Ever since my son was killed, I am finding it nearly impossible to trust anyone around my children...even grandparents and on really bad days, my own husband. I have no justification for this, as they are plenty competent. My son was killed by his two licensed daycare providers, so it wasn't even a family member. It is so bad that the other day I was in the shower and my husband said he was going to keep our one year old nearby but he went downstairs to close the garage and talk to our neighbors. I called out to him from the shower, noticing that it was eerily quiet. He didn't answer.
I called out at least three or four more times, each time becoming progressively more frantic and all I could see in my mind was this horrible situation where my husband was trying to take the wheelbarrow we had borrowed back over to our neighbor's house with one hand, leaving only one hand to hold our son, and that my son had fallen and fractured his skull open on the driveway and brain matter was scattered. I of course had a panic attack and was about to turn off the water, soap and shampoo and all, and run downstairs when he came back up. It took me hours to calm down after this, and he just kept telling me that I'm ridiculous basically and that I'm essentially too paranoid.
AM I being too paranoid and ridiculous? I TRY to explain to him that the fact that I've had a traumatic life even before our son was killed makes it even harder to handle things like this, and told him through tears that he can't do that to me - tell me he will be somewhere with our son and then not be there and not tell me because it's scares me so much.
I called out at least three or four more times, each time becoming progressively more frantic and all I could see in my mind was this horrible situation where my husband was trying to take the wheelbarrow we had borrowed back over to our neighbor's house with one hand, leaving only one hand to hold our son, and that my son had fallen and fractured his skull open on the driveway and brain matter was scattered. I of course had a panic attack and was about to turn off the water, soap and shampoo and all, and run downstairs when he came back up. It took me hours to calm down after this, and he just kept telling me that I'm ridiculous basically and that I'm essentially too paranoid.
AM I being too paranoid and ridiculous? I TRY to explain to him that the fact that I've had a traumatic life even before our son was killed makes it even harder to handle things like this, and told him through tears that he can't do that to me - tell me he will be somewhere with our son and then not be there and not tell me because it's scares me so much.
