Relationship Ended things, a few days after his therapy session.

[EveHarrington]

Not feeling attraction....

Is part of not feeling PERIOD....

Which is numbness....

A definite ptsd thing.

 

[Buttercup]

Whether or not it's PTSD doesn't really matter does it? If he is not attracted, he is not attracted. No two ways about that.

I know that must really hurt you. I'm sorry you have to hear that from someone you love. But the only thing you can do now is to leave him be if it is causing you so much pain.

Im sure you want to support him and be there for him, but are you able to do that, really? You are concerned with your feelings , which is entirely understandable. You are hurt and confused and angry and frustrated. All understandable and natural for you to feel.

So I'm not sure you being there for him during his healing is a good choice for either of you. Your feelings are too strong for him in a romantic capacity.

I think both of you need to step away from each other for at least a couple of months. My humble opinion here.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Right now you have to decide what matters more to you, the relationship or his mental health?

 

[LuckiLee]

What @Freida says is correct. It will never be a "normal" relationship. She's been with her hubby for 20+years. I take her advice to heart.

He has a "mental illness". This is serious sh*t!!! His health should come first!! Imho.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

He’s taken me through an emotional rollercoaster. He has said he isn’t attracted, and then he is, then he isn’t. Then he has feelings, then he doesn’t, then he does.

I told him several times during the weekend ‘your health is the most important thing, focus on that and NOT on us.’

I think him and I need space because maybe my mere presence is stressing him out right now and I don’t want that.

But what’s frustrating is that he genuinely thinks that a relationship ‘with the right woman’ will keep him happy and heal his wounds. As long as he is always ‘excited and in love’ with her and she ‘keeps him on his toes’ and for me that just not realistic or healthy at all. It fairytale thinking. And from what his therapist said and all you guys, PTSD doesn’t just get healed because ‘the one’ enters your life.

 

[Buttercup]

he genuinely thinks that a relationship ‘with the right woman’ will keep him happy and heal his wounds. As long as he is always ‘excited and in love’ with her and she ‘keeps him on his toes’

This adds a bit of a twist to things. He said these things to you?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yeah... my vet thinks if he buys the right motorcycle he'll be happy too. He's just talking. He still has the same motorcycle he had when we started dating.

It's just talk.

 

[LuckiLee]

Yeah, mine wants to move down south every other week.

 

[LuckiLee]

I was thinking.... If a person could make someone happy?? None of us would be on this forum. Would we?

 

[Gs172003]

Thank you all.
I understand that this may be the rollercoaster ride of PTSD. I take on board...

Honey he is not capable of feeling anything right now except what he is dealing with. You sound to me like you use this relationship as a guide to how valuable you are and again it has nothingto do with you.

 

[Freida]

yep. The right person, the right car, the right house, the right trip, the right alcohol, the right drugs....
It's about chasing the excitement in a desperate attempt to "feel" something. Except your feelings.
And it is destructive.

Luckily I found a job that was total adrenaline and that took care of a lot of my need excitement but...

Here's a couple things hubby has put up with.....in my chase for "right"
I moved for a job - told him to come along or not
I put the house up for sale -- he found out when he got home from work and there was a sign in the front yard
I went to Nepal. He found out when I told him I bought plane tickets. He was ok with the trip - he wasn't OK with me not being able to promise I wouldn't stay there.

Then I finally got diagnosed and started counseling and things got WORSE.

If you are the least bit needy, or if you need someone else to make you whole, a PTSD relationship is not for you. The struggle NEVER stops. Ever. Each day is a challenge. Sometimes things calm down, but PTSD is like the 3rd person in your relationship. It has needs that must be met - whether you like it or not

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

thanks all for sharing. yet again I am learning new things. I did not know a "chase for excitement" (apologies if that wasn't a great term) was to do with PTSD. Im trying not to let this relationship define my value, but its pretty harsh to hear "I am not attracted to you" or "I think if you meet the right person, you can become truly happy". I think its hard for a sufferer at times to know "this is his PTSD talking" because we don't have it. so we don't really know what happens inside someone who has it.

I did not once pressurise him, push him for answers or anything of the sort this weekend. I even told him, lets just have a friendly hangout. We went to dinner at it was like boredom was taking over him. He was just so bored and uninterested, and depressed. I want to support him and be a good supporter, and NOT be selfish. I just wish that he realised that his words hurt! and its not always ok to just blurt it out.