Feeling Really Down Right Now

[tiredmomma]

I wish I could break out into dramatic sobs right now, but I am so drained emotionally, physically, and to a lesser extent spiritually.

I feel like I've been so proactive in attempts to manage my PTSD but have gotten nowhere. I also feel hopeless because I cannot seem to get the help I need! The doctors disregard me, the 3rd trip to the doctors about sleeping issues, they tried treating me for an iron deficiancy, which I didn't have (tested on the LOW side of normal). This treatment resulted in horrible side effects, I presume because my iron was normal and I did not need the excess prescribed.

I've been to the doctor 3 times about my sleeping problems. Right now I'm running on 2 hours of sleep, due to nightmares, anxiety, etc. My husband has been work-work-work, it's his first day off in a week and he's been working so far 8 hours today.

I'm just angry and fed up with this! I want to go to sleep for 8 hours and wake up feeling rested!

Erin

 

[onebravegirl]

Insomnia is hell, I know. Eventually your body will shut down. I would suggest getting a different doctor or if need be go to an emergency room. Keep yourself as calm as you can, warm blankets that sorta thing. Beware of how clumsy you can get when you are really tired, it is easy to get hurt when walking in a fog.
With hope,
O

 

[JimmyJames902]

When I was going though long bouts of insomnia from night terrors, I tried Kava Kava and it worked (for about two weeks). It's a terrible feeling to be so sleep deprived and overstressed at the same time. Hope you get the sleep you need.

James

 

[tiredmomma]

Finally a semi-decent nights sleep, though it still took me several hours from going to bed to getting to sleep, I actually don't remember waking up all night! I took a sleeping pill (50mg of Diphenhydramine) - which I don't like resorting to, really. They don't seem to do much, I took it at 8pm, and got to sleep around midnight/one. 6 hours of uninterrupted unconsciousness! So good!

I have tried different herbal solutions, and will for sure look into the Kava Kava. It's frustrating because I am aware of and practice sleep hygiene, I keep my exercise early in the day and don't drink caffeine later in the day, etc. I really feel I've exhausted (pun intended) my at-home options.

I am so glad I came here and vented and felt such tremendous relief to know I was talking to people who really, deeply understand. Normally I would blow up in anger at my poor bewildered husband, who I am certain has a very limited understanding of what I am dealing with.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get through to your doctor about PTSD symptom management, I am all ears! I'd love to hear unsuccessful attempts in addition to those that have worked. I always bring my symptoms/issues in written down and documented, as in frequency and such. I am going to a new doctor at the end of January.

 

[gdf]

Hi tiredmomma,

The insomnia is the worst thing...I used to keep myself awake because the anxiety would build so badly and I knew I would have nightmares. I just wouldn't go to bed or I would sleep a couple of hours and pop awake at 3am. Very frustrating. Aggravation to the "nth" level. I could never get my primary care physician to "get" it but a psychiatrist did and I approached the insomnia from the anxiety angle. Since the anxiety was causing my insominia we treated that and it worked for me. Since my triggers were/are clearly defined I could start taking the drug a few days before I knew I would be encountering the trigger. Maybe a psychiatrist would work better if the doctor you're using now is your general practicioner. Good luck and blessings for you and yours.

Gina

 

[onebravegirl]

My insomnia went away when I delt with all my issues. I liken it to a cut on my arm. Pain tells us that there is a wound taat needs attention just like PTSD demands our attention.
I had to look the symptoms in the face and not fight them anymore. To Figure out what I need to deal with, I began asking myself hard questions like "what am I afraid to know","what am I pretending not to know","what am I afraid to remember"?
What am I afraid of?
The agony of all the CPTSD symptoms was worse than anything I could imagine having to recall. I had already survived the Traumas. Now I just needed to go through the left over thoughts and feelings that I had hiddened and denied.
Digging into all the "weeping wounds" and cleaning out the infectious thoughts attached to them, cleaned away the pain, and made room for me to heal.
It takes time, patience and courage, but with help,it is possible.
O

 

[Lionheart]

