Ever Have To Bring Down Your Supporter?

[EloiseLandau]

As in, your supporter heaves a big sigh, and then starts shouting at you about how he's sick of "your issues, your neuroses, your temper, how you're full of sh*t and you can just f*ck off" because he's sick of you?

So you sit and listen because there's nothing you can say that won't tick him off more, and nothing you can do, so you sit there and take it and listen, and listen, until he calms down. And you hear all about how he has other responsibilities and things and how his life isn't what he thought it would be and life is unfair to him and he is disappointed that he will probably never go to places like Paris because of money issues, and ...just... regrets and frustrations and more regrets.

Which leaves me wondering if his life is that bad, and if I'm that bad a person after all.


Nix the last part. I'm not a bad person. This is just rough for now

 

[ronin47]

It sounds like your "supporter" has some issues of his own. I think you handled this confrontation as well as anybody could have. Life presents its frustrations no matter who we are and what we have lived through. I wish I could go to Paris to, I wish I could go to a lot of places, but money has other ideas. That's just the way things go and we must learn to find happiness in whatever situation we find ourselves in. If your happiness depends on your circumstances you will never be happy because there will always be something to be upset about. This is something your supporter needs to figure out somehow if he's ever to be happy.

 

[Barberian]

You handled the situation better than I usually do. Believe in yourself, you are a strong person.

 

[Eleanor]

Sounds like a massive dump of pent up stuff to me. Sucks to be on the receiving end tho. I think you handled it fine - just let the storm pass... and look on the internet for some cheap tickets to France?

(Keb Mo has a song about this by the way..."Ain't nothing wrong with Texas, but I'd really love to go to France..")

 

[4L150N]

The hardest part of being in a relationship is knowing when to step back and not take on the other person's problems. Clearly your SO is dealing with his own things. His issues are not your responsibility. You have enough going on that you need to work through just to keep going. Adding his regrets to your list is counter productive. I think you handled the situation beautifully. I always mentally distance myself from anyone's emotional outbursts merely because my mind is already overfilled with my own things I need to deal with. I can relate to the regrets and frustrations, and in the past what really helped me was stepping back and stop comparing my life as it is to my life as I thought it would be or think it should be. It is what it is. I need to decide how I'm going to deal with what IS rather than what isn't.

 

[EloiseLandau]

I'm sorry everyone. I don't know how I missed the notifications that this was being responded to.

Yes, my supporter does have his own issues, and I finally convinced him to get a referral to see a counselor. I...uh...threatened to stop eating if he didn't do it. Not nice, I know, but he has spent years denying his own issues and if I have to deal with mine, a way he can help me is by helping himself.

 

[Butter-Bee]

My partner is like that sometimes, usually over nothing he will just start shouting about how I cope with things and my anger etc, even though at that point I wouldn't have even said anything. It seems to be alot harder for him to cope with then for me!! I trundle through life just dealing with day to day yet he just cant seem to handle that he has no idea whats going on in my head or what type of mood I am going to be in.
Like you I now think am I the bad one for putting him through this? I love him so much is it fair to have him live a life of uncertainties?? and am I really that bad!!

 

[EloiseLandau]

I Think I Used Up My Supporter

He doesn't want to talk or listen...or rather, he talks about how tired he is of hearing my bullshit day after day. He can't wait until I'm in therapy again. He's sick of me. He's sick of being a supporter
Yes he does have friends he hangs out with, but that's not enough I guess. I'm supposed to be all better. Now. Five minutes ago. So he can stop being fatigued.

When I propose leaving, he hates that idea.
So I proposed we take a step back from our friendship and be more like tenant and landlord.
He hates that too.

He just wants...*poof* all better.

So we're more like tenant and landlord, although it makes him very very unhappy. But if my off days fatigue him so badly... I can't keep leaning on him.

 

[Girl3]

Wow - are you living with my husband - cause it sounds like the same conversation I have.

 

[EloiseLandau]

Maybe he has a twin, Girl3?

 

[EloiseLandau]

Since Butter-Bee has a similar thing going on, maybe they are triplets?

 

[Girl3]

Or cut from the same cloth. Prick-ly but smooth.