Relationship He Said We Needed Space, I Don't Even Know If We're Speaking

[shadesofgreen]

@Kailani Thank you. It does. I had that long phone call, and then a whole day of nothing, even though there were reasons to communicate. I am trying not to take it personally, but I know I'm not a priority right now. It's still hard.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I am trying not to take it personally, but I know I'm not a priority right now.

I wouldn't look at it like that. It sounds like he may be trying to protect you. Especially when he says...

it suddenly dawned on him that he loved me and he didn't want to be in this state when he saw me

He may not want to expose you to him at his worst.

 

[shadesofgreen]

This was actually a really eye opening experience for both of us. It's strange to say that this situation brought us closer even though we've never physically been further. I also called him for a logistical thing and he was adamant he would speak to me later about everything else. I just breezily let him know that when he was ready, I'd be there. I am learning not to let my anxiety get in the way of this.

 

[shadesofgreen]

I am flabbergasted that I am posting this, but those Facebook photos of him and this girl keep appearing. I finally - after about two weeks of waiting to see if he'd address it with me - texted him the photo and asked for an explanation. I didn't accuse him of cheating. I didn't come off snarky or mean. I just want to know why I am blocked, why he is posting photos with this girl, and why I am not being respected. I know that he's told me she is just a friend before, but I want him to tell me again and explain why people are perceiving this to be something else. It's like I don't exist except when he's broken. That's not okay! PTSD or not, I have feelings here, and they've been attached to him.

He's calling me for support, but he's with her? I don't think so. Milk, cow.

BTW, I feel like a double fool, as I sent him a care package that will land at his place today. It's got a sweet card, a book, and a tie for his interview.

He is about to lose the best thing that ever happened to him. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

@shadesofgreen your last 2 posts are very different. I can only say (for myself) if the interest is not there I both lose interest myself & feel like best (they/ he) have each other. Or I encourage them to.

I think especially trust is critical. Trust to me (in all respects, & all relationships) doesn't mean I can trust the other person only when they cannot be revealed as untrustworthy, but rather I can trust them when I would not know the difference (integrity). And they should expect the same from me.

Sometimes people get mixed up though. Or things are misunderstood. You did nothing wrong. Hopefully if that is the case you will meet someone who can ideally both value you & reciprocate. PTSD is no excuse.

I should add, (I'm sorry I couldn't read all) if it is a dating relationship I think it is disrespectful. In other relationships I don't think there's blame that is due, it's just people's personal choice(s). However feeling lousy or being with or dealing with untrustworthiness is not something I need, I can manage that on my own! It equates to no safety & mind games or dishonesty, which comes back to trust. Untrustworthy in some things might mean they are untrustworthy in a lot (& vice versa).

You deserve someone who finds you as special as you are. :hug:

 

[Peach]

The last 2 posts are very different, as @Junebug said. I suspect you'll be wishy washy for a while until something comes to a head and you decide to stay or go.

 

[Tinyflame]

I came back here @shadesofgreen because of @Peach 's tag, & I sincerely apologize because I simply can't get through all the text right now, but looking @Sweetpea76 's post directly above, I'm just wondering if it's your own doubt coming in to play? (It's hard to trust.)

Best wishes to you whatever way it turns out. :hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

You know him, we don't. Ask yourself honestly and rationally if he is the cheating type. If you believe him and trust him, then I wouldn't worry about a picture.

On the other hand, if you think he purposely has you blocked from his facebook to keep you out of the loop, and he is posting pictures of other women he is dating, then that is another thing. PTSD does not cause infidelity. He still has the ability to chose right from wrong. No matter how bad my vet has ever been, he has never cheated... ever. I'm sure there are a lot of supporters here that can say the same.

 

[shadesofgreen]

It's two pictures. And I think that I'm more upset because I felt duped by the previous conversation I had with him.

Needless to say, I went to my first therapy session last night and got some good advice.

I made it a point to reach out to my vet and let him know that I wanted to discuss - I was very non threatening but I confronted him with what I knew - so I hope he reaches out to me and we can work that out. Right now I'm at a stand still, but I'm working on my own anxiety.

Thank you so much for the support.

 

[Peach]

As for the pictures, here's what I'm thinking. If the relationship was happy and healthy and I was getting the love, support, and attention I needed then I wouldn't mind the pictures of another girl. But with the blocking and breakdown in communication, those same pics would have the potential to make me insecure and think the worst. Even KNOWING that Tater wouldn't cheat, yeah, I'd want an explanation. And if I was still uncomfortable, he should be respectful enough of me to take them down.

 

[shadesofgreen]

@Peach That's exactly how I'm feeling. I can't stress enough that I'm willing to work with him. I'm hoping for the best but anticipating the worst. Not hearing back from him is the worst this time. I'm afraid he won't come around at all.

 

[shadesofgreen]

This keeps getting more horrifying for me. He took her on the business trip with him! He's plastering this everywhere - my mind has run amuck, but clearly he isn't interested in pursuing our relationship like that. No, I don't have proof, and my gut instinct is actually that he is such a mess he doesn't even realize how badly he's screwed up but - I need to see the light.

This is clearly over and I need to accept that. My wants and needs are different than his right now. I can't let him speak out of both sides of his mouth. He played me for a fool, I caught on, and now it's done.

I am so offended that he couldn't just be honest and tell me he wanted someone knew that I am seeing new colors.

I am not even dignifying this with an angry message or response.