A psychiatrist is definitely the way to go if you are seeing a general practitioner for your PTSD symptoms. There is a medication that is useful for nightmares; a type of anti hypertensive medication called Prazosin that I am taking to halt PTSD related nightmares. You may want to ask about this medicine. I have noticed no side effects and with a little help from the 50 mg diphenhydramine, I sleep through the night without the intensely disturbing nightmares that I was having before. I get a little drowsy in the mornings but I also have seasonal affective disorder and Chronic fatigue syndrome that account for this. Also talking out your feelings, whatever they may be, here with others who understand is a great relief for me and I hope you will continue to find that it helps you as well. Keep us updated as to how you are doing, ok?

my best to you,
Lewie

 

[Aine]

I also have trouble sleeping. I either don't sleep enough or sleep too much. I personally believe that the reason insomnia is a common symptom in people with PTSD is because our brains become conditioned to be afraid to go to sleep due to nightmares. It's only natural to avoid something we think is frightening.

My therapist and I used to do meditation exercises after every session so even though I'd been talking about things that were very distressing to me, I would go home feeling relaxed and I managed to apply the same principle to sleep. When I find I can't sleep, I find that meditation helps. There are lots of videos on youtube you can relax to.

Another thing I've found through researching the articles at my university and from the Sleep Association is that a lot of people don't have a proper bed time routine. Just like children, adults need a routine too. So pop some lavendar oil on your pillow or in a hot bath if you have the time (add a small cup of milk to prevent the oil from sticking to the skin), drink some camomile tea or cocoa, climb into bed and relax. Put on some classical music or animal sounds and meditate for 15 minutes.

One more thing the Sleep Association says is that if you can't sleep after about 15 minutes of being in bed, get up and do something like read a book because otherwise your brain fails to associate your bed with sleep.

I know it sounds like a very mild solution to a severe problem but honestly, it worked for me and it's pretty much just classical conditioning of the brain. Just think, if Pavlov could do it, so can we :)

Love, Light and Sweet Dreams,

Aine.

 

[tiredmomma]

Well I've finally managed to get some time to come back to the forums! School started yesterday, I'm looking forward to it for sure.
I have been (trying my best) to practice proper sleep hygiene, avoiding bed is definitely instinctual for me, and I always feel more alert and energetic at night - maybe that’s anxious energy. I must agree, I either sleep WAY too much or not enough.

Much of my trauma is vague (the childhood sexual abuse) and much that is not (multiple rapes while homeless pre-teen, childhood physical abuse etc.). So I have a mixture of vague horror at what I know happened but can’t recall and straight up horror of what I can vividly recall. The vague horror is by far worse - I’ve been working to make peace with it, but body memories, for me are so much harder to experience than flash backs.

I've been without counsel for about a year now - my ex-counselor was ineffective for me - I need a physiatrist, and I will ask the doctor for a referral. I have been un-medicated since August - but the Celexa was only causing negative side effects. I was on it for a year.

I need to move - I’m living in my home town where almost all my trauma occurred and where I have to face my father - when I can't avoid him. We have to sell the house, we have no more need to be here as my Grandma (we cared for) is now in a nursing home. It’s a little sad, I like this house/property, it’s been our home for 3 years.

I wish that I could have a relationship with my mother and that she could see her grandkids - without involving my father. But they are still together. We have a semi-okay thing set up where she comes to see the kids at my house alone. But they get pushier at Christmas, wanting the kids at their house, and they always ask to take the kids camping in the summer, although we always tell them no. I suspect I will have to cut ties with her, which is also sad.

 

[tiredmomma]

Oh also, I read that you should get up and do something boring like pay bills, something non-stimulating :).

 

[JimmyJames902]

Just like Gina said, I too had an extended period of being freightened of even falling asleep, due to recurring nightmares (actually night-terrors). I would wake up with my body covered in sweat, my heart pounding out of my chest, tears running down my face and, for a few minutes, not being able to discern between the nightmare and the reality of being awake in my bedroom. It was kind of like an out-of-body experience: I would be in a state of extreme hyper-arousal, and observed myself pacing around my aparment like a wounded animal for about 45 minutes to an hour, making a strange kind of sound (kinda like a loud wimpering dog).

