This thread is getting to me....
First,
@Dodge, it's not just you. I agree with these and many other statements on these messages - I've posted some highlights that affect me pretty strongly at the end of this post - but I'll start out by saying: I have a story involving two great traumas ('great' here meaning 'massive', not 'very good :P - gotta laugh so I don't cry). One from some times when I was a small child. One in a large public disaster.
Do you think I say a word about childhood problems? No, no, no. No way. Particularly because my much-older brother was involved.I was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar II and I did suffer, but I was getting by, succeeding in some sort of linear path in fits and starts, and going from there - despite a horrible therapist, and a support that did withdraw over those years.
But after trauma number two happened, I struggled more. And more. And finally ended up in the hospital for my own safety. Blah blah. THAT became my story. I don't mention my toddlerhood, which caused fairly extreme (but always hidden) high school and college struggles. Trauma number TWO is my "go-to" answer. I can even be vague. I have PTSD. Oh, well, you know, I'm from New York.... Oh, yeah, this 'thing' happened 16 years ago... - I know this would not work in many places, but it does where I currently live, a place relatively nearby.
But, if someone doesn't get it, I go, "September? 11th?" and I have a lot of trouble stating the year but usually people shut up. Even though I'm not military nor was I any kind of emergency worker, just being there is like a code word and people hush. Those are the easiest words for me to say. People watched it on tv; most don't want to know any more gory details than they do already. Or at least there is an air of respect. THAT is what hurts me. Why do I get respect - for being in the wrong place at the wrong time? What, for happening to survive when others didn't?
So it's one thing for military to get respect (combat or not - just joining is enough to earn the thanks of civilians). But for me, this event was absolutely random. Wrong place wrong time. I wasn't "noble" for surviving. I . There was lots of heroism involved... So, ok, I say this, but at the same time I know it is wrong. There's was lots of heroism involved, but I sure didn't do anything heroic. I hate myself for it.
At the same time, it's too difficult for me to say the things that happened to me in toddlerhood. I did already have But I was coping. I think there's a pretty good chance I would have been at least "okay" if I did not already suffer from childhood PTSD.
I bring this up once in a while because I feel guilty, like I am denying part of myself...and I am not helping to ease the stigma of child abuse. I could. I could say "This is me, I had PTSD to begin with, and now I have it worse." But I never say that.
This is such a strong - and terrible! cultural issue - why do I get to claim this more respectable thing? Why is it WORSE to be hurt as a baby girl, and RESPECTABLE for a civilian who lives through mass violence or terrorist attacks??
I think it's easier for *others* to think about the disaster they watched on tv. They don't want to hear some stomach-churning tale of a family that seemed fine out the outside, BUT is abusive from the inside. No, those are relegated to things like: "Soap Net TV movie at 11!"
I feel guilty for not acknowledging childhood abuse... like I am not taking the opportunity of educating others, that it is NOT shameful to suffer through any kind of childhood trauma, and particularly the part about suffering from PTSD and then going through more trauma can make a person much more vulnerable. I think that's a message that should be known more widely. But I'm unable to do it. Maybe some day I will be strong enough to write this, to say it someplace other than the relative anonymity of mptsd.com. I hope so.
Sorry this is so long but I still want to acknowledge some of what others have posted here, very bravely!, a selection of things from these threads that truly resonated with me:
Military is easy to understand and accept. People do Not want to be reminded that nasty things happen behind closed doors at home.
Most people don't want their trauma splashed all over the Everywhere, and they have a legal right to privacy. Soldiers/sailors/Marines do NOT have constitutional rights to privacy
People really really do not want to know WHY us not military folks have PTSD....
I think for vets, its a bit "ok i get why"
If PTSD's go to cause was rape, nobody would admit to having PTSD.
That is so sad but I think you are right. The soldiers can claim their PTSD because they got it from protecting us.
they're a single large statistical group that they can study, have access to, have ongoing access to. You can't get what they get from veterans grouped together in one location, in civilian land.