Relationship Does Anyone Else Ever Feel….

[Wastinglight]

I have a migraine,

I get that @Glara . I have been getting headaches regularly the past few weeks. This situation seems to be putting an inordinate amount of stress on me.

I hate his abuser.

I've started thinking that too - even though he doesn't have an 'abuser' as such. His PTSD is from a situation, and no-one was really to blame for it. So I end up feeling really angry that this is happening - and no-one to hold responsible for it!

this all really sucks

Yep. Hugs if you need them.

 

[Wastinglight]

Huh. He finally messaged me, and suddenly I can't think of a single thing to say to him....

 

[Wastinglight]

No - its not fair at all. Whatever the issue and whomever is actually at fault I'm always the one that wears it. Its really hard not to take that personally - especially when it happens time and time again!

Just out of interest @Sighs - when this happens, do you talk to him about it? And how does he respond?

 

[Sighs]

If he is yelling and swearing I clench my jaw and say nothing because it will just provoke an argument. If its more snide remarks I will sometimes point out to him that he is really upset about xyz and that xyz is not my fault. Bringing it up later has kinda mixed results. Sometimes he just gets worked up about it all over again. Other times he will apologise. Other times he gets cranky because I am 'choosing to remember all the negative stuff". Sigh! There doesn't seem to be a one size fits all situations answer...

 

[Wastinglight]

It's so hard isn't it? On the one hand I feel like I should bring it up, because I know from previous experience (in past relationships) that if it goes unresolved that I'll end up resenting him for it (probably not fair but that's how it seems to work with me). But on the other hand, I feel like I'm being a broken record. He knows how I feel - is there any point in bringing it up again? Presumably he's doing the best he can right now. Or does it help to give him a gentle reminder that I need a little bit of TLC now and again? Hard to know.

He is a sweet gentle soul, and I know he cares about me and doesn't mean to hurt me. The other thing is, that if I bring up something like this, he willingly talks about it - but then he often withdraws even further afterwards. I cried in front of him for the first time a few weeks ago, and it had a really bad effect on him. He seemed really down afterwards and said he hates to see me cry. And I wasn't even crying because of something he'd done! It feels like every time I raise with him that I'm unhappy, it just makes him more distant. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. *sigh*

 

[Sighs]

yep - its being between a rock and a hard place... if I say nothing then the behaviour continues - if I complain then he feels (even more) worthless... Sigh!

 

[Wastinglight]

Hugs @Sighs.

Something changed for the better this weekend. I had a long talk with a close friend on Friday and realised that I needed to try and be more positive. So I turned up at his place on the weekend acting my normal bubbly self. I'm not sure if this made a difference, or whether he'd turned a corner by himself (or felt the distance between us, like your guy did @Thunderstorm), but he's been very affectionate and attentive and intimate ever since, and even made it publicly known to everyone at our weekly social activity that we were in a relationship - and gave me a cuddle in front of everyone! He's never done that before! I was a bit stunned. I'm still feeling a little nervous, like it's not safe to relax yet. I feel like he could fall back in a hole at any moment. But so far so good. I know he's been changing his meds around lately, so maybe he's found a good balance at last. Fingers crossed. I'm cautiously optimistic....

 

[Deleted member 27524]

I don't even want to go into my day with D girls. I'm sad, empty, confused and he's never hurt me so bad as he did today. I just shake my head. Feels like it's just no use. Won't say a lot as I'm just bitter right now.

 

[Wastinglight]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that @Thunderstorm. Damned rollercoaster. Just when you're finally on the up and feeling good, then it goes down again and makes you feel sick to your stomach. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you both. Hang in there :hug:

 

[Sighs]

@Thunderstorm - so sorry to hear you had a bad day. Hugs!

 

[Deleted member 27524]

D can't commit to me in any way. All I hear is how much he cares or how happy I've made him. However my son was very ill in the hospital Friday and I really needed him and he wasn't there for me. He is there for everyone but me. He informed me he got drunk this weekend. I'm not super clear headed right now but if I'm honest, after the 2 years I've been there for him non stop at this point I just wanna be left alone. He says he can't leave me alone!?!...ha so he can't leave me alone but he can't make me any more importance than he does? Nice! Feeling just lousy!

 

[Deleted member 27524]

He said I made is "more than it is"! Meaning that he has no reason to be there for me. We're not in a comitted relationship. So that's pretty cut dry! My own fault. He's just not ready to be what I need even though his words say different, his actions don't follow!