Relationship Doesn't want to spend birthday with me

[anonymous]

My supporter doesn't want to spend his bday with me. Instead tells me he has no plans but acted happy to hear I didn't expect to spend it with him. I'm insulted and rejected and hurt

 

[Sweetpea76]

Did he say he was happy you didn't want to spend his birthday with him? Did he say he didn't want to spend his birthday with you? Or is this your interpretation of what he thinks?

My sufferer has a tendency to mind read and interpret every word I say, my tone, and every flick of my eyebrow. He will draw 102 conclusions about my dastardly innermost evil plans and intentions. Sometimes he thinks I hate him if I type the work OK in a threatening manner when I text him.

He does it more when he is more symptomatic and I recognize it. It's one of his PTSD "tics".

I'm not nearly as devious and complicated as he thinks I am. While he's over there worrying about what my plans are for taking off with the mailman, I'm over here thinking that cake sounds nice.

 

[EveHarrington]

Some people treat birthdays like it’s just any old Tuesday. Nothing wrong with that.

I’m guessing that the idea of celebrating his birthday means pressure, pressure, pressure—>STRESS!

It’s his birthday, right? I think he should get to spend it as he pleases, even if he makes everyone in his life mad....because again, it’s his day.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s not about you in the least. I know you’re disappointed, and I’m guessing birthdays are a big deal to you.

 

[Snowflakes]

My supporter doesn't want to spend his bday with me.

Being anonymous means I don’t have a context to reply to but I can share my story. I am a supporter and on my birthday I wanted to be alone to enjoy my day in quiet peace. This after a week of putting up with my sufferer lashing out at me for god only knows reasons.

 

[anonymous]

I guess but it seems like he'd rather spend it with his family than with me. I just feel like if it were me I'd want to spend it with the people I love.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you are jumping to conclusions and mind reading.

He said he had no birthday plans.

You say it *seems* like he rather spend it with his family, not that he actually has plans to or wants to.

He is not you and you are not him. I think it would be a good idea to accept the fact that his birthday is not about you. Can I ask you why you are expecting him to spend his day as you desire and not as he desires?

 

[anonymous]

I feel like he's hiding it from me

 

[EveHarrington]

Again I think you are jumping to conclusions.

And if he is hiding it from you, then he knows it will upset you if he spends time with his family. That is, more stress that he doesn’t need.

Please accept that it’s his day to spend as he pleases. He doesn’t deserve to be guilted into doing something he doesn’t want to do.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you. How do I not let it hurt me

 

[Freida]

My sufferer has a tendency to mind read and interpret every word I say, my tone, and every flick of my eyebrow. He will draw 102 conclusions about my dastardly innermost evil plans and intentions.

So...you've met me? LOL

Yep - I've done this. I am also notorious for insistng that hubby and I had a conversation, and he said stuff that made me mad/hurt/etc. And he will insist that the conversation took place in my head - not in the world. Which pisses me off because I'm sure he is wrong. I've accused my T of the same thing. I have had to learn that they are right and I am wrong -- that even though I am SURE we talked about it we didn't. It's a part of my symptoms I have had to accept. Could be that what he said and what you heard are two totally different things???

I am a supporter and on my birthday I wanted to be alone to enjoy my day in quiet peace.

Wow. Now that was a beotch slap upside the head for me. I'm not sure why it hit me so hard (could be the pain pills I'm popping) but it is so sad. To think that we can be so difficult for so long that you would rather spend your birthdays away from us than with us - just to escape the drama we bring..... damn.

How do I not let it hurt me

Just like we (sufferers) tell them all the time --- my ptsd is not about you so don't take it personally. Maybe supporters need to be able to do that too once in a while???? No idea why he would attach that to his birthday - but maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with you?

 

[Friday]

Lemme get this straight...

You don’t want to spend his birthday with him.
He’s okay with that.
So you’re angry, insulted, rejected, & hurt?

:confused:

Would you be happy if he were angry that you didn’t want to spend his birthday with him... Or is there pretty much no win for this guy? ( You don’t want to spend it with him, but if he’s happy you’re mad & if he’s angry you’re mad.) Or is there some combo of events where he responds in a way that you’re not insulted, rejected, hurt?

And why is HIS birthday now somehow all about you? <<< Very honest question, I realize it could sound snarky, but it’s not meant that way. How he spends his day not about what makes him happy, but about how you feel.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Just like we (sufferers) tell them all the time --- my ptsd is not about you so don't take it personally. Maybe supporters need to be able to do that too once in a while????

Yep. We sure do. We love you guys, but sometimes we need to regroup too. We may understand stuff like lashing out, isolations, melt downs, mind reading, or whatever happens. We may be experts at not taking it personally. We could be Ghandi-esque in our patience most of the time... but every once in awhile that shit gets real old real fast.

I love my vet to pieces. I normally I want to be with him all the time. He and my kids are my favorite people... but there are days when I've been happy to peace out on his nasty grumpy ass.