Flashbacks Are Ruining My Sex Life

[bug]

Hey everyone. It's been awhile since I've logged on, and I think it's catching up to me. Ive had more flashbacks than usual--pretty much every day--and they are more often than not triggered by sex. I have a lovely boyfriend who knows about my PTSD, who would never hurt me and is pretty mindful and cautious when it comes to sex, because he doesn't want to trigger me in any way.

But either way, I keep having flashbacks, often where I have no idea who he is, mistaking him for my pimp or a John. Usually he tries to bring be back at that point, which of course doesn't work. I usually shake all over with my eyes rolling back in my head before passing out, sometimes for twenty minutes or more. My boyfriend is studying fire technology and med tech, so he keeps me safe during episodes, but I'm still so embarrassed and angry that this keeps happening--espedialy when i didn't feel unsafe to begin with!

does anyone have experience with this? Or advice on how I can stop my trauma from ruining what should be a positive, enjoyable experience?

Thank you for reading. <3

 

[Gs172003]

"But either way, I keep having flashbacks, often where I have no idea who he is, mistaking him for my pimp or a John"

Not of a pimp or John but of not knowing who he is. Mine are not severe enough for me to pass out but they suck none the less

 

[RavenGirl]

In so sorry this is happening to you and I wish I had some advice to help. Are either of you seeing a trauma therapist at this time? I would think / hope they could help you through this in some way. Good luck either way and know I feel for you and hope things get better. :hug:

 

[Dissociated1]

My heart goes out to you, bug. Our couples psychologist explained that it is rare for trauma survivors to recover their sexual function. This has been my experience. I am 56 and in 25+ years of marriage to 2 different women have never been able to bring myself to have intercourse. After my breakdown my wife and I had to stop even the physical intimacy we had been able to share because it was so triggering for my child alters.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you in therapy? Do you have grounding skills that help you? :hug:

 

[Gs172003]

My heart goes out to you, bug. Our couples psychologist explained that it is rare for trauma survi...

I don't believe for one second there's no way to deal with it. Or I don't want to believe it. There has to be.

 

[SometimesWriter]

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this, I wish I could give you some advice - does this happen every time you try to have sex or only some of the time? If it's only some of the time is there something that could be happening that triggers you?

For me, I only get uncomfortable if a partner starts to get a little aggressive and tries to hold me down or suggests binding in any way. Now that I've recognized that trigger I either casually change positions or I flat out tell the person I'm not into that and we should do something else.

Initially though, for many years after the assault it would make me really, really uncomfortable and I would have to stop and sometimes I'd shut down, but back then I was still dissociated from the event and unable to put my finger on WHY it made me freak out so much.

I truly hope you can explore this together, maybe with a professional, and find ways for both you and your partner (and any future partners) to have enjoyable, rewarding intimacy again.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't believe for one second there's no way to deal with it. Or I don't want to believe it. There...

Agreed.

But I don't have alters, DID, or DDNOS. I don't go away/check out during sex. Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I have flashbacks, but I never go away.

 

[Dissociated1]

There are ways and there is always hope. Unfortunately like losing an arm or being disfigured in a fire, some injuries do not heal. Sadly statistics show the vast majority of victims do not recover.

 

[Gs172003]

I realized last year that I would always "become" someone else. I didn't realize I was doing it and I've been doing it forevvveerrr. Hubby didn't like it. One. Bit. So he told me to stop. Somehow he made it so I can't anymore so now I fade out. If for some reason I can't is when flashbacks etc happen. I would rather had stuck to being somebody else.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

But either way, I keep having flashbacks, often where I have no idea who he is, mistaking him for my pimp or a John.

This bit, where you don't know who he is? This is clearly a dissociative episode.

I used to have DID. When an alter comes out, you don't always develop amnesia or 'go away' fully. You can think of this as like driving a car, with you driving and your alters in the backseat; well, what happens is an alter jumps into the front seat and takes over, pushing you into the back seat. This means your alter can sit there, 'driving the car' and, in your case, not know who your boyfriend is, while you 'sit in the backseat' watching the entire transaction.

Even though you observe and remember the entire incident, that's still a classic dissociative experience.

Nothing to be afraid of, though.

You might try speaking aloud to this part of you, and introducing her to your boyfriend.

Ben