whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
So, I have these episodes--which are better than they used to be, but they are still bad--that I am completely unable to manage. I end up sobbing, intensely angry, suicidal or at least wanting to cut, and having very dark thoughts.
It feels like I have no control over my reaction to certain things. The most recent episode was yesterday--my doctor ordered a CPAP for me in August and I only got one call about it, a voicemail that said they were calling my insurance company. I checked, and they didn't call (at least until much later), and I tried to reach the company repeatedly to get a status on the order, but nobody would return my call. I finally reached them, they quoted me a price that I would need to pay on pick up but gave me no other info.
I was super upset because I still didn't have it by end of year (my deductible had been paid up), and they still weren't returning my call, so I reached them through the contact us form on their website. Oh, and guess what? It was ready. Yeah...BS. Anyway, I went to pick it up yesterday, and it was a lot more than they quoted, AND I was required to do autopay for that amount and the monthly rental.
I was livid. But moreso, I think this was just the last straw. It made no difference to anyone whether or not I could pay for it, whether I had something I could use for autopay, that they had been completely dismissive for the five months it took to get the stupid thing. And I lost it.
I have an extreme distrust for the medical field--the people, the "sureties," the treatments. And this most often happens with medical stuff because the system is completely broken and has no interest in actually taking care of patients.
I avoid medical stuff at nearly all cost--I only go if I absolutely have to. It's the only way I can manage and stay safe. I need to figure out, though, how to manage these awful episodes when they *do* happen--I've never felt as bad as I do during these times.
Discussion/suggestions welcome.
It feels like I have no control over my reaction to certain things. The most recent episode was yesterday--my doctor ordered a CPAP for me in August and I only got one call about it, a voicemail that said they were calling my insurance company. I checked, and they didn't call (at least until much later), and I tried to reach the company repeatedly to get a status on the order, but nobody would return my call. I finally reached them, they quoted me a price that I would need to pay on pick up but gave me no other info.
I was super upset because I still didn't have it by end of year (my deductible had been paid up), and they still weren't returning my call, so I reached them through the contact us form on their website. Oh, and guess what? It was ready. Yeah...BS. Anyway, I went to pick it up yesterday, and it was a lot more than they quoted, AND I was required to do autopay for that amount and the monthly rental.
I was livid. But moreso, I think this was just the last straw. It made no difference to anyone whether or not I could pay for it, whether I had something I could use for autopay, that they had been completely dismissive for the five months it took to get the stupid thing. And I lost it.
I have an extreme distrust for the medical field--the people, the "sureties," the treatments. And this most often happens with medical stuff because the system is completely broken and has no interest in actually taking care of patients.
I avoid medical stuff at nearly all cost--I only go if I absolutely have to. It's the only way I can manage and stay safe. I need to figure out, though, how to manage these awful episodes when they *do* happen--I've never felt as bad as I do during these times.
Discussion/suggestions welcome.