Driving Again?

[Bedbug]

I'm looking for some advice on how to get back into driving again. I should say that my trauma is not related to cars in any way and I was a very confident driver previously.

I've been off work for the past two months and am starting to think about going back. I have an appointment with my doctor later today to discuss what I can do. I visited my workplace on Sunday evening with my husband (it was closed, I have keys) but only managed to stay for a couple of minutes before I felt overwhelmed. I really want to visit during the day and see my colleagues as a way of easing myself in gently. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to do that this week.

I've thought about my job and which aspects of it I think I might be able to manage. I am sure my colleagues will be supportive and not put me under pressure to be "normal" straightaway. There are some things I think I can do, and just being there seems like a good step on the "fake it till you make it" journey. I really want to do this and I think I'm almost ready to give it a go. However...

I'm really scared of leaving the house. Over the past month I have been forcing myself to go out with my husband (walking the dogs, local shops). We've been for a few drives as well. I still can't imagine going out on my own, but I am trying little things like putting the rubbish out and walking to the front gate. I will get there. Baby steps.

What's really worrying me is the thought of driving again, which I need to be able to do to get to work (25 miles each way, no viable public transport option). Being afraid of going out is one thing, which I can already see myself making progress with, but being capable of driving seems very different. It's not just a matter of over overcoming my - often irrational - fears. I have real concerns about my ability. My concentration is very poor and I really struggle to think quickly enough to react to the road (although I react ridiculously fast to anything that startles me). When I've been in the car with my husband driving, I have clung to the door handle and the edges of the seat like my life depended on it. I've tried to imagine being in control of the car but have usually ended up having a panic attack, no matter how hard I try to calm myself. There's just too much going on and it overloads my already overworked brain.

Last time we were out in the car (Sunday) we had a puncture on a corner and the car skidded a little bit before my husband brought it under control. There is no way I could have done that. I just burst into tears and screamed until he was able to pull off the road. I know that's unlikely to happen again, but I don't think I would cope with any sudden dangers: a deer running out, an oncoming car too far across the road, a large puddle, anything at all.

I'm trying to think of ways to ease myself back into the driving seat and would really appreciate some advice from people who have been through this. Also, how did you judge that you were capable of driving safely again? Right now I just feel like surrendering my licence and giving up.

 

[a3a2]

Try practicing in a empty parking lot, then quiet streets and slowly work your way up. That being said, for me, medication was a God-send. I could barely make it driving a few blocks. Now I am pretty un-phased by driving. It is a common issue, so don't be embarrassed talking to your doc about it.

 

[cherryblossom]

Keep being a passenger. You will get more and more comfortable being a passenger, and as that happens, you will begin to see yourself driving as more do-able. Also as you get more relaxed being a passenger, try to imagine yourself as the driver, and think about how you would deal with situations. Make a point of observing other traffic, reading road signs, spotting potential hazards, and planning what you might do, so you get used to thinking like a driver rather than a passenger.

You could think about having a couple of refresher driving lessons to help you to re-build your confidence. The instructor will be able to help you to prepare for anything untoward, and also help you to gauge whether your driving is safe or not. Clearly that might be a little way off, since you are still getting used to just being out of the house. In the mean time, you could get a recent copy of the highway code and brush up on your knowledge and road/traffic laws. You could also read up about some aspects of car control, such as what to do if you have a blow out, how to deal with a skid. You might think that won't react in time, but having some knowledge might give you a bit more confidence.

As with anything build up slowly. For example, rather than going out with you husband when he's going somewhere specific and likely busy with traffic, ask your husband to take a specific trip with you, somewhere quiet. Get used to being a passenger on quiet roads, then slightly busier roads, and build up slowly.

You clearly have goals and determination, so I see no reason why you wont be able to drive again and with confidence, just take it slowly and gradually. In the mean time build your knowledge. If you have a great theoretical knowledge, it will be much easier and you will feel more confident when you put it into practice. Good luck!

 

[Barconian]

Get in the car and drive it

 

[Bedbug]

Thank you @a3a2 and @cherryblossom

I think I have a bit of a mental block about driving. I have many goals for my recovery and for each one I have written lists of baby steps towards the final goal. This has really helped me to make progress, and also to be able to clearly see that I am making progress and congratulate myself for it no matter how small the step was. However, with driving I have just jumped straight to the final goal with no baby steps. You have made me realise this and given me some really good ideas.

 

[Bedbug]

@Barconian I don't think that would be responsible. As a driver I have a duty of care towards other road users, never mind myself. I'm not a safe driver right now.

 

[bell]

@Bedbug, I think you need to start in increments and not think about that 25 mile drive in its entirety. Could you and your husband drive that route with you driving it in larger and larger increments? As you know, the longer you stay away from driving, the worse it will get. (Sucks, doesn't it?) So, therefore, you need a few "wins" in your court, and driving small increments will give you them and the confidence that you can do this!

Also, if even leaving the house is giving you trouble, can you go for walks, again, short to start with and gently increasing them? I used to be scared to leave the house, too, but taking really short walks or running quick errands to "safe" places really helped me move forward.

Giving up your license means the anxiety is winning! Boo! Hiss! It's like when you start running or something, and you say, "I'm going to run to that lightpole" and you do that, and it works! And you feel good! Then you run to the next and the next and feel even better! Then eventually... you start realizing, "Hey! I can run farther than the next lightpole!" and by George, you've got it! The goal here is to make tiny enough goals that you collect "wins" for yourself and slowly increase both your confidence and your self esteem. You got this!

 

[Bedbug]

Thanks @bell. I will do this!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Get in the car and drive it

I think his point was to just do it and not think about it too much. Sometimes we have no choice other than to push through our fears. Yes, start out in that empty parking lot of you're not safe as to not put others in danger.

 

[Notsowild]

Oh please don't give up driving @Bedbug I'm in the same predicament. I was in a car accident this summer and as a result developed anxiety about driving again. I've been trying to take it slowly. Each day I try to venture out a little further. I do drive to work but its only 10 km away.

We could do this together! Have you had any therapy?

 

[Bedbug]

The support and encouragement on this forum is really inspiring. Thank you everyone!

 

[Britt.f7]

I use to drive everywhere. Long distances no problem. Then I became ill and for awhile had to depend on others to drive me. I hated losing that freedom. However, it got worse and I became like you are. I feel the same way when I think of driving. My therapist said, basically, everything that was suggested to you here. Small increments. You can do this. We can do this. Good luck to both of us! :)