Fear of poverty is making me sick

[cupfish]

This may be more venting than asking for help, as I am not sure anyone can help with this. I used...

I could have written this post. It's horrible. Deep breath, one minute at a time, be kind to yourself, very kind....you'll be a better businessperson if you are more selfish and hence less fear-motivated

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I started the work. I've been working really hard on this job since then, and I should have gotten paid on Wednesday. It got postponed for Friday, so I can finish more work for the same client before invoicing....at the promise that she is around now and won't be a problem to pay right away. It's Monday and she hasn't responded to anything since Friday Morning. And she is the client I've had that has been the most reliable person I have worked with for 2 years.

I've been looking for more work, but I've been taking this job as priority because I need money to pay for stuff until I get other work. I had 0 doubts that she will pay on time. And yet... And I know, I know, my fault, I should have more diversified work, but right now, being in the issue of my own making, I need to get myself out. I don't know how to keep doing this. How do people who have poor/poverty issues make it for months or years? How did I manage this kind of situation for longer when I was younger? Now my anxiety is worse and I am just so tired.

How do I keep working on her project if I don't get paid soon this week? It well paid so it shouldn't matter if I get paid a week later, but on the other hand I'm running out of food and if I don't work on other things, whatever their pay is, I won't be able to afford food after Thursday. I can really really use actually live therapy now too, but if I keep not getting paid even affording my meds won't be an option and they are relatively inexpensive. I am starting to work okay for like half day- have panic attack-take something- work some more. Which is fine if I knew this was temporary. I'm just getting so tired of thinking I'll be out of this situation in 3days, 5 days, a week. Or having money for the next 3-5 days and not being sure what happens after. Somehow figuring it out. Feeling like buying coffee(for home) or sugar, and then more and more things are a luxary. First it was that. Now I'm down to, I have food for 3 days and after that I'll have to be reeeeaally creative. I've said that many times and somehow managed. But there are only so many things that you can do out of solid income coming in. Small loans, small sales, small jobs. Each time I use one of those to get through another period there is one less option. I'm using all my "crisis" plan Bs in 6 weeks period. At this rate, I will eventually run out of them soon.

What can I do? How do I do this? I suppose this is venting though, cause no one can really tell me how to quick-fix this. The fact that this work situation happened at the same time as me having break up and moving out on my own is just...life situation. The fact that my work is so fragile to crises', and that I have no savings is my own doing. So I guess really there is nothing to do but keep working, keep looking for more work, keep juggling what I can eat and how to pay stuff. Keep calming myself down when I feel I can't do more and then doing more. But really, this time I was doing the work, and it felt like I was so close to solution and now I don't know again. It's a really damaging feeling.

I've invoiced some amount, and at least I trust that I will get paid sooner or later, I just don't know what to do until then. Sorry again. I just feel that by saying all this hear I feel a bit less alone and like I'll lose my mind from being this scared all the time.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I could have written this post. It's horrible. Deep breath, one minute at a time, be kind to yoursel...

I find it really tough to be a business person when I'm this hungry. Or to think clearly really. Last time I was in such situation at least I was younger, calmer, and since I was in university, at least my place to sleep was paid 4 months in advance so I didn't have to worry about that too.

But I guess the only thing I can really do is take it a step at a time. And hope, and pray, and act, and repeat all that...

 

[anthony]

How do I keep working on her project if I don't get paid soon this week?

You don't. When you work for yourself you have to have a hard and fast rule about payment and further work. No payment for existing work, no further work. Use your time to find the diversity you need until payment. This is what makes people pay on time and keeps them that way with contractors.