Sufferer Expecting Results Or Miracles

[Abstract]

I think healing varies a lot and depends on when and how much trauma you have, the severity of the trauma, your personal strengths, personality traits or cognitions that could block you, attachment issues, and getting the right treatment and self help. I have also started to suspect it depends on how long we have suppressed it and lived with it untreated. It seems to me some unhelpful ways of dealing with things worked in the past but have become deeply entrenched and hard to shift now. They helped then but now slow me down hugely.

What I have developed is a way of gaining satisfaction with any growth I do rather than looking at end date or the reduction of pain. A lot of progress involves an increase of pain so I don't want to start feeling hopeless when things aren't comfortable.

It took a lot of work to get this right but it helps me a lot. I look at my path as one of personal growth and that there is no end to the potential growth open for me.

I think someone with a single adult trauma could possibly do a lot in two years but I think it would be helpful to accept this is gong to take longer than that for you.

I would also check up on how your treatment is going and if you are getting the right treatment and the right skills. Doing a thread about that could be helpful for you. Often there are gaps and that can slow us down a lot.

Personally I believe in recovery.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Just a few thoughts...

I think that it could do more harm than good to set a "healed by" date. Healing isn't a linear process. Unfortunately, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.

Is your therapist a trauma therapist? What kind of therapy are you doing? If you aren't seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma and you aren't doing a type of therapy that helps trauma survivors heal, then I think you may just be spinning your wheels so to speak and setting a date would just make things even worse as you wouldn't really be on a healing path.

I didn't start trauma therapy until 25 years post trauma. Yes, it took me that long to get a correct diagnosis. So in a way, I know where you're standing. You'll meet people on here who have been with the same therapist for years. Then you'll meet people like me who have been to a ton of different therapists and have tried a ton of different therapies. Some people do well with on therapist, others need to move around and find what skills they can from different therapies. This is why setting a date may work against you---That is, if you think one therapist is going to do it for you, but you turn out to be the kind of person who benefits from a variety of treatments, then the due date thing isn't really going to work.

I was diagnosed in late 2008, so just over 5 years ago. I am FINALLY to a point where I am feeling much better, but is it going to last? Who knows. I'm hoping, but at the same time I know I could be blindsided and my destabilizing symptoms could come back again. In the last five years, I've been hospitalized in a trauma unit twice, for almost a month each time; I've seen a CBT specialist therapist; I've seen a DBT therapist; I've seen two more "general" trauma therapists; and I've seen two neurotherapists. Fortunately, I've only changed psychiatrists once due to moving half-way across the country. And, I've been in intensive trauma therapy. Whew. That sounds like a lot. Well, yes it is, but my point in saying all of this is that it takes a lot of time and effort to heal, so putting a deadline on healing probably won't work.

Do I say all of this to scare you? Nope. I say all of this because A) I don't want you to put a deadline on healing and B) Yes, I think that healing is possible. But, if you put a deadline on healing, you'll never know if you can reach your potential.

 

[soulsearcher]

Thank you Abstract and Solara!! You have given me a wider horizon to look at. I greatly appreciate all your kind words and sharing. i am truely blessed to have found this site and people similar to me. I am no longer alone on my journey!!

 

[Seasounds]

I remember being angry that I couldn't solve my emotional problems as quickly as I could solve other daily tasks. I found emotional healing has its timing.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

But trust me, its not going to be easy or fun sometimes. But there are always people here that will love to help you. I'm here as well

Very Well put, therapy can be a long drawn out process or if you are lucky like me and have a very good "T" a beneficial experience. He estimated my EMDR as 30+ sessions just to break down the most painfull barriers. In the end I had only 6 sessions and have started on more self led with research therapy of my own.

Heres thinking of you in your needy time.

Kindest regards and ((Net Hugs)) if you accept them

Laurie71

 

[katiekat]

Welcome. This is an interesting post and like most of the other posters, I don't think a timeline is helpful. It may be helpful in determining if this particular therapist has offered helpful tools to you and how comfortable you feel with her. I think it takes time to develop trust in your therapist and time to determine if they are a good fit for you. I think a good therapist will be checking in on how you feel your relationship is with them and they should also have a sense of if they are qualified to help you and will let you know if they want to refer you to someone else or a different type of therapist.

Also, remember that no one in the world lives a completely problem free life. It is silly to have unrealistic expectations of how life should be and when you can expect your idealized lifestyle to begin. What therapy does is gives you new perspectives and tools to learn healthier ways of coping not only with trauma but life in general. I am an idealist and have come to realize that my expectations of myself and the world can be too high which can cause me to spiral downward into a dark and self-defeating place. But I realized that in therapy and just becoming more aware of things like that can lead to healing.

I also think the longer you are in therapy, the more you will realize how great it is to spend time just on yourself. It's a form of self-compassion which is very important to healing. And you will come to some profound self-realizations and it's so motivating. So, like someone mentioned above, let your therapy and healing unfold in its own unique way and if you feel like you want to set timelines for yourself, it's worth a discussion about with your therapist.

 

[katiekat]

Soulsearcher... this is so crazy. I just was looking at Facebook and saw this quote and I think i was meant to see it to share with you.

I hope you like it!

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."
-[DLMURL="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/joseph_campbell.html"]Joseph Campbell[/DLMURL]

I am going to stick that up on my wall as an inspiration :)

 

[Powder]

I think dealing with the diagnosis and therapy is sometimes more challenging than the disorder. There is a grieving process involved. I hear "bargaining" in this initial post. It sounds like a place I've been more than once.
Like each phase, don't fight it too hard, and indulging in a little bit of bargaining with the loss is a natural, normal part of the steps of the grief dance until the dance ends, and acceptance is finally realized, with a bit more energy to offer to focus more on daily living.

I wouldn't get too hung up on what others think. It's you that has to go through your life. It's what you think and feel that really matters. I think some acknowledging of self-trust is growing in you.

You are probably closer to feeling better than you think. It often feels like it's taking forever just before the air clears a bit. It never gets 100% perfect, unless for a magical moment, but life can be better to the point you want to keep living. You might even feel confident and look forward to new experiences almost daily.

Maybe your therapist has helped you thus far, and you need to do something different to make it to the next level. The process takes time. Trust yourself.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I didn't set a date. My therapist and I set goals.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome!

Sometimes focusing on the journey and not on the end is a good way to measure process. Things didn't end up how I expected, but in some ways they are better than expected.

I hope this site is beneficial to your healing.

Debbie