Relationship He told me to go "do what I want"

[caligirl03]

My combat vet and I are going on a "break" after a rough few months in which we've both been pretty hurtful to one another. I also told him I "was done" in the heat of an argument, which is a dealbreaker for him. Although I've apologized profusely and am working on better communication, our relationship hasn't been the same since. He also isn't doing too great in school right now so there's that added pressure as well. So yesterday he told me he wanted to end things, but then 20 minutes later said he just needed some space to think things through. When pressed for a general ballpark of time (something we learned in therapy), he said around 2 weeks. I also asked if we're going to "see" other people during this time (I have no interest, but I feel like it's better to leave things clear), he said no, but then told me to "go do whatever I want." What the heck?! I really don't understand why he would say that. It's like he doesn't care at all.

 

[EveHarrington]

I also asked if we're going to "see" other people during this time (I have no interest, but I feel like it's better to leave things clear), he said no, but then told me to "go do whatever I want." What the heck?! I really don't understand why he would say that. It's like he doesn't care at all.

He thought it meant you wanted to see other people.

You did say “we”, not “you”, but “we”.

I think his reaction is 100% normal.

He is hurt, thinks you want to see other people, and reacted.

Next time be clear.

“Do you want to see other people? I have no interest in seeing other people and won’t be seeing other people, because I want to focus on us. I just want to know where we stand and want to know what your intentions are.”

Can you see how what you said was ambiguous?

 

[Sweetpea76]

“Do you want to see other people?

... OR that coulda bit you in the ass because he would have felt accused of skirt chasing.

What the heck?! I really don't understand why he would say that.

Sometimes you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, especially if he’s reactive. Anything you’d say would be “wrong”. This may be one of those times.

Hopefully you’ll get a little space and peace during this break too.

 

[EveHarrington]

... OR that coulda bit you in the ass because he would have felt accused of skirt chasing.

In terms of straightforward grammar, my version is to the point. It’s not this ambiguous “we” stuff that people use when they are unable to be assertive and say exactly what they mean.

I was just trying to help and point out that the OP’s “clear” communication still was vague and ambiguous so I can see why he got upset.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@EveHarrington I wasn’t saying you’re wrong, so there is no need to defend yourself. I just added my opinion.

 

[LovingH]

Yeah, if someone says "I just need space to think through things"..that's a lot different than "let's take a relationship break where we're effectively broken up so we can try other people out."

It doesn't sound to me like he reacted that way out of not caring about you. Sounds like it's jealousy, and concern that YOU wanna see other people. Are you sure that deep down you don't maybe wanna do the 2nd type of relationship break? Where you WOULD see other people?

If not, I would take some time to explain to him what your motives were in asking that question..that you just wanted clarification.

 

[Sinner]

My combat vet and I are going on a "break" after a rough few months in which we've both been pretty hurtful to one another. I also told him I "was done" in the heat of an argument, which is a dealbreaker for him. Although I've apologized profusely and am working on better communication, our relationship hasn't been the same since. He also isn't doing too great in school right now so there's that added pressure as well. So yesterday he told me he wanted to end things, but then 20 minutes later said he just needed some space to think things through. When pressed for a general ballpark of time (something we learned in therapy), he said around 2 weeks. I also asked if we're going to "see" other people during this time (I have no interest, but I feel like it's better to leave things clear), he said no, but then told me to "go do whatever I want." What the heck?! I really don't understand why he would say that. It's like he doesn't care at all.

I'm sorry. I know that must have hurt. I hope things get better for you both.