Do You Lead A Normal Life?

[Kaii]

I am curious how many of you on here lead a somewhat normal life, even with your PTSD? I would like to know how you go through the motions of everyday life and keep your triggers at bay?

I feel like I have come to a point where I have just given up. I haven't worked in 1.5 years, I rarely leave the house, I have two dogs that have become my best friends as I don't have any human friends anymore.

I have been going to a trauma therapist who works in a clinic that specializes in PTSD for over a year but at $150/hr (with no health coverage) and not much progress, I have recently just stopped going. I also see a psychiatrist and while I generally follow his advice, I have refused his latest medication suggestion as I am tired of taking so many pills.

Most days, I feel like a jobless drug addict. I feel disappointed in myself. My closet is filled with scrubs (I am a nurse) and I can barely stand to look at them. I just got approved for CPP Disability.

I feel like I live in a bubble, the problem is I can't decide if I feel happy and safe here.....or just safe.

 

[Kendra]

From the outside it may look as if I am leading a "normal" life. But from the inside I'm still struggling with my past.

What do you consider normal life?

I know that there's lots of people who don't seem to have PTSD and they don't have normal lives. Don't feel bad if you're living your life a little differently from other people and remember that you can get better. Right now it may not seem like you can get better but you can get better. Things can get worse for me and then better and then worse again, and on like that. And when I'm feeling worse I start losing my hope on getting better.


I know you didn't ask for any advice so if you don't want to read this part then don't.
Yes, therapists (especially the ones that specialize in PTSD) can be expensive so have you thought about trying a PTSD self-help book? I tried it and it helped me because the book seemed to know more about my PTSD than my first therapist did.

And have you thought about seeing a different therapist? My first therapist was great but I didn't feel like I was getting enough help to deal with my PTSD, so I tried a new therapist who specializes in trauma and I feel like I'm getting more help from her. There is an article on the Sidran website that gives tips on how we can try to find a good therapist. Here's the link to that article: http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Diagnostic Criteria for Personality Disorder (Comparison of DSM-IV DSM-5 old DSM-5 new.pdf

 

[Zef]

Hi Kaii,

Kendra has good suggestions. Because you mentioned no insurance, you could also take a look at what assistance is available in your area. A Google search for PTSD <your city name> may help you find some help that is free, less expensive or perhaps programs that can assist with getting you the medical care.

Groups are usually free and generally respect the fact that you may not feel like participating much when you are new. There may be crisis programs available. Just take a look and see what you can find.

On living a normal life, if it wasn't for going through a crisis program, I would not be able to do anything. . .even though I have a great therapist. Sometimes, we just need more help.

Using the coping skills and education that the program gave me has been a godsend. It is still hard as hell and a lot of times I don't think I will be able to continue, but so far, so good.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Kaii,

Normal is a relative term, and really what matters is whether or not you are satisfied with your life. It is not unusual for people to change careers as what we want out of life changes for everyone.

Maybe it is time to look at this point in your life as a blank canvass. Decide what you want and start painting a picture of your own future. It may be different than what you envisioned at one point, but different is not bad.

I always imagine myself using a pencil as things change, as I change and the events in my life change. Think about what you want and you need. Really that is all that matters since it is your life.

Deb

 

[TeddySue]

For me, "normal" is hibernation most of the time and the rest is just doing what I have to do. Fight or flight is a normal reaction for me: I am triggered, I fight, and then comes flight into the hibernation mode. With PTSD, I can't even imagine being the "normal" other people take for granted. They always seem to be "out there" and living, while I sit and watch them. Their way of life is very intimidating and I really don't think I would be happy among the "normal" people.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I look like a normal person. I talk like a normal person. I have been in recovery since 1985, and I am 58 yrs. old. I had 9 years of therapy and am soon going to try EMDR. I am on medications with a psch doc. The worst of the ptsd is behind me.

But I am not a normal person. I will never be a normal person. I do not cry. I have shut down my emotions because I am a caregver 24/7 for my husband who has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. Lately I have been having some nightmares again, and I am on risperdone for them.

