Relationship Feeling Low Today

[Newtoptsd]

Feeling low today, can't really express why. My sufferer is doing well (I think) messaging me back and we went on a date on Wednesday, I just miss him. He used to live near me and has now moved back in with his parents, that combined with him recently coming out of therapy and needing a fair bit of space is making my heart ache, but he needs to do this for him and I have to be patient.

Some words of encouragement on being patient would be amazing right now, I'm having a moment and the tears are threatening to fall x

 

[Sweetpea76]

Giving somebody space when they ask for it is a loving act. It really is.

 

[feetfirst]

Needing space is about him, not about you. It makes sense intellectually, but until you begin to grok it on an emotional level, as I've begun to recently, it's difficult. Since coming here, I've been able to hold my center with much more ease, as I let him do him while I do me. It's gets easier the more you practice it. And it's win/win. When I'm centered, it helps him too, as he doesn't have to deal with my feelings adding to his stress cup.

It also took me coming here to realize I had to work on my expectations. He's never going to be available to me the way I'd ideally like him to be. My job is to decide if I can be happy with what he's realistically able to give me (which will likely always fluctuate). The more I detach and fully accept the reality of our relationship, the easier it is to focus on my life and spend less time thinking about and missing him. I hope you find the same peace.

Keep coming back. I hope today is a better day for you. :)

 

[Newtoptsd]

@Sweetpea76

Thank you, encouragement means a hell of a lot.

He never really asks for space, I can just sense when he's doing well and when he's struggling. He went for 2 runs on Saturday and that's how I know he wasn't really coping so I didn't message much yesterday and I won't much today! He also made some progress as he said he wanted to go out and drink on Saturday night but he stopped himself, feeling very proud!

 

[Newtoptsd]

@feetfirst sometimes I just need reminding as you just did that the space thing is for him not me.

I've planned a lot of things this week for myself which is good, got friends coming round for dinner and I'm going to my first yoga for meditation class etc. Question, how do you go about making plans with your SO? I am wary of asking him to do things/arrange a date in advance. I am much better at making a plan but then expecting him to cancel so that when he doesn't cancel It's a really nice feeling.

 

[feetfirst]

Question, how do you go about making plans with your SO?

Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you. S is an such a bad place right now, I haven't spoken to him (other than occasional check-ins) for a few weeks. I'm having zero expectations I'll spend the holidays with him. If I do, it'll be a nice surprise. That's about the best I can do to maintain my center.

 

[Newtoptsd]

@feetfirst Chin up, as you said if you do it will be a nice surprise!! Keep going and keep focusing on you :)

 

[Empath16]

Needing space is about him, not about you. It makes sense intellectually, but until you begin to gro...

I'm going thru with my PTSD ex(he just broke up with me last week) trying to understand PTSD is very emotional when they tell you it's not you it's them but all you can think is what did I do to make him suddenly not have any love or want to be with me. I'm so hurt behind this because in my opinion everything was going great...until what, idk. I've been a big ball of emotion today....:(

 

[Newtoptsd]

I'm going thru with my PTSD ex(he just broke up with me last week) trying to understand PTSD is very e...

Hey Empath16 ... chin up. It legitimately had nothing to do with you, in my experience from the past 3-4 months my combat vet pulls away when things are going very well or if we've seen each other a fair bit and it's getting more intense. That's why recently I've learned to take things ultra slow, I only see him 1-2 times max a week now and give him a fair bit of space. As everyone always says sometimes added stress can be 'good stress' ... you are good stress but it's also tipping over his stress cup as he has other things to deal with emotionally and physically right now.

I can't emphasize enough that you must just take care of yourself, even when my vet is doing well I still look after no1. I try and plan things for most evenings after work, whether it be inviting friends round for dinner or doing some form of exercise etc. and I can honestly say since I started adopting this life has been so much better. Also as terrible as it sounds if my vet does end things with me permanently I know I have my life set up and can carry on and pull through however shit I may feel.

When my vet split with me 4 weeks ago, I felt so shit but I kept telling myself what he's going through on a daily basis is a lot worse than what I'm currently feeling and that I love him enough to let him get better/want him to concentrate on him.

I also feel like reading books on PTSD really helps regardless of whether they may come back or not, it just gives me a different perspective as to what he's dealing with and reassures me it's nothing to do with me.

Always here if you need to reach out x