Feel Like A Terrible Human Being

[Casey_03]

So after five days in the war zone with a colleague, I pulled the plug and abandoned ship because said colleague was not respecting boundaries. I was sharing a room with him in a hotel, and he was just not giving me any space whatsoever -- constantly trying to bond with me, never leaving me alone to work, being up my ass, basically. He also made several subtle advances and suggested we get a room with one bed. He wasn't aggressive or sleazy, just wouldn't leave me alone. I literally had to go to the bathroom just to get a few minutes away from him and his pestering. I tried to tolerate this and just deal with it but ended up feeling like i was going to snap, so i called my boss and told him i was canceling the trip because i could not travel with this person. i explained why ... and he said he is going to fire the guy. now i feel absolutely horrible and am crying over that. i don't want to be responsible for this guy getting fired. he doesn't seem like a bad guy, just socially inept and needy and probably lonely. which somehow makes me feel worse. i do not know how to proceed from here. if he gets fired, he will know it was my fault. he even asked me, "are you leaving because of me?" but i couldn't bring myself to say "yes, because you will not leave me alone."

 

[Casey_03]

I keep thinking maybe I am actually the problem, not him.

 

[Peach]

You did the right thing, don't beat yourself up over it. You told your boss what was going on and s/he made the decision to fire this guy. Maybe there were prior complaints you don't know about.

Sounds like maybe he wasn't a "bad" guy, but it is very inappropriate to hit on a coworker and suggest getting a one bed room...especially after only a few days. If you get to know someone and are getting some chemistry in return, maybe take a shot, but not before.

If it is a case of being extremely lonely or socially awkward, well, maybe this will open his eyes a bit.

You made a judgement call for yourself, don't feel guilty for being annoyed or uncomfortable and speaking up.

 

[seedling]

It gets hard to think when someone is on you like that. It was good to blow the whistle on this guy. Not respecting boundaries, even if it isn't done rudely, has its consequences. Hard to say what behavior he might have started exhibiting if it had gone on.
You may have just saved yourself a lot of tears for your own sake!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You didn't do anything wrong. You stood up for yourself. If your boss decides to fire the guy, then its out of your hands. The alternate would have been to put up with him crossing all sorts of boundaries? Nope, not acceptable.

Part of a job is being able to work well with others, and if this guy can't work well with others, then that's on him, not you.

BTW, I don't know if your boss is an American like you, but if a colleague suggests sleeping in the same bed on a work trip, that IS sexual harassment under American law. I don't know what is is considered elsewhere, but yeah.....You did the right thing.

Who knows, with this sort of behavior he could have ultimately ended up sexually assaulting you. What would you say then? "Oh, he was coming on to me, suggesting we sleep in the same bed, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.".....? If you put it in that sort of frame of reference, then yeah, you definitely did the right thing. Socially inept or not, this guy needs to know what his limits are. Your boss was right for firing him!

 

[joeylittle]

i don't want to be responsible for this guy getting fired.

You aren't. You tried to leave the job. Your boss chose to fire the guy. Your boss could have said, "Ok, fine, sorry you can't continue."

It's not on you.

 

[Friday]

You don't want to work with him. That's legitimate and fair.

Your boss is the one who decided to fire him rather than reassign him, reassign you, tell you to suck it up, tell you you're fired, or any of the other dozen things he could have chosen to do.

Your side of the street is what you're willing to do. You're not willing to work with this bloke anymore.
Your boss's side of the street is on him.

If this was something you could have predicted? Then, yah. Predictable is preventable, most of the time. In which case you'd have acted differently. Maybe. Or maybe not. More simply wouldn't have been blindsided by your boss's response. Just because his response caught you off-guard? Doesn't mean you were wrong. Just surprised.

 

[Ocean5]

Also, look at it this way. This maybe his wake-up call on what is appropriate. You did nothing wrong and protected yourself. And maybe others in the future. Hang-in there and try not to be so hard on yourself.