Does This Make Sense? Consumed By PTSD

[vcc123]

Just when I thought I was starting to feel an eek of myself coming through, I got slammed right back to bottom. I'm on the verge of leaving my marriage, feeling like I need/want to be alone. (Yet terrified at the thought of it) I tried to explain PTSD to him, he even read a couple of entries on this sight. What comes to my mind is the PTSD being the base of a tree, and now I have all these things branching out from it.. major crippling depression, (I cant work) anxiety, anger, frustration, hopelessness, hurt, resentment, (my husband started drinking over the last few years) adding to my big ugly tree. The tree just keeps getting bigger, I've spent the last 3 days in a big funk, not eating, not functioning.. I'm losing my grip.. and I'm exhausted from this whole thing. Does anyone have a suggestion for me to save myself? Yeah, no pressure here.. just so tired of being screwed up.

 

[Deleted member 93]

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread2296.html[/DLMURL] read this doc. attached Anthony wrote up, maybe helpful to you and your spouse.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Also the book "I can't Get Over It" second edition has tons of helpful info on understanding.

 

[vcc123]

new at this

veiled.. sorry.. which doc do you mean and where is it? I'm still trying to work my way around this place. Thank you

 

[vcc123]

oh, got it

k. I got it.. thank you..

 

[mouse]

Oh Vcc, Iam so sorry that you feel that you have reached the end of that rope with you marriagesupport is very important with PTSD and its many symptons, and I dont know what other things are going on in your marriage but you willneed support and my hubby was bad at not understanding but he is getting better somewhat, not a lot and many times I feel so frustrated that he isnt trying hard enough and then I realize that he is scared and unsure of whats going on he still isnt the best but ....as an Emergency Service Worker you are used to be strong , Independant, sure of yoursel, alittle invincable and now ,mosst of that has been shoot down I know iam at the same place you are and it hurts Bad but remember you are strong even when you feel weak

 

[vcc123]

Thank you Mouse.. my poor husband is really trying to understand.. I think the problem is more me. There have been contributing factors over the years in our marriage.. but it over the last few weeks, something inside of me has 'shut off'. I cant work on 'me' when there is so much negativity going on around me. The longer I stay, the more I feel like I'm sinking, but I'm afraid to leave too. (and you're right.. I feel like losing control is NOT an option.. yet I'm losing it, and its not acceptable.) uggh. (but thank you so much for helping me tread water !!

 

[mouse]

any time 123 I know the feeling s that you have or at least some of them the only advice Ihave is remember you know what itys like to Have PTSD hes trying to learn how to live with someone learing to live with PTSD a hard place to be in but I would suggest you get councelling for you and him for the PTSD we are and it will help some and then you can make a morre informed choice. PLease feel free to PM anytime

 

[elvis]

vcc. i know where you are. just look to your right and i'm sitting there too. COMPLETELY STUMPED! for many of the similar reasons. i came close to leaving too, more to spare him than because i wanted to. i think instead of focusing on getting him to understand etc., it would be more profitable to focus on you learning as much as you can about it. and you working on the roots. that is what you are responsible for. you are not responsible for him understanding this.

one thing that causes HUGE conflict in my marriage, is when i can't make the conversation he wants, or if i don't have the response he is looking for or if i don't want to have people over or go out with friends...so maybe it's a BUNCH of things and not just one...but anyways...i realized that instead of making excuses and trying to explain the how's and why's, it is a lot better to say "i'm having a rough day, i'm tired and i just want to chill". now, i wish i could say that is always recieved warmly...IT'S NOT. but i am having to learn what is my responsibility and what is his. and what my limits are. WHICH IS HARD. but when i am outside of my limits...anything can happen, and usually someone ends up getting hurt. did you see the PTSD cup explanation? do a search for it. it was EYE OPENING to say the least.

but i will say this too, since you put it out there. making a decision like that in the height of a PTSD shit-storm, is one that you will regret, and will cause more guilt, make more of a mess, and cause more distrust than is already there. TRUST ME. speaking from experience here.

sorry this is long. i guess i had a lot to say. ;)

 

[vcc123]

Thank you.. I wish I could help you guys the way you help me.. elvis.. I feel ya.. I'm sitting here in tears, AGAIN. I'm supposed to see my shrink today, not real thrilled about it. I dont think she has the experience with PTSD that I need. She seems to be more about 'family & marriage therapy', which is great, but not specific enough for me right now. I feel like I tell her things and she sits there with this perplexed look on her face. I'm thinking, what the hell?? SHE'S supposed to know this crap.. SHE'S the one who is supposed to be helping ME understand!!! I've had a couple of good talks with my husband the last couple of days, I think our lines of communication are starting to open up.. this helps too.. he's been checking out the forum and has gained some understanding.. although reading what I've said has hurt him too. I feel bad for that.. but I guess thats the communication part. Anyway.. I'm beginning to ramble.. but please know that I come here every day needing to be held up enough to keep treading water.. and I always find it. Thank you ..

 

[catatonicky]

hi vcc,
The thing is with PTSD, what so many people dont understand, is that is has a "ripple effect", it dosnt just "happen" to one person but to everyone who has contact with that person in some way. It is a social problem, not just an individual one. I loved the metaphor of the tree, the original root seems to become less important as the branches grow and we are dealing with the ripple rather than the point of impact. Residual damage. Maybe thats a positive sign, not a negative one, that we are getting on with the process, i dont know.

I know that my relationship didnt survive it when my PTSD hit, many dont, its just too hard. But we need, as a society, to start getting comfortable with dealing with mental health problems as groups, not just as individuals (who in the end feel guilty for bringing up the problems). vcc, you are using the language of guilt "feeling bad about that", but it isnt just you this is about your entire family/friends/society even. We all need to learn to heal each other. I know the guilt, i worry most about the ripple effect on my boys, how much do i tell them etc. Its hard, but dont take all the responsibility on yourself. If that particular counsellor isnt able to help, just keep looking. Many dont get it. I wonder if anyone who hasnt had it could really "get it". Its hard having to be the one to inform all your family about how to deal with your own PTSD issues. Mine dont get it, and my bro's a shrink, my parents academics. Hah! I've stopped expecting them to, i just keep it simple in that i tell them the bare bones of how to deal with me.

What we need as a society are the public experts who can teach us all to recognise and support those who have been through trauma. Like most social changes, this takes time, but hey, look where we are now, on the internet, talking about it. Even if we are all treading water.....surfing the ripples....

better than being back at the original point of impact, hey?

im hoping that both of you find some relief from the pressure soon vcc :). i keep telling myself that this is really a learning experience, an opportunity for growth and strength.....in a way, this can bring you closer together if you are a team. Or maybe you both need to have some "time off" from it to get perspective, time thats pleasant and fun together or apart. What's worked for others? i wish i had had the tools to deal with it when it happened to me, but i didnt and neither did my partner who just "freaked". Even recently he said to me that he still thought of me as "damaged goods". Yeah, thanks for the support, dear. Oh well. Relationships and PTSD go together like oil and water.
Hope you can make it into a good salad dressing!

 

[vcc123]

Catatonicky.. thank you.. I've written so many things on here within the last few days.. I appreciate what you've said.. I'm trying to get a grip. :frown: