Everyone Says There's Help But Where Is It???

[Hatshepsut]

I'm so frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed...etc. I've been trying to really push to find help in my area lately. I was seeing a therapist for a month and it was going well, but we lost our insurance when my husband lost his job. Now I have no health insurance and am in a state where I get no help with getting any either. I tried emailing a concern line in the area but they ignored my email and never wrote back. There is a hotline but I have bad phone anxiety and bad dissociation so I hardly can explain or have a conversation on the phone because I'm always having to have them repeat what they say as I'm zoning out too much and then they just get angry because they think I'm not listening when I'm trying to but just can't stay in reality. Anyway, I also wrote a note to social services in the area and they responded and told me to go the the local free health clinic. I remember from the past that they told me they didn't do anything for mental health issues so I went to the website and sure enough it says they don't and they have a link to a community services board. So I look up the local csb and go there and the lady behind the glass finally responses to my presence and says if I haven't been there I have to call the hotline and points to the phone at the back corner of the room and shuts the glass back. I'm already super nervous and anxious and half wishing I'd never come and dial the line...and am put on hold. And of course because I have a weak bladder when I'm anxious I have to pee like NOW! So I hang up to go look for a bathroom. None in the building are unlocked and all say, "Only for business and those with appointments". So I told my husband lets just go because it's just the same hotline I can call somewhere else anyway and we leave. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm just so done. I'm really trying but I swear it's like ever since I was born life has been telling me I don't belong here...that nobody cares if I live or die...so why am I even trying? Why? I find myself getting more and more angry at the world and everyone in it. Nobody seems to care at all and even when I ask for help I can't get it. Everyone says there's help everywhere and it seems to be easy for them to get it so why is there never any help for me? I just feel like it's a sign that I really am supposed to not be here. I feel like I'm left with no options. Where is all this help that everyone says there is? There is none in my state. I read that most of the hospitals will turn people away now because there are no beds and the state is closing more state hospitals this year again to save money...not that those places would help me anyway. Do I need to cut up my whole body and stand in the road with a sign saying 'Help Me' while soaked in blood before someone will notice I need help? And what's sad is I've thought about doing this because I feel I'm left with no choice but to die or hurt myself so badly that I can't be ignored anymore or will at least be done with it all already. Sorry for my venting and wasting your time with my pathetic existence.

 

[Dana1010]

Do you have medicaid in your state?

 

[cat-lady]

Do you you feel comfortable sharing what state you're in? Maybe someone on here would know about the specific resources in that state.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

That is very true. I had to get a Pro Bono therapist. There are pro bono networks. I was at the end of my rope. She saved my life. But what I went thru to get to her was in itself traumatic. I was kicked out of two therapists' office AFTER they let me in because front desk knocked on door "Her insurance is not good" blah blah and I had to run out the door like "DON'T YOU DARE CHARGE ME FOR THIS!!!"

That was twice.

Then I got a pro bono weirdo. It went on and on for two years. And I did not quailify for her but she took poity on me.

 

[EveHarrington]

I have no idea what sort of resources are in Virginia but I'm guessing it varies widely depending on if you're in a rural part of the state or in one of the urban centers.

Can you try calling that hotline again?

 

[Hatshepsut]

Thanks for replying everyone. I live in Virginia and it is one of the states that didn't expand Medicaid...so I don't get covered by it...only time I had it was when I was pregnant here. We are low-income and get foodstamps/snap but still aren't covered and Obamacare doesn't give us any help because they say we should be getting medicaid through the state which was supposed to expand it's coverage. It's so funny as soon as we fill out the Obamacare paperwork we get a letter that says we are covered by medicaid and then later a letter comes from the state saying we don't get medicaid. Never heard of pro-bono therapists before, how do you go about finding them and are they only at university hospitals...like trainees or something? I'm really tempted to go to the er but I'm not really suicidal right this second (I have a future plan but only for "someday" when its time if you know what I mean) because I have two young kids and know they need me. I am self-harming again a bit but I also know they will try to kick me out as soon as possible without insurance because they don't want to foot the bill and then they'll just tell me to see a psychologist and set up an appointment I can't afford anyway and then I won't be able to follow up and back to square one. I guess at least I'll finally have a diagnosis maybe? I'm still not diagnosed with anything because I've only ever seen a therapist and they can't diagnose. It would be so much simpler if I wasn't so dissociated all the time but I'm hardly even in reality anymore...I can't stand being in reality...it's just too painful, so it makes it hard to leave the house or do anything really. Everything feels so difficult and pointless, and the more I'm forced to stay and deal with reality the more suicidal and self-destructive I become, which makes me worry that a hospital would only make me worse not better as they might force me to stay in reality too long and I won't be able to cope and feel too overwhelmed by it all :(

 

[Hatshepsut]

That is very true. I had to get a Pro Bono therapist. There are pro bono networks. I was at the en...

That sounds really traumatic. Honestly I don't think I could handle that...I'm not very good at standing up for myself and I probably would have stood there and broken down in tears and had a breakdown if they wanted money from me and I didn't have it. You're really brave to have worked through all that. I'm glad you finally found someone. You're right the process to find help is traumatic...I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do what you did. I'm pretty weak and pathetic honestly.

 

[Chem Lady]

Mental health care is often very poor. It's so sad and frustrating and devastating for people who are desperately trying to get help. I'm so sorry to hear how much you are struggling.

 

[Hatshepsut]

Mental health care is often very poor. It's so sad and frustrating and devastating for people who are...

Thanks. I feel a bit better just knowing that there are some people who understand and care out there. I don't have any friends (moved all over when younger so stopped trying) and only a brother and mother that I'm not close with at all...my father, and two other siblings I'm estranged from, and no distant relatives at all either. My husband loves me but doesn't understand and is no help...I always just feel like I'm bothering him when I vent about anything, and my kids...well they're kids...they live in their own happy little worlds and I'm glad for it! Anyway, thanks for your kind words :shy: