Dropping Out Of Everything

[ladee]

Sometimes we need a drastic break. Very happy to hear you have some support in place.
Maybe try to reframe what you are doing.
There have been times I felt just like you..to he'll with it..I don't care anymore.
But I decided to look at it like I was taking a break.
I was sick to death of healing work. Sick of my own attitude and wanted the world to stop spinning so I could just forget it all..
For awhile.
When I did some things I had been wanting to do..in my case an art project that I didn't have time or energy for.
I wasn't experiencing SI.
I just wanted to not think all the time.
Then I was able to start back with my T and felt like I was hearing it different.
It is very ok to take a break.
And you have put yoursaftey net in place...now find something you want to do and enjoy it.
Very brave for you to share how you are feeling.
As sick as we get of hearing it...things change...
Sending gentle hugs,if you accept, for having the courage to take a break.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I wish I could offer the wisdom of the ages too. If any of us had all the answers - well, I hope we'd share.

You sound so discouraged and hopeless. Things must be really awful for you. You're obviously tired of everything - it's probably been a long time coming. I can relate.

You do need to put yourself first. Just be careful not to make and big decisions or take drastic actions when being led by your emotions. My therapist has put me on "therapy bedrest" as I call it a couple of times when I'm just too overwhelmed to focus in on anything. Perhaps that's what you need. Please just take a couple of minutes to say a few words to your therapist. Drop off everything else.

Thank you for posting. In a sense, you've encouraged me. I needed to reach out pretty badly yesterday and feel much better for it. You really are very brave for posting your thoughts here even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Mobile crisis and me put a plan together that allowed me to shelve this, and low and behold this morning, my buttons are being pushed again with the same BS. I did do one thing to deal with this today, I filed a formal HIPAA complaint as they were doing referrals without my permission and releasing my records without permission.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am not sure I am going to survive thru this, this morning's crap keep it from being shelved, and escalated it to a new level. Just thinking about it a few minutes ago on my way home I lost it while it the car, and slammed on my brakes. Luckily no one was behind me.

 

[FireSign8]

I am not sure I am going to survive thru this, this morning's crap keep it from being shelve...

I love to pull off to the side of a road & scream when I get stressed. So many small minded morons in the world we live in. I can relate to people with fear of those of us who they view as abnormal. I happen to think THEY are the people with the real acceptance issues. Hope you get results from filing with HIPAA. It never hurts to get documentation for your own protection & the system was put there to assist those in need of help. Sounds like you need all the help you can possibly find. I know it sucks to be stuck, but things will get better with a little time & patience. I just hope it doesn't take 4 years:nailbiting:!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have already made some front end contacts (web) with some attorneys who specialize in this stuff.

 

[EmmaOwl]

now find something you want to do and enjoy it.

I have so much trouble with that - and I realize that's the first step of getting better. To be fancy, I say "improving my quality of life". But if all I can do is sit and stare at the wall.... Well almost *anything* beats that. Watching tv can be an achievement, when you are down at those depths. I hope you think of that, and more, to occupy your mind, to distract yourself from the worst thoughts.

 

[J'qel]

Hon-we need you. You can't leave us. You are one of those who are helping us all bring the world to where it needs to be.

I know this neverending war against you, your every self and identity is hard, but we do need you. I'm cishet, and I'll tell you that your existence in the world somewhere makes my life better. Bigots should never win. They don't deserve the oxygen they waste in their existence. You are precious, you are the step we move from being animals to human beings, from the utter dark ages into the light.

You are desperately needed. We need you. Those people causing sh*t? They're the age past. They're no longer a part of who we are, who we need to be if we are all going to survive.

You are loved and needed. Just because some bigot starts causing issues, it's a warzone out there. a lot of good decent people are under attack. You're fighting the good fight and we could use a million of you. <3

Every step you take, every breath, is a breath in their face, a step against what is happening.

Please, keep on, and know that many of us, regardless of our gender, race, religion, we all stand with you. We're here and we will continue to be, and if I could take your hurts I would. <3

Please stay strong.

