Do you sleep in the same bed as your partner?

[EveHarrington]

Just curious, do you sleep in the same bed as your partner?

I read this article....

Choosing to sleep in separate beds is the last relationship taboo

....and it’s links, and it made me think...!

I HAAAAAATE sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I never get into deep sleep, and every little movement startles me.

(Hate, as in hate that I can’t actually sleep through the night, or anything close to it. I love the cuddling part, even if it only lasts 15 minutes, lol.)

Yes, I do feel like a freak, because society has conditioned me to believe that’s what couples do, sleep in the same bed.

And of course, people on TV only slept in different beds because of the censors, ie in twin beds, “I love Lucy” style, with the tide not turning until “The Brady Bunch” came along and showed what couples “really” do. Sigh.

I freak out when my guy wants to sleep over. I just dread the whole thing, knowing I’ll get no sleep and be miserable the next day. He has no idea how bad it is for me because of course, he’s asleep and doesn’t see my sleep struggles. Sometimes we cuddle and he assumes I’ve slept the whole time, but I was actually awake for most of it with a few moments of dozing off.

I remember the judgment my uncle and his fiancé received because GASP! they slept in separate bedrooms. And of course there was the underlying belief that something was wrong with them, perhaps it was a relationship of convenience, or the intimacy had died and they were more like pals than partners.

I think it’s hard to get people to grasp the depths of my sleep issues and the lengths I go to in order to make my bed and bedroom just right so that I can sleep. Even when I travel, much of my luggage space is made up of items required for a good nights sleep.....but I digress.

So do you sleep with your partner? Yes? No? Sometimes? Only when they stay at my place? Or just when I’m at their place?

Thanks!

 

[Emotional girl]

Before my repressed memories came out my fiance and I used to share a bed at weekend's and in separate beds during the week(mainly due to him having to get up early).
In the last year since remembering CSA we haven't shared a bed at all and just the thought of being intimate makes me feel physically sick.

 

[NightSky]

We do, but we have had a child between us for ten years. My daughter until she was 2.5, my son until he was 5 and now my youngest son who is 2. I love sleeping next to my babies/toddlers. Cannot stand sleeping next to my husband so I’m slightly freaked out that my cosleeping with children days are almost over.
For the first 8 years of marriage before kids I suffered through it. If he’s so much as touching me I’m frozen. Even if he’s asleep. It’s the absolute worst. And if he reaches over while I’m trying to fall asleep, or am half asleep, I get so angry. But also stay frozen. It’s something I’m hoping will change.

 

[Wendell_R]

The article was interesting in its discussion of how we can create a personal, intimate space. My wife and I share a bed, but with modifications. We have separate sheets & blankets, which lets us create our own sleeping space in a way. I have my stuffed animals. She has her big blankets that sometimes go over her head. And when one of us turns over in the winter time, there's no rush of cold air on the other.

My PTSD has some childhood abuse roots, but even more so, childhood neglect. Although I can be sensitive to touch, I'm more sensitive to loneliness & abandonment. For years, I have hated that she wanted this vast, king-size bed. For years, she said she couldn't sleep touching. But as I've gotten better, I've been able to ask her for time to cuddle up, and she's fine with that as long as our limbs don't intertwine and it's only a little part of the night. It's funny though--I can't sleep while cuddling. I crave the touch so much that I would rather stay awake and have that conscious experience of touch.

 

[Friday]

I don’t sleep alone by choice.

If I am sleeping alone, I’ll usually choose a couch, just for the weighty presence beside me and to lean up against. It’s a pretty poor substitute, but better than nothing. Even a big dog or a horse has my back, and I can trust them to wake me if something is amiss.

It doesn’t seem odd to me to sleep alone, though. I know countless couples who strongly prefer it, for a wide variety of reasons.

 

[HealingInProcess]

I don't see the issue with separate beds or even rooms of you can afford it.

 

[Gs172003]

Just curious, do you sleep in the same bed as your partner?

I read this article....

Choosing to sleep in separate beds is the last relationship taboo

....and it’s links, and it made me think...!

I HAAAAAATE sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I never get into deep sleep, and every little movement startles me.

(Hate, as in hate that I can’t actually sleep through the night, or anything close to it. I love the cuddling part, even if it only lasts 15 minutes, lol.)

Yes, I do feel like a freak, because society has conditioned me to believe that’s what couples do, sleep in the same bed.

And of course, people on TV only slept in different beds because of the censors, ie in twin beds, “I love Lucy” style, with the tide not turning until “The Brady Bunch” came along and showed what couples “really” do. Sigh.

I freak out when my guy wants to sleep over. I just dread the whole thing, knowing I’ll get no sleep and be miserable the next day. He has no idea how bad it is for me because of course, he’s asleep and doesn’t see my sleep struggles. Sometimes we cuddle and he assumes I’ve slept the whole time, but I was actually awake for most of it with a few moments of dozing off.

I remember the judgment my uncle and his fiancé received because GASP! they slept in separate bedrooms. And of course there was the underlying belief that something was wrong with them, perhaps it was a relationship of convenience, or the intimacy had died and they were more like pals than partners.

I think it’s hard to get people to grasp the depths of my sleep issues and the lengths I go to in order to make my bed and bedroom just right so that I can sleep. Even when I travel, much of my luggage space is made up of items required for a good nights sleep.....but I digress.

So do you sleep with your partner? Yes? No? Sometimes? Only when they stay at my place? Or just when I’m at their place?

Thanks!

I have been with my husband for 16 years, married for 12. Out of those years I have probably slept in the same room with him a total of two. It used to make me very nervous. It took me ten straight years to be able to do it at all but I am the same as you in that I have a hard time sleeping but I'm learning to adjust.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Just found this thread and found it very comforting. For the first time in my relationship with my husband we are sleeping in separate beds. I always craved the safety of sleeping alone and for now at least it works. The mood stabilizers im on are allowing me to get the best sleep I have had. For the most part I sleep through the night now.
I used to have this symptom that if I was awake and my husband wasnt I would feel this horrible lonliness. Now I just work on using my soothing skills to get myself to sleep again. : )
Struggled with guilt over this for ages though, because of I guess how couples are portrayed on tv. My husband isnt over the moon about it but he accepts. Its good what happens after being together over time. He had to accept my cuddly toys too, but they seem very normal indeed for trauma survivors. ?

 

[Fadeaway]

My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. Sharing a bed is just not possible for us for a host of reasons.

 

[EveHarrington]

Last night I slept with my guy for just a few hours. When he went to leave I went into panic mode and was so disoriented. This happens often enough. I couldn’t deal with this all the time.

I know he likes being close to me, but I can’t handle the disruption it causes to my system.

 

[Mach123]

Yes for thirty years. There was a time we slept apart but it was not for long. We have discussed it and it's fine to sleep apart if you are bugging each other (sleep disruptions, schedule changes). I hate being woken up especially when I've just gone to sleep. There are no rules I know of about sleeping in the same bed, I like it personally.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think I’m just getting to the point of total frustration as I’ve had a string of guys who “required” it, one even going so far as to say that we had to go to bed and wake up at the same time. I say good luck to him as what are the chances of not only finding someone on the same schedule as you, but also needs the exact same amount of sleep....?