Other Experience Terrorist Attacks? I Am So Alone.

[anonymous]

How are you supposed to stay away from a variety of pitches? Cannot be done.

I know the urge to stay away from triggers is powerful, but only safe, slow exposure will help you overcome these triggers.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I know the urge to stay away from triggers is powerful, but only safe, slow exposure will help you ov...

Well, mostly I have this problem when I'm driving and listening to music - and I worry that there is a real ambulance coming through.

Some songs, I know it's coming up, but some of the stuff, I'm not sure, and I worry I'll be missing an actual ambulance, so I turn it down immediately - on occasion, that has happened.
Around here, people are dopes about ambulances or sirens, don't get out of the way that they are supposed to, and so I do think I need to be extra-cautious.

Now, if I'm driving and I think I hear my father's voice yelling, THAT I do not need to be keyed in to!

I'm not sure how I could manage safe, slow exposure. Although I understand your point, I'm not gonna sit and listen to helicopters and low-flying planes to desensitize myself. That's not the kind of therapy I'm looking to do. But thanks for the input.

 

[eloc]

Noises are the worst.I am hopeless with my phone now _ I suspect its avoidance a) we heard the distressed people under attack on it and then b) it was the main tool for security alerts for the next four years and they were frequent and we had to attend and respond - now I cannot find my phone for days - I hate message alerts . My poor son threw up on himself in the school van - they tried to ring me for a change of clothes but he ended up washing himself off in the bathroom sink and spending the day in front of the heater. I hear you on the noises - I have woken to thunder and just assumed an earthquake and bolted dragging only one of my children from the bed - number one son reminded me to get number two and then we went out and no-one else was reacting because it was just a storm. Another time I had been catastrophising about the Attabad lake overtopping and flooding the Indus - nothing happened and later I went there on a holiday -I just stepped out of the car and there was blasting so loud - I went to worst case scenario of earthan dam breaching and expecting a wall of water as the 32 km lake was freed -my legs were in full shake and I could not move - no one else even reacted - it was road work blasting to build the road around the lake . Not many people are ambulance aware here - unless they think of tailing one to get a freer route - I can imagine there is no escape from sirens. I hope you find a way to get gradual exposure - I wonder if listening to some recorded and as soon as you feel activation stop the recording and doing body sensation tracking might help your cognitive and lizard brain reconnect . My T worked on this heaps with me and sometimes I would get the sensation of lights and sparks around my body as my brain did a sort of visual check and gave the all clear - super weird and interesting. He used to get me to describe all the body sensations associated with the activation ( shape colour etc ) but only a couple of times I could feel like my brain was searching everywhere for a cause and then dismissed the activation as unnecesary.

or maybe not listen to sirens but talk about them out loud and see if you are activated stop and track body senstaions - also out loud - maybe with a therapist - I ended up going from Balloon gas stomach to dead/someone elses arm to emergency for anxiety in form of heart attack symptoms over a week - so body sensations if they don't move may need assistance. Now I body track alone often but I did have two years of it with my T first

 

[eloc]

Wow.

I left some things out out because it just starts to sound ridiculous and sometimes I forget ( oh yeah that happened)- one of my bosses described Pakistan as a meat grinder. I think of life as a kind of merry go round that you enjoy but sometimes it makes you sick or scared but it never stops. I love Pakistan, with adversity also comes joy in contrast and some of the best people and heartfelt friendships. Another boss got advice when he first arrived "you'll never catch them" which was a reference to widespread corruption but for me it came to mean the injustice of terrorism where there are only victims and more victims and no justice - My T always talked about injustice as my trigger - like sirens this is also inescapable - unless you live in a bubble which is not possible while you work in international development or live in a developing country. or for that matter any country with inequality and a widening divide between haves and have nots. Now I am focused on family because I can't do injustice anymore.

 

[Deadman]

I'm wondering, is it something people don't want to talk about? Or am I truly alone here?

You aren't alone. It is difficult to talk about. I've been working my way up to it. I've seen suicide attacks in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Sri Lanka. I was so close to one that I could smell the fresh blood below the stink of the cordite.

@eloc we must have been in Pakistan at the same time.

 

[eloc]

@Deadman I came in 1998 and have been in an out since then - mostly in and in Peshawar Glt Quetta and ISB . I have fortunately been remote from most of the actual bloodshed despite having all the close associations and witnessing ( sometimes without even realising what was happening) discussed above but have had to stop watching the news and required hypervigilence - the daily reality for people is tea and samosas and traffic accidents more than terror but when something happens you always think who is there that I know or who is from there and are there relatives ok - so many people affected by terror here on top of what can already be traumatic lives. When international aid workers get PTSD its 1 in ten but for national staff its 7/10 aid workers. 6/10 is our privilege at not being exposed to the level of nationals.

 

[Deadman]

@eloc I was there after the earthquake. We worked in Bana Alai. Went back a while later and worked in ISB and Pesh. I was fully in the throes of PTSD by then. So was one of my national staff guys. I don't think my organization did anything for him. I know they didn't for me.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I am hopeless with my phone now _

I know this sounds absolutely bizarre, but during one cell phone connection I had, I could swear I could *hear* strangers hugging one another, over the phone.

That's when, I mean, that's not exactly possible, but I knew that was happening, and so I now have that in my mind. That is one of the surreal things that PTSD can throw at a person. I put it in the category of dissociation... that I was not able to process the events and my subconscious/mind/whatever sort of tricked me.

 

[eloc]

@eloc I was there after the earthquake. We worked in Bana Alai. Went back a while la...

@Deadman so we have been on the same hills - our organization also worked in Bana Alai (maybe same one) and I sent my husband there and a team of ten handy mountain folk to set up the camp - right at the start when the ground was still rippling and they even speculated volcanic activity because all of the weird underground cracking noises and smoke. I suspect my husband has also got untreated PTSD - perhaps because of that anyway we kind of fumble along. I am pretty sure noone is well enough aware to notice PTSD early and get help - I was lucky someone in HR at regional office had already experienced their own trauma and had been supported back to work and she put me onto the insurance track but now it feels like a dead albatross round my neck as I try to get some final settlement and be free of the Insurance BS . I am thinking about talking to the Pakistan Humanitarian Forum about insurance processes and recognising and supporting PTSD diagnosis and treatment before I have to sign any confidentiality clause related to an insurance settlement.

 

[Pixalot]

Hi Allie, I'm new on here, this is only my second post. On reading through the forums, I thought I was the only one who's PTSD was a result of a terrorist attack. On finding your post I felt maybe I'm in the right place after all!
Although here in Northern Ireland there are many people who have suffered at the hands of terrorists, no one ever seems to share their stories. It's a very lonely experience. But you are not alone!

 

[Freida]

My T and I are currently working on my escape from a terrorist. She says I'm stuck in "judgement" because it's my "lesser" trauma and I get really irritated with myself letting it get to me. Yes, it was scary. Yes, I was injured. But I got away. I lived. Others didn't. So why am I still whining about it? I beat myself up because it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

I think part of it is that surviving a terrorist attack isn't something you hear a lot about so there isn't really a frame of reference. Then I found this thread and realize I'm not the only one...... Maybe being scared was/is ok.....

 

[Ronin]

it's my "lesser" trauma

Fire her, Freida.

Edited to add: And point out to her that people consider stubbed toes & husbands cheating on them Oh So Traumatic, as evidenced by multiple threads on this site, alone.