I do not think there is a normal person. I think there are people who fit in, and that is what normal looks like. Anyone who has survived the hell of trauma and the aftermath of it is a hero. The courage it takes to get out of bed and go on with their life with anxiety, which I have also is an amazing person. To go to a therapist and to work on rebuilding a life takes alot of strength.

Ok I will get offmy soapbox sorry. I do not think there is a normal. I only think there is a fitting in. I do not fit in. I think the only normal there is -is the setting on a washing machine.

My heart goes out to you. i hope these words of mine did not hurt or confuse you. We are all doing the best we can with the cards we have been dealt. Good luck. Take care.

 

[justhere]

I feel like what/who is "normal "? I look at everyone around and no they might not have problems as severe as mine, but everyone has issues. I might see someone and all I can think is, "If that's normal I'll stay this way." No one is perfect .

 

[justhere]

Anyone who has survived the hell of trauma and the aftermath of it is a hero. The courage it takes to get out of bed and go on with their life with anxiety, which I have also is an amazing person. To go to a therapist and to work on rebuilding a life takes alot of strength.

This is very true gizmo. Every person can't and wouldn't be able to do this.

 

[mamachick]

Hi Kali,
I feel like you are talking about my life as you describe yours. Its like we keep trying until one day-we just drop out of life as we know it. I have two dogs and quit work 3 years ago. I rarely leave my house, sometimes my bedroom. If I had a frig in here there would be less need.

I do not lead a normal life. Even from the outside looking in...its questionable. Yet I am better in some ways. Never give up, there is hope for all of us. I agree with suggestions of others, particularly a sliding fee scale service therapist. It does not take long to start a routine like staying home, it will take motivation but not so much time to change that.

I wont make a bunch of suggestions as I know I cant follow them myself. Something must motivate me out of this rut. My energy is so low that I just cant think tonight. Im sorry and I feel for you. Just keep trying.

 

[jibber]

Hi Kaii. Most people would probably say I'm living a normal life, I'm pretty good at acting fine or just making my excuses to not be around people when I can't. When my PTSD symptoms first started it was far from it. I barely slept for about 2 months because of the nightmares. When I did finally pass from exhaustion out I'd wake up a couple of hours later when my roommates woke up, then force myself to get out of bed, only because I couldn't stand staying anywhere, even at home alone. I'd had panic attacks if I stayed on my own for too long since the anxiety and paranoia would get worse and worse, so I'd wander down to a cafe and spend a few hours there reading in the corner.

Five months ago I finally went to see someone, got a diagnosis, and I've been doing EMDR since then. It's helped tremendously. I sleep alright, I'm going to school, working, I go out with friends, I'm even planning a trip this summer. But it's not easy. I do all of this but it's hard, and at times exhausting and I need a break for a few days just hiding away from everything. I still get flashbacks and anxiety, but it's definitely gotten better. I seem to follow a sort of loose pattern. I'll have a really awful week where I can't get out of bed, and I'll slowly come out of it by doing a little bit more each day that's "normal," a bit of housework, going for a walk, meeting a friend for coffee, going out to study for a few hours. After a while I'll start to feel like I'm ok again, and I'll have weeks or sometimes even a couple of months where I'm going to classes, keeping up with everything, getting stuff done and feeling really energetic. I'll usually have a few triggers during this time but I can sometimes stop it from sending me into a "hiding away from the world" spell. Then I'll have a stressful day, a few more triggers than normal, and it'll feel like I'm right back where I started.

It comes in waves. I feel like I'm starting to get a little more control over it, that maybe the bad days are fewer and farther between, but it's still a struggle. Even the good days are a struggle to maintain. But, compared to where I was a 14 months ago, it's a pretty big improvement, so I'll take it.

 

[TeddySue]

Gizo said:

I think there are people who fit in, and that is what normal looks like.

I have said this same phrase over and over. It's the same in churches, jobs, and life as I know it. Because of my triggers and how I react, I can never fit in. Even here, I am terrified to write, thinking I will have grammatical errors and receive yet another warning that if I get too many of these emails then I will be banned from this site.

 

[Helliepig]

like. Anyone who has survived the hell of trauma and the aftermath of it is a hero. The courage it takes to get out of bed and go on with their life with anxiety, which I have also is an amazing person. To go to a therapist and to work on rebuilding a life takes alot of strength.
.

Totally.