Does Anyone Else Have A Parent With Mental Illness/addiction?

[Leisel]

My dad has a debilitating mental illness for which he is taking medication, goes to therapy, etc., and he is also a recovering alcoholic. He says he has been sober x months since the last time I caught him drunk and high, but I have a hard time believing him even though he goes to AA meetings like every day because he's been recovering my whole life and he has still been drinking and relapsing and I just don't trust him to stay sober you know?

I'm staying with him right now because I can't afford to live anywhere else except with this one friend of mine who lives pretty far from my work and stuff so the bus is loooong and uber is expensive. Plus my dad gives me rides places.

At this point I've been staying here over a month and I feel like he's dependent on me for his emotional well-being and I can't do that, I can't be that for him. I don't know what to do because if I stay he is so weird and clingy but if I go I'm afraid he will get weirder or less healthy or relapse and that he could even attempt suicide (he hasn't said he would but he has in the past). I don't know. I'm 18. I feel like I should only be taking care of myself. I don't know.

Sometimes I just don't want to be here, to the extent where I walk out and just keep walking. Once, after a particularly weird conversation In which I think he accused me of being on drugs (i don't know because he wasn't making much sense), I walked an hour to a park and almost stayed the night there instead of coming back.

He's a wonderful person, he truly is. He does what he can for me and tries to be kind and loving and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

Of course I love him but sometimes it's even hard for me to say that.

There's someone I really trust who I've talked to about it and she says go with my gut. my gut is telling me whole-heartedly to leave but since he is not abusive and he is not actively drinking in front of me I don't understand why my "gut" would say that. Idk.

If you have input, if you can relate in some way, anything would be welcome.

I hope you all are having a nice day.

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like you really care about your dad.

Our gut feeling is intuition. There doesn't have to be obvious abuse present it order for our guts to tell us what's best for us. The situation sounds unhealthy and it sounds like your intuition is telling you that you'd be better off not living there anymore.

:hug:

 

[Naoru]

I agree with Eve.

I tend to say to trust your intuition, but also remember there is no right or wrong answer here in relation to what you should or shouldn't do. Just because there isn't abuse or active drinking in front of you, does not mean your previous experiences with him should be discounted or that you should blindly trust him now. Or maybe you can.

My father is an addict, alcoholic, criminal, and has mental health issues. He is currently in therapy, clean, and sober. He is making an effort, albeit a little too late, but I can recognize that. That said, there isn't an amount of love or money anyone could pay me to allow him to live with me ever again or help him. He has a pattern and will return to his ways. I do check-in with him to make sure he's alive and provide him moments of emotional support from across the world. There came a time when I realized I could love and support him in my own way, but that he was not my responsibility. My responsibility is to keep myself and my family safe. If I cannot do that, I am out.

Boundaries. :tup:

But my situation is not yours and I am still figuring it out. You will come to your answers on your own, but your situation does sound unhealthy and it is reasonable your gut would tell you to go.

 

[Moon]

In an ideal world, no parent should be reliant on their adolescent children. You are already 18 you are still very young and I can only imagine this is not something that only started recently. You love your parents, unconditionally, and caring for them comes so natural that often you don't even see that boundaries have been and are being crossed.

My mother had a borderline personality disorder, together with alcohol and substance abuse, going from one dysfunctional marriage into the other. I was her only friend and support for many years. On her worst she was so 'far away' that she cried non stop, didn't even recognize me anymore, chased me out of the house, or ran off in the middle of the night to wait at a random bus stop for an early bus to nowhere, to end her life somewhere. When I was 17 I ran off with one of the few persons who showed my understanding and kindness, who turned out to be the monster of my worst nightmares. She was also the most amazing human being I even knew, I loved her beyond reason and I am still devastated of losing her to ALS, 5 years ago.
At age of 36 now, I am only slowing to start understanding how my mothers illness and dysfunctional relation ship with me and her husbands, affected me, my life, bad choices and a life of abuse and pain, desperately trying to care for loved ones that hurt me most.

For you of course it does not have to become as bad and extreme as it has been for me, but I do want to warn you. I wish someone would have when I was your age.

Without showing and giving care for your father, by all means, being his caregiver is not a healthy position to be in for the both of you. You are not sole responsible for his well being.
Is your mother in the picture? Does your father have professional care besides the possible AA meetings? Do you have support yourself?
Regardless of your fathers problems, it is very important that you keep focusing on yourself and your own future and most of all to not be dependent on him/your home situation.
Never take life changing decisions when you are in a too emotional state, but never ignore a gut feeling.

 

[corvidae]

i will agree with everyone above. i realized that just because my way of interacting, showing respect and love towards my parents isn't normal? average? within others' experiences, it was OK for me to still do so. this means loving/supporting them at a distance because they both have mental illnesses and my dad is a sober/clean alcoholic/addict.

my parents give me grief, though, because they want me to pay them more attention and they want to be more...involved...in my life, but that isn't good for me or them or for any sort of relationship they and i are having. the initial period when i was puling back from them was difficult but after i began seeing how much drama, anxiety, fear, etc was leaving my life i realized it was worth it.

support to you, @Leisel