Happiness is kinda scary

[PDH]

So, I’ve been in a really good place.
I’m doing work that I love. Slowly building my ‘tribe’ of people who get me. Have a lot of support around me. And overall my symptoms have been very much in check. I guess you could say I’ve reached a point of experiencing some post traumatic growth.

But lately, I’m finding I’m starting to get scared.

Scared that the rug will get pulled out from under me, or that I’ve been happy so surely a crash must be coming soon....it’s like being in a happy place is feeling a bit scary at the moment.


Has anyone else been through this? How do you navigate it?

 

[ILoveLife]

Definitely going through that.

I think it's important to know that we feel fear for good reasons. Life isn't always going to be wonderful, trauma may not happen again but other stuff will, and we kinda already know that things can become more sour again, and somethings will be out of our control, others won't.

I've been thinking a lot about the impermanence of all things, life, people or pets, even moments. And that helps appreciate that right now things are as they are supposed to be and if we're not happy right now, asking ourselves what can we do to change that.

Also maybe sometimes we're already happy, just afraid to feel the actual emotion? :) It may help just to allow yourself to feel it.

 

[EveHarrington]

No advice really other than to just ride it out. I felt the same when I started stabilizing on meds. The roller coaster wasn’t fun, but there was comfort in the familiar. Without it I felt lost. I still have blips, but it’s nothing like before.

 

[frogthroat]

Scared that the rug will get pulled out from under me, or that I’ve been happy so surely a crash must be coming soon....it’s like being in a happy place is feeling a bit scary at the moment.

I've been told this an old coping mechanism. If you're always prepared for the worst you won't get the rug pulled out from under you because you expect that to happen automatically. Maybe it was a good coping mechanism while trauma was occurring but now it's a hindrance.
I still do this when I'm really stressed. It takes time to unlearn but I feel like I'm the captain of my own ship even more now that I allow myself to generally be content and relaxed no matter the circumstance. It's definitely one of the harder regulation skills to learn.

 

[PDH]

thanks so much for all your replies. It’s really helpful to hear that others have experienced this kind of thing.

Just an update on where I’m at with it...I’ve been sitting with the fear. And it turns out there’s a lot of different layers to it.

One layer of the fear that has surprised me is that I’ve made peace (for lack of a better word) with my trauma. I know within myself that what happened to me doesn’t make me wrong, or bad...but there is a fear there that if the people around me found out about my history, THEY would think those things about me...And that’s kind of scary.

My relationship with this fear I’ve been feeling is changing. I’m not as fearful of the fear...I’m more curious about it...and I’m starting to learn about it.

This is just another step in the journey I guess.

 

[99Phoenix99]

But lately, I’m finding I’m starting to get scared.

Scared that the rug will get pulled out from under me, or that I’ve been happy so surely a crash must be coming soon....it’s like being in a happy place is feeling a bit scary at the moment.

I’ve experienced this multiple times over the years .... and am currently stuck in this. I’m sorry you’re in this cycle of fear as well, but as selfish as it sounds, I’m also relieved to see I’m not alone.

The past two weeks I’ve been teetering on the verge of tears, melancholy, jumpiness, anger, and fear. Only this past month did I start EMDR, and I’ve been going to my safe place memory to instill a calm within myself but it’s been a temporary fix at best. I keep falling down that rabbit hole of “what’s the point? It’s just going to happen again” ... which I know is a bad spiral to be in.

I’m interested to hear what others have to say on this topic and how they cope.