EMDR, “Where do you feel it in your body?” Uggggh.

[Skywatcher]

@Freida, when I feel panic I usually say in my chest. If it is betrayal, my stomach. I understand the emotions connected to those body areas. But what about sexual feelings or physical feelings stored in body parts you don’t want to mention? I look at your explanation and those make sense. My therapist says that the feelings move around as part of processing them. That is why they write it down, like they do the SUDS and that other 7 number scale. I think that I don’t want to mention feelings of a sexual nature because it really just makes me feel like I am severely damaged.

 

[Freida]

Oh ya....bout those sex ones. Same thing. Be brave..tell her. Your body is bringing them up for a reason...but it may not be why you think. There is a whole thing about how the physical body reacts when stimulated...regardless of what the mind or emotions want. It's one of the most confusing parts of abuse. But it is biology- not desire. It's abuse - not something you really wanted. And it's not uncommon for it to feel good and horrible at the same time depending on how the abuse played out.

I think that I don’t want to mention feelings of a sexual nature because it really just makes me feel like I am severely damaged.

This ^^^° may be why they are coming up....because you have nothing to be ashamed of and THAT'S what your body is trying to tell you.

One thing I've learned along this recovery road and from being on this forum is that the abuse is much more mental than physical. These abusers get much more pleasure messing with your mind than your body -- and it's a big part of how they keep us quiet.

You did nothing wrong
You did nothing to deserve this
You deserve to recover from this :hug:

 

[Missycat]

@Skywatcher what you are saying totally resonates with me. I am okay to tell my T that my chest feels tight, i can feel my heart pounding , i feel sick in my stomach etc but i also used to just say’all over’ or ‘down there’ when i meant anything sexual. I felt as though i wasnt being truthful because i couldnt say ... and i felt that as an adult not dissociating to being my child self .. it was so hard to say. It made me become more anxious when we would do emdr so i wrote it down and asked her to read my notes. I felt so uncomfortable but she totally understood and put me at ease explaining that i had been sexualised too young and wouldnt and still don't have control of how the body reacts to certain stimuli sometimes. I would feel both pain and arousal ... whoa ive just said it out loud ! I still do at times as we are still working and processing. As i was able to eventually tell my t i now just say ‘down there pain or down there other ‘ ( i would still be embarrassed to say the A word again lol) and she knows exactly whats going on and how to best support me whilst recognising how bloody tough it is.
Please talk to your T , i know its hard but it wont be the first time your t has heard it.
All the best

 

[Rumors]

Stomach, back, chest but the thing I do that is really crazy, I sweat. Like a lot. I can soak a shirt. Does anyone else do that?

 

[Skywatcher]

Stomach, back, chest but the thing I do that is really crazy, I sweat. Like a lot. I can soak a shirt. Does anyone else do that?

Haven’t done that in emdr, but have in my sleep.

 

[Rumors]

Haven’t done that in emdr, but have in my sleep.

I do it in my sleep too...?

 

[Skywatcher]

Well... I sent her an email for tomorrow. It basically said that when we do emdr on the sexual traumas, I’d prefer not to say where I feel it in my body. And... that if she wants, I can tell her where I don’t feel it. Guess I’ll see where that leads. :-/. I’m oddly okay that I said it.

 

[susannahsays]

I hate this question. It feels really invasive to me.

 

[Skywatcher]

She brought up my email and said that I don’t have to say it out loud, but it is important for me to think about where I feel it and notice changes as we go. She recalled that sometimes I say higher or lower and that works just fine as well. I like that we didn’t talk about why I didn’t want to say it. This conversation put me at ease.

Then we worked on a set that has potential to feel things I don’t want to mention, but I felt it in my chest or entire central area. It started to expand outward. Probably because my younger part is in so much fear that her body just goes numb in those areas.

 

[lutz0660]

I tried EMDR a few years back (8). I had such a negative experience I said I would never do it again. I was working with an inexperienced therapist who wanted to jump right in (without creating a safe place) and work on my most difficult memories. I ended up needing to be sedated and was in the hospital for a few days. My therapist dropped me and I was left to sort through all the memories and issues on my own. I didn't trust therapy after that.
During this process, I had a clear divide between my inner child and myself, and part of what caused that feeling was because I could not admit what I was feeling and where. I could not admit to myself that I felt tension in my pelvic region, tension that built to straight up arousal. I was so ashamed, and honestly still am. I hate that I feel these things. Then thing is... EMDR or not, the tension is there. EMDR literally helps shrink the amygdala and helps grow the hippocampus back to its intended size ultimately restoring balance. EMDR simply helps you see the tension and process it in a way t hat is much less scary.
I hope you hang in there, and can be honest with your therapist about what you're feeling. It is important to recognize what you're feeling so that you can begin to counteract the shame associated with those feelings.
I don't have all the answers, and I still have a lot to lean and talk about in therapy, but I hope somehow this helps! Best of luck to you in what ever you decide.

 

[katz]

I was talking with a therapist once, quite a long time ago. But, I always remember the … trembling/shaking that I felt …..between my legs. I had never experienced a physical feeling/memory before that .

 

[katz]

I'm not sure if this fits with the conversation, but when I start getting a "memory feeling", the first thing that I feel is the need to use the bathroom. I finally figured out why. When I would feel "the memory feeling" coming (when I was young) the only "safe" place to go was the bathroom. (You can lock the door without looking odd, or getting in trouble) I was also afraid that I might dissociate in front of anyone that might see me.
Even as an adult, when I get this feeling, I often stand up, even if only just to shake the feeling away.