Does Anyone Else Struggle With Impoverishment?

[Karen12]

How to do come to terms with who and what you've become?

How do you handle the crushing shame?

 

[anthony]

I think most people endure times where they live week to week, some do their entire lives. To be honest, I never found it shameful. I am the kind of person who just goes with what I've got. If I've got something nice, yeh... if not, also good with me.

Why do you feel shame for being impoverished? I think is possibly the more important question.

 

[arfie]

I recognize my shame as a conditioned trait. If I am doing well, I self-sabotage to deal with the shame of being so "self-centered." If I am doing badly, my shame is of being such a loser. If I have a pimple on my toe, my shame is of being physically imperfect. Etc., etc., through all shameful imperfections of my messy life. My shame habit can -and does- find the shame in love and happiness.

When I can hold my shame conditioning in check, being broke ain't the same thing as being impoverished.

Gentle support while you sort your own, Karen. That shame is a gnasty demon...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm not sure if this is different in other countries, but I know that here in the US, if you are receiving social benefits (ie food stamps) then there is a bit of shaming that is handed out from other people. People online lash out with comments such as how we need to get jobs, that we're taking advantage of the system, etc. I have a former friend who wrote a social media post about how he was unemployed and flat broke but would never lower himself as to get such financial assistance because people need to stop taking advantage of the system and go out and simply work! It was worded a bit more harshly, and I confronted him about it. I said "I'm on benefits, do you think I am taking advantage of the system?" He replied no, I meant everyone else! I told him to get his assumptions in check because there are a lot of us on disability who cannot work and we are most definitely NOT taking advantage of the system! I've seen a lot of shaming done by people, and its simply disgusting that there isn't more compassion. Now I stay off of social media sites and anywhere that people can anonymously post their opinions because most of them are just crap.

I can feel the shaming by others, and yes, at times I do feel ashamed. BUT, my dad has reminded me many times that this is just a step in my journey. I had something horrible happen to me and now I am on benefits and such, but it won't be like this forever. I am able to accept this and try to shun that shameful feeling. I know in the back of my mind that I may never get to a better place, but that's not going to stop me from trying my best to get there.

I think that acceptance can help, along with ignoring those who try to shame you. Many of these people have NO idea what its like to have nothing so they think that everyone can just go out and get a job and be A-O-K! Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, it seems good to clarify, about where the shame comes from: being poor, or feeling "less than."?

For me, I had crushing shame for both of the above reasons. After a lot of therapy, I still have shame, but it is not crushing. Now, I can get out of bed, and I can experience a wide variety of emotions. Before, my parents' condemning voices "shame on you" echoed through my mind, whenever I wasn't distracted by a task in the present.

There were a number of things that helped me, with crushing shame over time. In therapy, verbalizing my "intrusive thoughts", and over the years, letting the shaming thoughts be about my abusers, not me.

There is also a means to have a supportive and empowering responsive voice for you. Gestalt, and Voice Therapy, encourage you to speak back (aloud, while imaging your that your abusers are present),
And repetitively stating my positive traits, helped them around both of the above sources of shame.

Body work and exercise are terrific too, to release the somatic memories and to build somatic confidence, respectively. Finding friends that make kind comments to you, rather than sarcastic and teasing comments, can make a big difference.

You can consider to believe and remind yourself, that as you chip away at the shame, that you are good, respectable person!

 

[Karen12]

I meant a permanent, profound socio-economic change, e.g., sliding down below the federal poverty line and living there for the remainder of your life. Not a temporary setback. It's probably a question for a different forum.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Sometimes perspectives of a larger picture allows understanding. Have you reviewed the stats within our USA concerning poverty?

Quick loose example of a big picture:
"A 2013 UNICEF report ranked the U.S. as having the second highest relative child poverty rates in the developed world."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poverty_in_the_United_States

I offer this not to minimize anyone's struggle (which btw would include me at the present) but to address the cold fact we are not alone in this economic upheaval. Many people work and are still homeless or can not afford health care, seniors who are not able to pay their property taxes on their homes, college graduates who can not find jobs...the list goes on.

If there is shame to be found, it does not rest with you.:hug: The world is in flux and some of our systems have failed.

jmho. Thank you for the tolerance.

 

[Seagreen]

If your shame is around the stereotypes placed on the poor forget about it. People only judge because they don't understand your story. They try to compare it with their own. They look on the surface and fill the gaps with what they believe to be true. Is your shame around continuing to be impoverished or what lead to it?