This kind of PTSD nightmare-cum-episodic freak-outs lasted for about three years, until I just stopped dreaming altogether (or rather, I stopped remembering any of my dreams at all). I haven't remembered a dream in years, and suspect that my brain must have gone through some bio-chemical changes to prevent me from remembering the nightmares. I still had trouble getting a really good night's sleep, but at least I wasn't having nightmares anymore. I still get one or two of these nightmare-cum-episodic freak-outs a year, but I'm grateful not to have them every night.

Has anybody else had a similar experience ?? I'd really like to know how common is the above nightmare-scenario ??

 

[rjtransient]

I'm impressed with how proactive you've been and how insightful the comments in this thread have been. (Thank you to Lionheart777 for mentioning prazosin, btw.)

tiredmomma,

You're doing so many things right. You know that you need a new doctor, you're going to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, you've tried sleep hygiene, and you know that dealing with your PTSD symptoms will help you to manage your insomnia. You mention that you feel more alert and energetic at night. That could be partially because of conditioning - as a personal example, I'm already a night owl. As a teen, I started going to bed later at night and waking up later in the day in order to asynchronize my schedule with my father's. You might be able to readjust your sleep schedule once you move out. It could also be that you're naturally (biologically) running on a different schedule and PTSD aggravates this. If you're more awake at night AND you're dealing with trauma symptoms, why wouldn't you want to avoid bed?

You'll want to rule out any other untreated conditions that could be contributing to the oversleeping/undersleeping pattern.

I think that eventually finding a way to subdue the vague horror will do wonders for your insomnia. All in due time once you move out, find a new doctor and a psychiatrist, and so forth.

In the short term, I find that melatonin and benzodiazepines help. Even if I'm thinking "But it's 11 PM and I'm finally awake! Why drug myself now?"

Um . . . it gets hazier after that. Sometimes before bed I write lists of things that have to be done. I keep a lined notebook by the bed. If I initially can't sleep because of anxiety provoking thoughts, I'll turn the light on and start writing.

Sleep hygiene is hit or miss, especially for those of us who have insomnia as a byproduct of an untreated psychological condition, or for the minority of people like me who have childhood-onset insomnia. I'll give myself half an hour to let my mind drift. Then I compartmentalize my real world problems and won't allow myself to go there. Only relaxing thoughts from here on out. If I'm still too awake, I'll try the writing, try some OTC supplements, and then return to bed. If my mind keeps wandering into bad areas, I'll eventually take a sleeping pill.

Could you try something new on an as-needed basis? I'm on a prescription drug called zopiclone. Hypnotic sedatives are . . . well, hypnotic. Zopiclone lets me latch onto one of those relaxing thoughts/images/mantras and drift off to it. I find that diphenhydramine, trazodone, etc. do make me drowsy, but it's not the hypnotic kind of drowsiness that actually puts me to sleep. YMMV.

I think this will slowly improve for you as you receive the treatment you need.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get through to your doctor about PTSD symptom management, I am all ears! I'd love to hear unsuccessful attempts in addition to those that have worked. I always bring my symptoms/issues in written down and documented, as in frequency and such. I am going to a new doctor at the end of January.

Those last two lines? Well done. You're already handling this well.

Some doctors you just can't get through to. They have their own opinions about insomnia and PTSD... usually not very well-informed opinions. Until you can see a new doctor, I'd stick to the list of symptoms and try to get a feel for what your doctor is or isn't willing to do. Some doctors don't believe in c-PTSD; some doctors don't know how to treat insomnia beyond recommending sleep hygiene and drugging you; some doctors instantly go on the defensive when a patient seems to be more well-informed than the doctor is.

In my experience, until you find a health care professional who listens well and is willing to research if she doesn't fully understand a condition or a medication, it's better to work around the issue. Don't even mention your diagnosis. Mention the symptoms that you think he or she might be able to help you with. As you've already been doing, from the looks of it.