@Muse thank you so much. My own experience here was informative. I did something that for me is HARD, and simply asked directly in private about intent. I think dynamics are all fluid and always need to look again at what multiple meanings might exist, but in this case I learned that my paranoia was I believe the real culprit. Or more specifically, my own fears about being abandoned by community, being misread, etc. I think all sides of this are real, but Iearned by asking that there is goodwill and whatever else, I need to be doing a lot of work on how I choose to understand others words and actions. In some cases (1/3? really?!) people may simply dislike me, and... thats... okay... That was not the case here. Or, well, the things I imagine are being commented on that I don't like about myself when I perceive them as comments, if I look at it the right way, I should be trying to address those things in myself.
On topic -- I keep waking up with less than an hour of sunlight, which is making hiking not ever work. I'm not simply lazy.
Today have spent 2 hours reading/responding to flags and also made myself a decent breakfast and coffee after actually sleeping for a good 8 hours. Did laundry. This is good. Going to force myself to do some more housework and -- can't believe it has come to this -- watch some TV as good for me to just detach. I have the option of going to the gym (24/7 for only $11/mo!) but there are some significant triggers for me going there, haven't been in a full year now. I maybe will try.
I'm trying to take care of myself for not just my own sake. One thing I can see (going into my permanent record, oh no someone might quote me on this) is that failing to do things to take care of myself that no one else can or is going to do for me and then complaining that no one is taking care of me? (Channeling a friend here) Keep doing that and see what happens, jackass LoL :wink:
My physical symptoms are in fact in better shape today. I guess sleeping and eating are important :confused: I may want to see GP again, think I was too quick to dismiss that advice. My blood may not be same as it was 6 months ago.