The fear something will happen to my daughter if I'm not with her. Like separation anxiety. I'm consumed with fear. I was a victim of a home invasion by a mask man that left me for dead. And now I have children I'm so afraid. I need counseling or is this normal because of my past trauma? My daughter is angry and doesn't like me she doesn't know everything I went thru and how bad it affected my life. In fact my own mother said I'm over doing it by asking my daughter to check in with me via text message. No one really has that understanding that I need.
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Fears
- Post starter Mway123
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Hi, you probably could benefit from some therapy for your anxiety due to the home invasion. Might be good to work it out with a councilor by yourself or maybe with your daughter one day? Anyway I've had similar separation anxiety with my son but I had to let go of the things I can't control. Do what I can to keep him safe but ultimately have to let go. Its really hard to do :sick: All the best anyway :cool:
Welcome to the forum Mway, although I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I'd specify a specialist trauma therapist rather than counselling in general. Like you say, you need understanding. A good trauma therapist can give you that, together with ways to work through your fears and unresolved feelings of trauma.
I'm going to be very honest and say that I don't think you could expect your daughter or your mother to understand if they haven't been through what you have. Your daughter needs to learn to be responsible for her own safety, in an appropriate way. Part of that is being increasingly trusted to do so.
I know it's scary to deal with trauma, but it's a nightmare to live with it untreated too. Do you feel able to look into therapy?
I'd say both. It's normal but you can still do something about it.
I'd specify a specialist trauma therapist rather than counselling in general. Like you say, you need understanding. A good trauma therapist can give you that, together with ways to work through your fears and unresolved feelings of trauma.
I'm going to be very honest and say that I don't think you could expect your daughter or your mother to understand if they haven't been through what you have. Your daughter needs to learn to be responsible for her own safety, in an appropriate way. Part of that is being increasingly trusted to do so.
I know it's scary to deal with trauma, but it's a nightmare to live with it untreated too. Do you feel able to look into therapy?
digger
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I think some sort of therapy would be helpful whatever - have you had any counselling at all for the home invasion?
Can I ask what age your daughter is? Speaking as the parent of a teenager, I think there is a certain amount of natural anxiety involved in letting them go and find their feet and their independence. When you add in other factors too it can be really difficult and I certainly find it so - I actually have a great deal of trust in my son, he's got a good head on him, but I don't trust other people and it is incredibly hard for me to let him go out into a world I can't trust. But I know I have to and I do.
Partly what has worked for me/us is making decisions and agreements between us about contact and keeping in touch and times to be in by, routes home etc....he knows very little about the level of my anxiety and other symptoms so understanding those isn't the issue, it's been about coming to compromises that are acceptable to both of us.
Can I ask what age your daughter is? Speaking as the parent of a teenager, I think there is a certain amount of natural anxiety involved in letting them go and find their feet and their independence. When you add in other factors too it can be really difficult and I certainly find it so - I actually have a great deal of trust in my son, he's got a good head on him, but I don't trust other people and it is incredibly hard for me to let him go out into a world I can't trust. But I know I have to and I do.
Partly what has worked for me/us is making decisions and agreements between us about contact and keeping in touch and times to be in by, routes home etc....he knows very little about the level of my anxiety and other symptoms so understanding those isn't the issue, it's been about coming to compromises that are acceptable to both of us.
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digger
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I think maybe seeing a counsellor now might help you adjust to your daughter's growing independence. As I said, it's a hard enough time for any parent, let alone when you have additional fears as well.
I think focusing on what you want for your daughter could be helpful....that's coming out wrong, I'm sure you already do that...what I mean is deliberately making yourself think of the confident independent young woman you want her to grow to be. This is another thing I do to help me manage my feelings about my son being out and about.
Conversations with your daughter about how much contact she feels is necessary in different situations and coming to a compromise. It's difficult to find a balance between explaining your fears to them and not frightening, but I don't think there is any harm in saying it would really help your anxiety and give your daughter more freedom if you can agree certain rules. I can assure you that you will not be the only parent of a sixteen year old girl wanting to know they are safe when they out!
I think focusing on what you want for your daughter could be helpful....that's coming out wrong, I'm sure you already do that...what I mean is deliberately making yourself think of the confident independent young woman you want her to grow to be. This is another thing I do to help me manage my feelings about my son being out and about.
Conversations with your daughter about how much contact she feels is necessary in different situations and coming to a compromise. It's difficult to find a balance between explaining your fears to them and not frightening, but I don't think there is any harm in saying it would really help your anxiety and give your daughter more freedom if you can agree certain rules. I can assure you that you will not be the only parent of a sixteen year old girl wanting to know they are safe when they out!
EverOnly358
Platinum Member
@Mway123,
I have so much anxiety about letting my kids out of my sight. This is because of my childhood abuse and because the younger of my two daughters almost died as a baby... at the time I was convinced if I just held her every minute in the hospital, she wouldn't die. That was 15 years ago. When my eldest daughter went off to college last year (she's in her second year now), we had so many fights. I just wanted her to text me to tell me she was safe... she didn't want to have to bother checking in with me multiple times per week. It was SO difficult for me. This year it's been easier, though I still worry. It's just understandably hard to deal with... you and I know the world is a dangerous, scary place. It's made even harder when our kids, who don't have our same experiences, seem so trusting and eager to believe nothing bad will happen. It just takes some time. I think it will get better for you.
I hope this helps,
Hang in there, everything changes,
EverOnly
I have so much anxiety about letting my kids out of my sight. This is because of my childhood abuse and because the younger of my two daughters almost died as a baby... at the time I was convinced if I just held her every minute in the hospital, she wouldn't die. That was 15 years ago. When my eldest daughter went off to college last year (she's in her second year now), we had so many fights. I just wanted her to text me to tell me she was safe... she didn't want to have to bother checking in with me multiple times per week. It was SO difficult for me. This year it's been easier, though I still worry. It's just understandably hard to deal with... you and I know the world is a dangerous, scary place. It's made even harder when our kids, who don't have our same experiences, seem so trusting and eager to believe nothing bad will happen. It just takes some time. I think it will get better for you.
I hope this helps,
Hang in there, everything changes,
EverOnly
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