Sexual Assault Finally I Can Open Up

[HAlex]

For some reason, I need to open up about this.

I have never told anybody about this, yet it seems easier to talk about this on here. Maybe , its because I know I wont be judged.

When I was 16, I was raped by who I thought was my friend.

It makes me feel so dirty and tainted. I feel absolutely disgusting. I am disgusting.

I just wish I had gone to the police and was able to tell someone. I see this man aroound my town and it makes me so angry!.

Im sorry if this post seems very disconnected, I just dont know how to deal with this.

Opening up about this is a great relief.

Thank you all for listening in advance x

 

[RussH]

@HAlex First welcome to the forum, and congratulations on opening up. You are right this is a place you can open up and not be judged.
but, even if we did judge, a word we would never use discribing you is discusting.
I understand the feelings you are having about yourself, but sometimes our feelings lie to us. You were a victim. You did not ask your supposed friend to rape you, you did not want him to rape you, and you are not in any way to blame for what happened.

Rape is a crimminal act, and victims of rape do not ask for it any more than robbery victims ask to be robbed. I hope you will go easy on yourself, and realize that you are not discusting: just hurt.

Have you seen a therapist? If not I strongly encourage you to do so. A therapist will help you deal with the trauma, and the negative emotions you are experiencing. I know it may not seem like it now, but you can overcome this, and recover a healthy opnion of yourself.

There are many here on the forum who have been in your situation, and I am confident they will reach out to you and offer you wonderful support as you deal with this trauma in your life.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@HAlex welcome to the forum and :hug:s if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[sarahscott92]

I'm glad that you've found a place where you feel free to share your story without fear of judgement. I too, was raped at the age of 16 by someone I thought was a "trusted friend." I also failed to share my experience with law enforcement (family, and friends). I want to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle, and most importantly you are not at fault, nor are you by any means disgusting. The feelings you've expressed are something I've experienced firsthand, I can empathize and I am so, so very sorry that this happened to you. While I cannot say with certainty that I've worked through my own experience with this type of trauma entirely, I have found that opening up about it in a safe environment has helped tremendously. Knowing that I was not alone, and that there were other people out there who had endured similar traumas allowed me to to accept myself as I was, and it helped enormously to separate myself from that specific event. You are more than your past, you are more than your trauma -- your identity is entirely your own, and that is something that in time I hope you can come to embrace. Your strength alone is something to be admired.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Welcome to the forum :)

You have found a close knit community here who help support each other through the ups and downs of living with PTSD and life.

I am so sorry you went through this, but I do understand. I was raped this past November, but by a stranger (well kind of). My roommate had a friend over and their 2 boyfriends plus her boyfriend's friend whom she nor her friend knew. They all left (except the stranger) to go to the store, he stayed and yeah... I was afraid to speak up about it until June when I told my therapist, but I haven't taken any action against him.

I deal with the same feelings of disgust and blaming myself for not locking my bedroom door. You did not ask for this, and he is the disgusting one, not you.

I agree with @RussH finding a therapist if you haven't already will help you deal with all the emotions and for lack of a better word, "Junk" relating to the trauma. Of course you also have all of us here now too. :hug: if you wish for them!

 

[Weremonks]

Welcom HAlex, and hope you enjoy the forum. I can empithize a little with you, I was raped shortly after turning 17, and it was by someone who I had considered a friend at the time. For a long time it was really hard for me. I didn't tell anyone until almost a full year later, but what I found out was that the more open I was with people who I trusted (a select few friends) things got better, faster. When I didn't tell anyone, I was dealing with everything on my own with no input from others and no one to relate to or go to when it got bad, but after I told my best friend I found out that things get a lot better. Looking back on it almost two years ago now it doesn't hurt as bad, my past isn't defining my every move. I hope you like it here, and I hope you get the best of things