Feeling like i disclosed to much...

[newtoaallthis]

I am feeling very un-easy with returning to therapy as last week, I had a catharsis rant in which I felt I disclosed too much, after which I felt extremely uncomfortable on the verge of tears. I think for a brief moment I was reliving the experience which was confirmed by my therapist reaction (totally appropriate and supportive).The trauma disclosure and its profound connection to my current life was deeply personal. This was a secret which I have not shared nor ever planned to share with another human being, Once I let the proverbial cat out of the bag I was embarrassed and nervous My T, "said" wow, You have never told me xyz, truthfully I dont know if I want to return. I would prefer to just not return for myself, I think apart of this other than feeling completely vulnerable, is also that this therapist I see in different light because one, I am in the field so we have been to some of the same functions and have had friendly conversations as such. Another added layer is she is working with my daughter.... I would not stop bringing my daughter to see her. At this moment I am feeling embarrassed, ashamed and I care too much about what the therapist thinks I see her as more of a friend than I should and this disclosure has me wanting to run and hide.

 

[Mach123]

My opinion don't worry. I always feel like that. I am much better now. I am telling the therapist all this stuff I thought I'd never tell anyone. At first I used to call her and be like totally panicked on the way home. I used to be like that with everyone really but anything about therapy I was like totally insane. I'd call her and say "you have to promise you'll never tell anyone that." LOL. She's a therapist, it's her job, that's why I'm there! You just are triggered by trying to get some of your stuff out that's all. I hope you keep going and I hope it turns out you have a good therapist.

 

[NightSky]

It's just a vulnerability hangover. And I'm not dismissing it by saying it's "just" that- I know they feel overwhelming. But it's a feeling and it will pass. The more important part is that you're putting everything out there. That's crucial to your progress and healing even though it can be so unnerving and torturous at times.
I have an overlapping relationship with my T in that I see her in a different setting briefly at times, in addition to our sessions. We are members of a lot of the same circles and would undoubtedly be friends if she wasn't my T. I care what she thinks. But I would care no matter who my T was, if I liked him/her.
There are a LOT of times I want to run and hide. But I keep showing up and she keeps proving that even the biggest baddest stuff I share is okay. And because I care what she thinks, it's more meaningful.
I saw a T for two years who I didn't connect with, didn't really care what she thought, would never be friends with.. she was very smart and probably very good at her job. But I made very little progress.
The validatiion/empathy/care/relationship I get with my current T is causing real work to get done. And it's a lot harder. But it will have lasting impacts as long as I can keep showing up.
Just my opinion/experience!

 

[UnicornSightings]

It's just a vulnerability hangover. And I'm not dismissing it by saying it's "just" that- I know they...

A vulnerability hangover! I love that lol!

 

[EveHarrington]

It's oftentimes not a good idea to share therapists with a friend or family member.....for reasons like this. You now feel tied to this therapist because your daughter sees her, too.

 

[Eagle3]

My T and I do see each other outside of the office at times. He's an instructor at the aikido dojo I'm planning on joining as soon as I'm working again (I've taken classes with him before), and I've been pursuing Life Coaching with his support. We tend to like the same therapeutic groups, so we're constantly passing info back and forth to each other. He's my therapist, but he's also a mentor, and a martial arts instructor, and we have had some social moments at dojo events as well. I can still tell him things that I would never tell any other living soul. When I'm in his office, paying him, he works for me. I pay him to put all his attention and expertise on me, and I make sure I do the work that makes the pay worth it. Outside the office, we both understand and abide by the other relationship boundaries, and never cross over any issues. Its weird, but we are both professionals. And we are both capable of doing what's necessary to help me heal while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Consummate professionals will be able to keep the boundaries between the various appropriate situations. The feelings of vulnerability will be a hindrance, but understand those feelings are normal, necessary, and part of the process of healing. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, knowing that they will change in the future. New experiences will alter the feelings, and will create the space for better and healthier relationships. Have fun with it! And good luck!

 

[EmmaOwl]

I am feeling very un-easy with returning to therapy as last week, I had a catharsis rant in which...

I think one thing that might help how you feel, help get through these times when you feel awkward or embarrassed or too exposed, would be if you continued to be straightforward yet asked for privacy at the same time. Something like what you've already written in this post..

This was a secret which I have not shared nor ever planned to share with another human being, Once I let the proverbial cat out of the bag I was embarrassed and nervous

If you could say this, and tell your therapist how you feel, and that you feel anxious and uneasy. You can direct how this goes... You could say you aren't ready to talk about it right now, so could you drop it till you bring it up again? Or, you could use it as a chance to move forward. Whatever makes you most comfortable - I think straightforward works best in therapy, even if it is to say, "I'd rather not talk about this right now, and move onto something else." I think it would be a shame to stop seeing this therapist, when you've been able to go through such a cathartic moment with the one you are seeing now!

I hope you feel better about this as time passes - like @NightSky said - such an apt phrase - it's a vulnerability hangover. I think this describes the feeling perfectly.