Changing4Best
VIP Member
I find that I have trouble convincing people, especially men, that when I say, "No." or "Don't do that to me." or "I don't want that." etc., that they don't accept it. If someone else says it on my behalf, they might be mad, but they get it. But when I say it, it goes in one ear and out the other, not stopping in their brain for a second!
I had to tell my boyfriend 5 times that I am not interested in marriage before I think MAYBE he finally got it. Time will tell though, as I fear he might still bring it up again.
Another boyfriend raped me, even though I told him I did not want sex that night. I even tried to fight him off, but he got his way anyway, me not cooperating, but finally just laying there and accepting it, because I was not strong enough or convincing enough for him to GET IT that I had said, "No!". That was maybe 15 or so years ago, but it still hurts to think about it. I still feel sometimes as if I should have fought harder or objected more vehemently, but I know that it was not my fault. Or was it? Was I just not convincing enough? Was my "No." too weak? I know I was physically too weak to fight him off, even though I tried to, but I just wonder sometimes if there would have been some way for me to prevent this tragedy in my life.
Also, I have a problem speaking up and saying "No." to begin with. I will ignore, or ask someone else to help me say, "No." or finally say, "I'm not in the mood to be teased today." to a woman who is teasing me, when I let it slide that two men before her teased me just minutes before. I have a real problem saying "No." to men.
My father was very bossy as was my older sister. So I grew up being bossed around a lot and not being old enough or strong enough to object to much of anything in our household. Furthermore, my father picked on me and teased me a lot, so I grew up expecting that from the male of our species. So these days, when men have picked on me or teased me lately, I have had a problem with it, not known how to try to stop it, and finally spoke up for myself when a woman teased me. Then, and only then, did I feel I had a right to speak up for my rights and say, "I'm not in the mood to be teased today."
I had the word "No." beaten out of me by my molester (my father's father) when I was very young, so I know that this is part of the whole problem. Until I was 6 or so and my parents somehow became aware of what he was doing to me and stopped it, I was taught that "No." was an unacceptable word. I know that does not help!
So, do you have trouble saying, "No." or similar words?
I had to tell my boyfriend 5 times that I am not interested in marriage before I think MAYBE he finally got it. Time will tell though, as I fear he might still bring it up again.
Another boyfriend raped me, even though I told him I did not want sex that night. I even tried to fight him off, but he got his way anyway, me not cooperating, but finally just laying there and accepting it, because I was not strong enough or convincing enough for him to GET IT that I had said, "No!". That was maybe 15 or so years ago, but it still hurts to think about it. I still feel sometimes as if I should have fought harder or objected more vehemently, but I know that it was not my fault. Or was it? Was I just not convincing enough? Was my "No." too weak? I know I was physically too weak to fight him off, even though I tried to, but I just wonder sometimes if there would have been some way for me to prevent this tragedy in my life.
Also, I have a problem speaking up and saying "No." to begin with. I will ignore, or ask someone else to help me say, "No." or finally say, "I'm not in the mood to be teased today." to a woman who is teasing me, when I let it slide that two men before her teased me just minutes before. I have a real problem saying "No." to men.
My father was very bossy as was my older sister. So I grew up being bossed around a lot and not being old enough or strong enough to object to much of anything in our household. Furthermore, my father picked on me and teased me a lot, so I grew up expecting that from the male of our species. So these days, when men have picked on me or teased me lately, I have had a problem with it, not known how to try to stop it, and finally spoke up for myself when a woman teased me. Then, and only then, did I feel I had a right to speak up for my rights and say, "I'm not in the mood to be teased today."
I had the word "No." beaten out of me by my molester (my father's father) when I was very young, so I know that this is part of the whole problem. Until I was 6 or so and my parents somehow became aware of what he was doing to me and stopped it, I was taught that "No." was an unacceptable word. I know that does not help!
So, do you have trouble saying, "No." or similar words?
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