D
Deleted member 33023
I seem to be accelerating in my healing. Accepting that I have ptsd, facing my nightmares, one at a time. I have begun therapy with gusto with a wonderful therapist who specializes in trauma. I have a psychiatrist who handles my medication and coordinates with my therapist too. With medication, therapy and a lot of help from everyone here I have re-started my life.
I have gone back to work and I have been for a little over a month. My job can be stressful but I am doing it. I didn't loose my abilities just faith in my capabilities. I realize now I must focus a little harder as things distract me easier. All this is workable. It is a wonderful feeling to be free from the constant feeling of helplessness, guilt, and shame. I've had enough of that. I will become stronger and stronger. I will take care of myself first. I will not engage in abuse behavior from others. They will be told clearly that it is not right. It is abusive and they need to stop immediately. I will not sit quietly then regret it later feeling shame and having that cycle repeat over and over. What for? So I can go back to being a mouse, shaking, heart beating out of my chest, sweating, not thinking clearly, having no self confidence, self love? Who wants that? Not me.
I hope everyone will overcome this illness. It is debilitating. In a lot of ways I'm kind of glad I had it. It made me open my eyes to a whole new world of self care. Funny how much money we spend on our hair, nails, clothes but never really thought about emotional care. It is just as more important...no more important than physical care. It affects us physically in ways that can kills us. Stress is a killer...it has to be watched and cared for. Now I get it.
I have gone back to work and I have been for a little over a month. My job can be stressful but I am doing it. I didn't loose my abilities just faith in my capabilities. I realize now I must focus a little harder as things distract me easier. All this is workable. It is a wonderful feeling to be free from the constant feeling of helplessness, guilt, and shame. I've had enough of that. I will become stronger and stronger. I will take care of myself first. I will not engage in abuse behavior from others. They will be told clearly that it is not right. It is abusive and they need to stop immediately. I will not sit quietly then regret it later feeling shame and having that cycle repeat over and over. What for? So I can go back to being a mouse, shaking, heart beating out of my chest, sweating, not thinking clearly, having no self confidence, self love? Who wants that? Not me.
I hope everyone will overcome this illness. It is debilitating. In a lot of ways I'm kind of glad I had it. It made me open my eyes to a whole new world of self care. Funny how much money we spend on our hair, nails, clothes but never really thought about emotional care. It is just as more important...no more important than physical care. It affects us physically in ways that can kills us. Stress is a killer...it has to be watched and cared for. Now I get it.
