Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[Graven Idol]

Not at the moment; I am in a constant state of fear of returning to the hospital and it takes a lot to earn my trust. So far, I've exposed the nitty-gritty but not the darker thoughts in my mind.

*hug* Yeah. People suck so much. :(

THIIIIIS. Oh, god, I cringe every time I have to repeat it and I am shaken up for days.

 

[goa way]

I keep secrets. I think its because I like to protect myself. I would rather have attention paid to other people, like, I want to know about them but I don't want them to know too much about me. And the funny thing is, people always open up to me. Maybe I should have been a therapist. I have started giving my therapist therapy.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I didn't just have sex for money. I also had sex for food. I knew that if I went to their house or wherever else that afterwards they would probably feed me. So I slept with them in hopes I would get a meal afterwards. I was hungry a lot and didn't have enough money to eat.

For some reason this hurts more then the sex for money part. It's a really sad place to be in.

I think I will tell him next session.

 

[shoulderblades]

I voted for 'yes - been in therapy 6+ years'. I've been in therapy on and off for 6+ years; I am currently not in therapy. I haven't been in therapy for over six months, although I desperately need to return to therapy. It's a matter of finding a therapist who actually works for me.

In all 6+ years of therapy (I've actually been in therapy on and off almost 20 years), I've never found a therapist who worked for me. The longest I stuck with a therapist was a psychiatrist, whom I stayed with for over 5 years. She terrified me. I stayed with her because I had terrible anxiety that she would say horrible things to me if I said I wanted a new therapist. (The reality was that she actually wouldn't say horrible things to me, but try telling my brain that when it's in a heightened state of anxiety and alert.)

I hid many things from her because I just couldn't open up to her. She reminded me too much of my grandmother, who was one of my abusers. I ended up with her after having been in a psych ward for 6 months - the hospital organised for me to see her after I was released, and I recall not having much agency in that decision.

This psychiatrist would sit in her armchair opposite me in her office with her arms crossed and a very stern look on her face. That was how my grandmother would sit in her armchair. No wonder I could never open up to her. I never made progress with this psych; and as a testament to how bad a psych she was, she never seemed to pick up that more was going on with me that just depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder type II by another psychiatrist, several years after I stopped seeing that psych.

I saw another psychologist for a short while, and she was rather nice, though definitely not the right sort of therapist for me. Whenever I opened up about things, she was very quick to jump to CBT rather than let me keep talking it out. While I'm sure CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) may benefit me in some ways in the long-term, I found her eagerness to employ it almost dismissive of my issues and my need to talk.

I now also deeply suspect, after a very close friend of mine who has complex PTSD brought my attention to it, that I have PTSD as well. The symptoms fit along with the amount of trauma I've experienced in my life. I have set the wheels in motion to have this diagnosed, but the thought of returning to therapy scares me. I just hate how vulnerable therapy makes me feel; I hate the 'getting to know you' stage with a therapist because I am always deeply suspicious of their motives. I'm deeply suspicious because I've experienced so much betrayal from people in the past whom I've divulged some of my deepest secrets to, on top of my trauma always being used against me by my family. It's exhausting, to be honest.

 

[goa way]

I can relate to all of that. My trouble was being on workers comp, though my first therapist was lovely, and she left suddenly with health problems.

Then the house of psych issued another therapist, again a female, who was sooo young, I was becoming obsessed if she was even old enough to lose her virginity, much less handle my depression, anxiety and ptsd. And then she kept making comments about my being able to go to work, which only made me so much worse.

After so many months I told her I wanted to change. She looked so relieved. So they gave me an old bloke that was new, and completely useless.

Turns out, my new therapist says, none of these people, oh, plus the next guy, were giving me psychological counseling. It was just insurance company bull s..., to get me working, stuff how injured I was.

Keep looking, my therapist now has his faults, but he has also helped me heaps. He is very smart and honest. He knows more about me than I know myself.

 

[safenow]

I had brain washing as a young person, and been programmed to never talk about certain things. Right now, I don't have a therapist that I'm comfortable with, so can't talk about anything with him. But if it becomes a problem, I'll call him and try to talk with him about things.

In over 60 years, I must confess, I've only had two really good therapists. The rest didn't help, in fact, some of them caused more issues than I needed. Being inpatient helped a lot in some issues, but there again, some inpatient trips caused more problems.

The good ones, I talked to about anything and everything I was able to.

 

[goa way]

I find with this guy, I don't have to talk about my problems, I can just talk about my week, like nothing too personal. He will secretly note my anxiety, depression, flashbacks, breathing, anger, etc. Then if I'm feeling ......suicidal, I can tell him. He puts no pressure on me at all. I think he must bite his lip a lot.

 

[Petchen]

Disassociation.... Oh I just forgot to tell them. :-)

 

[winterose]

It's not really secrets as much as I have had only 6 sessions so far but I have told 2 biggest one's so far. I am not planning on keeping any secrets by the time my therapy ends because I want to improve everything about my life to be as solid as I can. I want to learn on how to enjoy my faults and failures. I want the emotional intelligence that comes with the people I admire in life.

 

[Mella]

My therapist told me I didn't need/have to talk about it... so I haven't. I've changed therapists!

 

[Lionheart]

I didn't realize this until just the other day, but I had never talked to my therapist about past out-of-body experiences. I am planning to talk to her next week and hopefully learn more about them. I am not sure why I had kept it a secret for so long, I think it just seemed to be too "crazy". I also thought it meant I was damaged beyond repair, but no longer think this way since talking about it a bit here on the forum.

 

[cookinggal]

It's rather uneasy to tell your therapist some of the more grotesque actions while going through this trauma we all face in our own unique way.