 

[EmmaOwl]

My therapist has put me on "therapy bedrest" as I call it a couple of times when I'm just too overwhelmed to focus in on anything.

This sounds a little like what my therapist said to me last week - after I arrived, slumped down on the sofa, and announced, "I don't even know why I'm here."
And he went into this whole thing about how two years ago, I would have cancelled. So I did good, he said - getting in my car, driving, getting myself in, to that therapy appointment, those were all achievements. (The "bedrest" part was - don't force yourself to do extra work on agoraphobia, this week. When I am down low, just be proud I got to therapy at all. Let me know if I misunderstood this, @stp2012.)

He sat down and we talked about what TV show I could watch. Seriously, think.... THIS is therapy? But I remind myself over and over that there are ups and there are downs. I'm not hurting myself. NOT hurting myself is a good goal.

People tell me that things like this will lead me to bigger and better, even if I can't envision it now. These are the things... sometimes we cant see it, but things do actually get better. Right now I'm choosing to believe that this is true.

And so, these days, I keep going. You do so too, @recoveringfromptsd .

I hope some of this makes sense. My brain is feeling awfully cloudy right now, I think it is time for me to at least attempt some rest. But you know, I'm glad I got onto the boards for a bit this evening. I look to help myself, and I hope I can help others at least a little bit, at the same time.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to give up and throw in the towel as the...

Members here are all in pain, and all of our lives are precious in so many ways. I would rather talk to innocent victims all day long than to any of the liars that I have to deal with on a daily basis.
What I would like to instill into you is this: when a victim gives up the predator has won. Do not, do not let the predator win over you because that is what the predator wants, a predator will view the mental and/or physical death of a victim as a personal victory.
You are worth more than a predator, much more. A victim is so much more worth than a cheap predator. Your voice matters to all of us, you are showing us your sorrow and we partake in it. I was at rock bottom before too and pulled through, there are many such rock bottoms.
But to us it is very important to continue to hear your voice. We need to hear your voice and to not forget what kind of damage predators do to their victims. Please do not rob us of your very important voice.
You deserve to be heard.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Freedomfighter I understand what you mean about most of us being in pain. I have told mobile crisis my thinking and S/I is too far along for it to just go away, she asked about if I need hospitalization the other night. I did not say I did, but later knew I did, but needed to secure things at home.

Since I have visited the clinic where this issue occurred with a request for my medical records. It said legal under purpose. That caught the office manager's attention. I told her the whole story and that I am in the process of obtaining an attorney. She seemed completely taken off guard by it all, like a WTF moment, She wanted me to tell the same story to the facility manager, I told her I am already too stressed to repeat, but I told her I would sit down with him with higher ups at their corporate office. Who knows what will happen, maybe they will can the CNP involved to reduce liability, maybe they do nothing or double down with her. I don't know.

At this stage I am near needing hospitalization as all this is triggering me at a supermax level. I spoke to mobile crisis towards evening, and made it clear that doing nothing and trying to deal with this as it is was going to end up with them forcing me into the hospital. That PHP is the best middle choice and better than the hospital. All the hospital will do is keep me safe. It wont help me and may even hurt me. PHP is 8 hours every weekday of intensive DBT and other material. Very consuming of ones attention and thus the distraction I need. And DBT material will be helpful.

Nothing happens till monday on anything. So I have to distract myself this weekend and avoid thinking about this stuff which is hard to do as I have been getting images and thoughts from the abuse in 1977-78. What is bad about all this, is the other day my regular therapist told me it was the best she had ever seen me, then wham this happens. And I had reach a point where I have been able to avoid triggers enough I was not bothered my flashbacks and such much at all.

I am holding on or hanging by a thread as some my coin the phrase.:cautious::cry::notworthy::sick::speechless::unsure::arghh;:banghead::bawling::blackeye::dead::dpressed::inpain::sorry:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Sometimes I think the only ones who care about me is family and my peers in this forum.