freaks. I know most people are not like them. Therefore with...therapy and self acceptance I have been able to move forward. I am very choosey but highly sexed and it is ok. Just wanted to give you some hope there. As I have been where you are (no interest) but I was still having symptoms fairly strongly combined with meds. I hope this helps.

Flame