 

[Karen12]

It's the effects of long-term poverty that I feel shame about, not the cause or the poverty itself.

 

[Friday]

I don't have crushing shame around poverty... As a matter of fact I have a whole lot more problems / shame becomes a factor in middle class-ish-ness. I handle both poverty and affluence fairly well. in poverty I have to be creative, in affluence I get to be creative. It's the middle zone of having both too much & too little that I struggle with.

Case in point... I had to wait 3 years for a shoulder surgery that if I'd been broke I could have sorted out in a few months, tops, when skint. Days/weeks with just a bit of luck. (And am still waiting on 5 others, although I'm nearing broke, again, so maybe they'll be handled soon). I'm stubborn. Finding a surgeon who'll work with me in trade or probono just takes luck and persistence, but it's having nothing / not be able to see that changing in the near future that motivates me to do that. And gives me a leg to stand on when I'm pitching my case. Did that when I sliced up the tendons in my hand when I was homeless and broke. Researched the best hand surgeons for a few hundred miles and went door to door, until I found someone who was intrigued & willing to trade. When I could have the money for it, but am spending it elsewhere? Mortgage, school, bills, birthdays, etc.? Then I wait. Make a lot of sacrifices. In both directions. Similar examples just kinda keep on flowing. From necessities like food to luxuries like travel.

Not saying it's easy. All 3 walks of life have their own hardships attached to them. I'm just better suited to managing 2 of them. Extremes in either direction.

 

[Recovery4Me]

You know I found that to be true for me same as Friday with medical as well during income ups & downs. Not all aspects of needed attention would be covered when I had insurance if I didnot meet the deductible of 1-3 thousand first and then there was the preexisting condition stuff for so long. I could not get assistance outside of the insurance so I was stuck.
However, when I lost my job with the middle-class income due to health as well as other factors, I qualified for more medical treatment in the poverty zone and it saved my life, literally.

A few of my current co-workers have chided me for the appearance of underachieving in my now servant position. As well, more than a few of my past associates, are horror struck with my new position. I calmly offered that money would not do me any good, if I laid to rest in a pine box as I get plenty of exercise in my current field which is changing my quality of life.

Yes, I am claiming shortly bankruptcy. Yes, it feels uncomfortable like my body let me down, you know? But as one shares their story and actively listens to the others whom understand, it becomes apparent that there are balances and counter balances within life.

@Karen12 Are you blessed with more time in this financial condition? What free things can you now enjoy?
Time can be of immeasurable value and offer many opportunities for a happier life in which one really elect to experience quality living on a shoe string budget. Kick your shame to the curb gurl! Shame is over rated anyhow when attached to a judgement based view on the ability to consume. Just tell everyone you are going green and saving the planet. :hug:

Hope I made you smile a little if but for a moment.

 

[Changing4Best]

I am on Social Security Disability and am aged 60. I am determined PERMANENT. That means they don't review my case to see if I am still disabled any longer, especially since I have never worked since I applied for it, even throughout the time I was being considered for it. It took only a year to get it and no lawyer helped me, only County Social Services. I get Food Stamps, a kind of Medicaid that pays my Medicare premium and so on.... I get every benefit and am not ashamed. I know those benefits were voted into existence because children no longer support their elderly parents in this country, considering it the responsibility of the government. (I am in the USA). In other countries children may take care of their aged parents, I don't know. I do know that the Holy Bible does cover this in one of the Gospels. Jesus says that elderly parents should be taken care of by their children. It used to be this way in this country in ages past too, but in recent years this has changed.

There are folks on Facebook that berate me for this, or they berate us in general, even attacking the elderly on Social Security, calling it "Generational Welfare" and saying they should not have to pay for us! I do wonder what they have to say to their own parents!

Laws were put in place to help the poor too, folks who are poor of all ages, even orphans. The Bible does state that folks should take care of widows and orphans. Jesus preached to the poor and helped them and loved them. Our country was built on Christian principles. So this was voted in because of these things, that they were considered good Christian things to do. Are your parents Christians? If so, shame on them. If not, then expect more of the same, because they don't know any better. If they are Christians, have a conference with a Christian pastor and ask him or her to show you some of the passages in the Bible that cover these things, take note of them, and then show your parents. Good luck.