Fiancé Has Ptsd....struggling To Cope

[Pumpkin86]

Hi. I'm new to this site. I am looking for any advice people can give me.

My fiance and I have been together two years. He is ex military of 15 years and experienced some shocking things during that time and was diagnosed with Ptsd roughly a year ago.

When we first met he was the perfect partner. He was affectionate, loving, talkative, socia, he was my best friend and my lover all in one. I work full time and he is currently unemployed, I would come home from work to find the house spotless, a bath run for me, candles burning and dinner being prepared. Now I'm not saying that continues throughout every relationship as I know full well it doesn't but the drastic changes in him I'm finding hard to handle.

Now he barely helps me around the house. There are some days he doesn't even open the curtains. He is extremely short tempered with me, I'm on eggshells all the time so I don't accidently P him off by sneezing too loudly or something. He won't come anywhere with me. On the rare occasion I may get a hug and a kiss let alone anything else. I find myself coming home from work to the house work, doing dinner, the washing, ironing etc and he's been at home all day.

I'm aware I sound like a moaning Mrs but this isn't the man I fell in love with and the PTSD is to blame as I know this isn't him. The man I met two years ago is the real him.

He went and got help himself as he knew things were bad. He's on anti depressants and sees a therapist once a fortnight so he is getting the help he needs. I'm just so worried about loosing him. I Darent speak to him about it because he just gets wound up and says he will leave if I can't handle it, I don't want him to leave, I love him so much but he doesn't seem to realise this is also difficult for me as well as him.

Please, I don't want anyone to miss interpret this as to any form of physical violence because that truly is not the case. He has ever ever been remotely violent towards me.

I just wonder how other people cope? Am I looking at it all wrong? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not?
Any advice appreciated.
Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No, you're not in the wrong in the least!

PTSD is a tricky thing to deal with to say the least....

I think it is worth saying something to him even if it does indeed upset him because the only other option is to pray that things get better on their own (and in the meantime you may spend an entire lifetime praying while nothing changes.)

I know its hard to say something to him, but this is your life too. If your already walking on eggshells right now, your anxiety levels will only get worse. And any thoughts of kids? Might as well throw those dreams out the window....

I'm not trying to be harsh, rather I'm saying that PTSD is something that only gets better when actively worked on. If one partner is causing anxiety issues in the other, that is a recipe for disaster if it all is just swept under the rug time after time.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I too work whilst hubby stays home. We go through phases where the house is spotless and I'm not allowed to lift a finger, and times when I have to do most things around the house.

We have a board in the kitchen that I write a list of things to do on. Not because he's too stupid to work out what needs doing, but because sometimes he feels so overwhelmed he doesn't know what to do. He says it helps to have a list so he doesn't have to make any decisions, he can just do the chores listed without giving it any thought.

He tends to be quite good at letting me know how he's doing, so I can tailor the list. So on a good day I could just put 'laundry' and he'd be fine to sort, load, hang out, out away, etc. Other days I might have to put 'hang out washing after 11am'.

Communication is important, and I know it can be hard to get your point across without their defenses going up, but you need to find a system that works for you.

Good luck x