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Sexual Assault Has anyone ever confronted their past abuser?

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I used to get drunk and then seek out closure from my pst abusers all I can say is AWFUL IDEA. The abusive person will never admit to what they did they will blame you and tell you you’re crazy and then they will tell you 4 different versions of what happened in the same sitting. They will try and make you crazy and they will try and make you question your memory and they will try and make it
Your fault. I had a boyfriend pin me down and rip out chucks of my hair while repeating over and over again for me to “toughen up” and when He finally let me go he threw me onto his bed and said that is why I’m a man and you are a f*cking woman’s when I tried to get closure he told me a couple diff things ....one that he was just trying to get the knots out of my hair, because I don’t brush it (bullshit there were f*cking chunks of my hair all over his floor) the other was that I just let it happen like a little doll the third was that never happened . I will never ever ask any abuser for closure because to put it extremely nicely you can’t reason with unreasonable people. They are not like us. They are sick individuals
 
Thanks for the reply. I go through periods of time where I feel like I have gotten better... or even ov...
I think the exercise of confronting as to be at the right time, if at all. I'm not sure but I think the exercise to move us into "caring" for ourselves and what happened and putting the responsibility where it belongs, which is not on the victim. You can write a letter, look at it, keep it in a drawer for awhile and decide a year later if you want to send it. You can write a letter, and have a ceremony and burn the letter and with it any feelings of responsibility. Whatever you do should be done with the purpose of giving you some personal power. for years I could not say that abusers name. Now I can say it.
 
I’d like to confront mine. I used to want to know why, but it’s not like he’d have a good answer. Now I want to know what I did to make him hate me so much as to bully and humiliate me for months, rape me, then bully and humiliate me at school for another 7 months. I can’t wrap my head around it. So I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. So what?? I’d love to hear what he had to say about it, but judging by some of these responses it isn’t worth it. Still- our 30th HS reunion is this year. If I go and he is there I don’t think I can remain silent.

I actually confronted him!!! He sent me a friend request on Facebook a couple of months ago. A couple of months before that, I had performed a monologue (in front of people!), detailing what he did to me and I had a video of it. When I received the friend request, after I finished shaking and freaking out and trying not to throw up, I sent him the video along with the line "Funny, I was just talking about you." I couldn't believe I had sent it, but I had kept it inside for 30+ years and had enough of that. It was crazy how the timing was on my 12 Reasons Why trigger, PTSD, and subsequent monologue and video. It seemed like I had processed things enough so that I was actually ready to confront him with it when he made contact.

Well, fast forward two months later and I have been able to ask him every why question I have thought of. Surprisingly he has had answers that, although I didn't like what they were, I was glad to have them. All I had before was whatever speculation I came up with. I know it probably shouldn't matter, since what's done is done and the reason why isn't as important as the fact he did what he did. He has taken full ownership of it, surprisingly. I never thought he would have done that. He was such an asshole back then, that I had zero expectations of any kind of heart or niceness or self-awareness.

He showed my video to his therapist and it hit him hard when the T told him what he did was rape. He has since even used the R word in one of his apologies. Admittedly, that sent me in a PTSD spiral when he said it. I'm not sure why. In one way I felt absolved of all responsibility but on the other hand it was disturbing to think in no uncertain terms that I had really, officially, been raped-no more doubt about it since even the rapist himself said it. That hit me really hard.

I know this is a highly unusual situation and in probably 99.9% of the time this would never happen this way. But in my case it did help. I would hope that even if he had been a dick about it, it would have been a positive thing for me to stand up to him anyway, just so he knew exactly what he did and what I thought about what he did.
 
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