Finished A Mediocre Job, Not Sure How I Feel

[SeekingAfrica]

So, the jobs I do regularly are sort of client based, and the clients and tasks vary(sort of like assistant). I have a bigger client which is the most of my inclome, and few side projects.

One of the things was being asubstitute virtual assistant for few days...which I usually do decently.I was schedule to do this job for 2 months already.

However the last weeks therapy and triggers and reactions, it's been all going downhill. I've been struggling to even just try to keep up with regular daily things. Some weeks I can work a full week and more, but in weeks like this one, I can barely manage 1-2 hours a day. With breaks.

It feels horrible. And I'm taking meds, and doing therapy, and doing everything I can to improve things. But as it is things are just rough for a while. SO I finished the job today(struggling all the way through and taking breaks all the time) and from some emails I got the overall impression I did okay-ish mediocr-ish or whatever.

It's not the end of the world and considering my mental state lately even finishing it at all is something, but I still feel...Not sure...I feel bad that I didn't do my best. I feel happy I showed up at all. I feel relieved.

I'm looking forward to times what work becomes easy again(and all else), but as things are currently....
I'm happy that I don't have a job that I can screw up easily.

And I think I need a crisis work plan(for optimising my good moments and not feeling bad for the bad ones) because what if I have few more bad weeks? *(or months???) I think I'm more worried about how things would go on, the regular daily things, rather than the mental impact on me.

I'm tough. I can handle it. But my efficiency really suffers and I have responsibilities too, so I can fully take time off on a whim. So yeah...may be I need a crisis plan. Since it seems I'm in crisis often lately.

 

[One step at a time]

I'm sorry I don't have advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I struggle with this, too. It really does feel horrible, and it is really brave of you to keep working as best as you can, anyway.

 

[Bloomy]

I dont have advice either. Trying to hang in there my self. Crisis plan seems like a good idea do. And I also thought for myself I need something nice to look for ward to. A small vacation. A break of from it all. It seems your doing ok do as you are aware of things. But we must take care not to be to strong either. Speaking for my self atleast. Being to strong can in the end break my back. Find some possibilities for rest from the worries the thughts the struggles and it all.

Take well care.