Help . . . How Am I Going To Get Through The Holidays?

[sky dancer]

My partner and I are having 'Jewish Christma'. Chinese food and a movie.

In past years, my partner and I made it a practice of going to silent Buddhist meditation retreats over the holidays.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

So today was the cookie bake and I had a really good time. I am so glad I went! It was even hard to leave because it was nice to have everyone together. Who knows when that will happen again. Okay, so I took Xanax to calm myself enough to get there, but once there, it was fun. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi PH,

Congratulation on gathering the courage to go! I am so happy to hear that you had a good time. Sometimes its not where we are going, the how we are going to get there that is the toughest part.

Deb

 

[shadowchaser]

Glad to hear you had a good time. Wishing the best for you this Christmas.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Kinda upset tonight. My girls have decided to spend all of Christmas day with their dad. I know it is what was in the parenting plan and I have to accept it. I don't have to like it though. They invited me to come over and spend time with them there. Ya....not gonna happen. Just makes me sad.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

It is Christmas eve. Another anniversary. Last time I saw my mom was Christmas eve. She was being taken out of the house on a stretcher. I still see the scene and feel the fear like it was yesterday. I am having some anxiety and feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Between my girls going to their dads and this memory I am struggling a bit right now. I am feeling like the little girl who needs to be held and comforted and wasn't. OH...guess I am that little girl grown up who still doesn't have that, or maybe doesn't want to allow it. Too much hurt there. Tears keep coming unexpectedly. I keep trying to hold onto the reason for celebrating Christmas instead of letting the hurt wash over me. There is much to celebrate. There is much to grieve. Somehow I need to find the balance and celebrate this day with my girls. First I will let the tears wash over me for a bit. Just need to let them out, then maybe I will be able to breath and focus on today. Not only focus, but celebrate and enjoy. My girls are worth it, and I guess I am too.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

PH - crying is so healthy in my opinion. SO many times in the midst of anxiety I have prayed to cry instead. Can't recall the amount of times I've said 'I'd take grieving over fear any day of the week'. I really mean that from my perspective - I would rather cry than have an anxiety attack. I feel like I now know which one is healthier.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((((Pottershand)))))))))))))))

Sending love....
deer

 

[seedling]

I hope you can take care of yourself and then find the strength to make it a new Christmas Eve with your girls.
They will have a good memory of being with you and when they are grown they will understand better what you have done for them in working so hard to enjoy your time with them.

Take care.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Thanks for the encouragement. I really thought I had a handle on this. Didn't really hit me until last night. I'm trying to come up with a new tradition to start. Maybe just celebrating Christmas Eve with my girls is enough of a new tradition for this year. Would love any other simple suggestions for traditions.

Again thanks all. I don't know sometimes how I would get through all this without the support and encouragement of you all. Touches my heart deeply.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

PH - I'm taking this christmas really easy!!

For the first time in my entire LIFE *I* am dictating my xmas day. I'm going to get up when I'm ready. I'm NOT attending the 'family gathering' (though I was invited and I appreciated that - long story). I'm going to be taking constant phone calls from my partner (we're apart this year on xmas and that can't be helped), listening to music, chilling.. then in the afternoon my Mum is coming around and we are going to watch a couple of movies and eat. I'm going to have a couple of beers (I never drink beer!!!) at which point I will probably pass out quite happily.

All in all - I refuse to participate in the 'stress' for now. Not this year. I told my T that and she thought it was a very wise decision. So there we have it. Probably why I'm one of the few not stressed about christmas. I'd invite you except I'm not sure the flight would get you here in time. But basically - this christmas my apartment has a 'chillax' sign posted right above the door.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Jen...that sounds like a wonderful 'chillaxing' day. Inspires me to slow down and realize I am not responsible to make everyone happy or content. Need to remember to do something for me. You probably think that was a simple post, but it really just lifted a load of stress off by reminding me I don't have to be stressed.....whew....much better! Thank you so much! Merry Chillaxing Christmas to you!