Fight mode. please help me find ways to pause!

[EveHarrington]

Fight, flight, fawn, freeze.

Hands down, I’m a fighter.

And, it’s destroying so much of the good in my life right now.

I get triggered, I feel unsafe, and I just fight to push everyone away so that I get my space and feel safe again.

Damn you, primitive mind.

I need to find as many wrenches as I can to throw into the gears of my mind so that I can stop the fighting behavior.

When you feel like fighting, when you feel unsafe and will do anything to feel safe again, what stops you from acting on your fears? My mind flies into DGAF (don’t give a fck) mode and NOTHING seems to have any effect at that point. I don’t care what I do, I don’t care what happens, as long as I can feel safe again.

Please help me.

I am desperate to change this behavior.

 

[ILoveLife]

I have this same problem.
I'm expressing it in creative outlets instead of on others, finally.
Collage and drawing - the focus needed and the expression itself is enough for some aftershock lightbulb moments on how to *properly behave* lol..
Photos with my phone, because I'm afraid people will steal my camera. Mostly nature and "artistic" photos of my cats for lack of alternative models.
Writing.
...whatever comes to mind really.

In all honesty, it does help a lot just to realise other people don't need to take on my drama.

 

[Freida]

I get triggered, I feel unsafe, and I just fight to push everyone away so that I get my space and feel safe again.

instead of actively pushing them away can you ask for a time out? So that you can be alone until you are ready to interact again? Maybe that's a time for a safe word that you work out ahead of time --- If I'm overwhelmed by my feelings I'll say (insert word here) and that means leave me alone and we will discuss it later.....

 

[EveHarrington]

instead of actively pushing them away can you ask for a time out? So that you can be alone until you ar...

It oftentimes goes down over text.

My guy and I agreed to a time out emoji. I threw it out twice today and he kept responding so I was like fck it, let’s rumble. You don’t listen to my “NO”...? I’m not going to back down.

Shit, I even pick fights over text.

Today I fired my community support worker. Yeah, not the best idea.

I picked a fight with my mom because she was bitching about something stupid and I said enough!

A few days ago I let my dad have it. Then again, the asshole deserved it for the shit he’s put me through and I actually meant to kick him out of my life for good. (This is an ongoing issue, discussed in therapy, and for the best.)

I know that my stress right now stems from the crap with my dad. I’m working on it in therapy.

 

[somerandomguy]

I try to pay attention to my body signals that I'm losing my temper. My hands start to shake, I start to breathe more shallowly, my jaw clenches. If I can recognize those signs, then I have time to stop and leave the situation gracefully. Well, maybe not gracefully, but without just ditching the person who's pissing me off at least.

 

[EveHarrington]

Thank you for your ideas.

So far I’m working on simply pausing before I respond.

Good stuff, bad stuff.....all responses get a pause. I’m pausing for 10 minutes before responding to texts.

 

[Freida]

se. I’m pausing for 10 minutes before responding to texts.

That's smart!!

 

[shimmerz]

Choose a time of the day that you just punch and kick the shit out of something. Let yourself come to visualize what you are angry about. For me the visualizations naturally happen. Like a slowed down flashback. I have come to believe that if my body can't express that anger (thus why I have conversion disorder) then the brain inappropriately has me lash out or drop or whatever I absolutely don't want to be doing.

I prefer to do this shit on my own time and without witnesses.

 

[Sideways]

To me, it would be a case of dealing with the underlying distress levels.

So, whether you’re quickly reverting to fight mode, or flight/freeze/fawn mode, you go into each of those modes when your distress levels get too high. Getting into a habit of monitoring your SUDS throughout the day helps a lot of people with this. Recognising, even before you enter a distressing situation, “I’m already pretty stressed right now”, gives you an opportunity to take 5 and bring those distress levels down.

For me personally, I’ve also noticed over time that if I can get myself to start the day with exercise and a good breakfast? I seem to set myself up for lower SUDS throughout the day. It doesn’t mean I don’t get distressed, it seems to just help me empty out my stress cup a little before I take on the day. Which gives me much better resilience throughout the day. So, finding a morning routine that helps you empty out the stress cup a little may also help?

 

[Anana]

I dont know if you are ok with working on " parts". If yes- comfort your little Eve. She is scared. Reassure her she is not alone and do not have to fight for herself. There are people who really love her and care. And maybe not always the way she needs but they really love her. And you love her the most. And we are here with You, if you dont mind let me to hug you

 

[Abstract]

Well done for acknowledging and working on it. That is always brave and huge step forward already. When I looked at all the ingrained reactions we have to situations (the 4 f stuff) I read how our beliefs about these play a part. An undercurrent. My sisters mode of choice was also fight. I read that fight can feel strong or protective to people and she confirmed that's what she felt., as have others I have spoken to. Even when she saw faces flinch or withdraw. She felt power then shame and isolation. Changing how I perceived the reactions for mine helped set a backdrop for the other work I did on my reactions. She also confirmed it helped her to look at the other modes of response and the fight response and really process the effects each has in a situation. When she realised habitual fight actually wasn't protecting her it helped her change.

 

[In Exile]

I'm having to learn how to let go of anger as well. I drive my scooter around in Taiwan and the drivers are insane here. I am learning to pause, and just tell myself to let it go.