Finding spirituality despite trauma

[Hopefulphoenix]

Hi.
I am not a Christian, but I do have a longing and big need in me for the spiritual. Im at a very scary turning-point in my recovery in which I am realising, nobody is going to ‘rescue me’ better. I have to be so brave and begin trying to rescue myself. But I feel like I am not strong enough.
When I was 22, I got into 12 step groups which got me sober, but never really brought me further because of my childhood trauma. I had I felt glimpses then of a relationship with a higher power.
I always thought that I would find a way back into meetings but recently I have realised I am just different. Its very very painful. I cant do a step 4 and sponsoring someone with complex ptsd is a pretty tall order. I have tried and tried going back to meetings, but I think I am constantly re triggered by feeling different. I cant do a b and c and then hey presto; alot better.
I dont believe, for me, that a higher power plans out a bunch of lessons for us to grow on. (If so, boy I must be a pretty evolved soul if this is what he has in store). I do however, I think so at least, believe there is a source of strength out there.
My trouble is that I dont know how to access it. Praying just feels futile. I guess I was always taught “faith without works is dead” anyway.
I had a search on Amazon for books on the subject but didnt find anything.
Has anyone here managed to get a personal spiritual connection going, without a group of people to kind of endorse it?
If there actually is something -out there- it must exist outside of 12 step programs, right?

 

[Changing4Best]

When I was in the 2nd grade in grammar school, my father was an atheist. I was curious about whether there might be a God or not. I decided to reach out and ask for God to show itself to me. I was watching a commercial on the TV at the time for a soaky toy that one uses for bathing. I hated taking baths at the time, so I said to this unknown God, "Send me one of those, and I promise I will take a bath when I am supposed to." Well! Soon thereafter, my father brought one home from the store. I was flabberghasted, as I really did not at all expect my dad, who was a really serious guy and never bought me much in the way of toys, to come home with this. So, I took baths.

Soon thereafter I saw another commercial for the next toy in the series, and I asked for that one too, to this unknown God. Yup, that one arrived soon thereafter, by way of my atheist dad.

I never asked for another one, and did not receive another one either.

I guess my point in all this is, ask and you might get some answers. Speak as if the God you want to know is there listening. I hope you get some answers!

 

[TruthSeeker]

Hi.
I am not a Christian, but I do have a longing and big need in me for the spiritual. Im at a very scary turning-point in my recovery in which I am realising, nobody is going to ‘rescue me’ better. I have to be so brave and begin trying to rescue myself. But I feel like I am not strong enough.
When I was 22, I got into 12 step groups which got me sober, but never really brought me further because of my childhood trauma. I had I felt glimpses then of a relationship with a higher power.
I always thought that I would find a way back into meetings but recently I have realised I am just different. Its very very painful. I cant do a step 4 and sponsoring someone with complex ptsd is a pretty tall order. I have tried and tried going back to meetings, but I think I am constantly re triggered by feeling different. I cant do a b and c and then hey presto; alot better.
I dont believe, for me, that a higher power plans out a bunch of lessons for us to grow on. (If so, boy I must be a pretty evolved soul if this is what he has in store). I do however, I think so at least, believe there is a source of strength out there.
My trouble is that I dont know how to access it. Praying just feels futile. I guess I was always taught “faith without works is dead” anyway.
I had a search on Amazon for books on the subject but didnt find anything.
Has anyone here managed to get a personal spiritual connection going, without a group of people to kind of endorse it?
If there actually is something -out there- it must exist outside of 12 step programs, right?

Core Shamanic Journeying is the extent of my religion- It practices healing trauma, compatible with parts and parts retrieval, and there is no rhetoric. It is a safe way to travel to your internal safe place and work on you. There is no book of rules ( Bible, Koran, etc), no formal church meetings)-nor huge Sunday gatherings- unless you find s local group that meets regularly. For more info check out shamanism.org. about healing parts of self and soul retrieval.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

My trouble is that I dont know how to access it.

That means you know it´s there. You just don´t know how to access it. Even people who are very spiritual sometimes lose access to it.

To me spirituality is about intuition. Intuition means witnessing things within you that other people are not witnessing. That´s why meditation can be effective. Observing what´s really going on within you takes time, patience, practice.

The way to do that differs for everybody. Some do yoga, others meditate, others repeat mantras (plenty on youtube). Others try the methods mentioned above. Some books can also be helpful. I recommend The Fourth Way, by Gurdijeff.