HELP - I'm in Emotional Agony Right Now

[mightsurvive]

I'm so sorry to ask for help its not the way I am. I hate attention but I have no other option at the moment. I( am not suicidal but the next worst thing. I just got back from the new counsellors and it was soooo traumatic. I feel disgusted with being me, I hate me and i dont want to be me anymore. I want the feelings to stop but they never will. I want to turn back time so that i can change what happened but i cant. aaaaaaaargggggggggggghhhh. Is there anyone out there who is strong enough just to listen. You dont even have to say anything back apart from that you are listening. I just need to not feel this awful loneliness.

 

[mightsurvive]

sorry - i dont have the right to ask

 

[Deleted member 93]

You know the counselors, therapists, and doctors can be hard to deal with. Many of us have felt exactly as you described so we do understand. What happened there that you feel so bad? Was it because you addressed issues? Just trying to get a clearer picture. Sometimes some get way out in left field and cause upset which is not good, or most of the time address issues which is good in the end... Just feels horrible now.

Have you been taught and practiced coping skills for recovering after sessions? What sort of things do you do?

I want the feelings to stop but they never will

This is thinking in absolutes. As seems to be the forum theme "black and white" thinking. You are telling yourself something that is simply untrue. Your feelings do evolve and change. This does get better. Yes, we all still have low points but they really do come less often and with less severity because the further you advance in helpful therapy the better you get at knowing the new you and accepting it. Your thinking styles will evolve... And how you think about certain things really do impact how you feel mentally, emotionally, and yes, even physically as much of it is tied into one another.

You are not alone. I am listening now.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Of course you do. Just like many have the right to say no.

 

[Kathy]

sorry - i dont have the right to ask

That is absolutely not true mightsurvive. You may ask for help anytime here. That is the point of this forum. However, members are not always online and thus do not always respond immediately. Additionally, some will only respond if they feel they have something useful to say. I fall into that category, as I am a carer rather than a sufferer. I don't often respond in the PTSD forum. I am sorry you are going through a rough patch at present, however please be patient, within a few hours I am certain you will have a few responses. Veiled has already responded to you, and you get more I am sure. Take good care.

 

[mightsurvive]

Thank you so much veiled. Ihope you are right - i so want to believe you are right but its impossible for me to feel like that right now. I told my new counsellor EVERYTHING. and i mean everything. and it made me feel so bad and like im a waste of space and effort. I wish i didnt think that though. I wasnt aware there were coping techniques for sessions. Please tell if ok. She is now the only one who knows everything and i wish i hadnt said anything at all. She was nice and said a lot of nice things about me but i just dont agree with her about them. All i want to do is rip my head off so that i can stop thinking. Not gonna happen tho is it so that makes me even more depressed. Thank yiou ever so much for just listening. It really does mean the world to me coz i no u do understand what it can be like.

 

[Claire]

I'm all ears too. I've had a rough time seeing new therapists myself. What happened? you can tell as much or as little as you want but you dont have to keep it to yourself.

 

[mightsurvive]

Im so sorry Kathy. I never ment to infer that i didnt think people were responding to my post. And i dont blame people if they dont - some of us are just not strong enough. All i meant is that i dont think im worthwhile answering. Dont think i deserve the care. Thanks for your answer. Just hope i didnt upset anyone by thinking the way i do. I'm feeling so low i cant help it. Sorry

 

[mightsurvive]

Thank yo ever so much claire. Im just so mixed up right now. I told her every little detail of what happened. There were some words i couldnt say and she filleed in the blanks and i nodded. So many flashbacks during that session. I just want it all to go away now. Too much going on in my head and it wont stop. It scared me beyond belief. But i went there with the intention of getting it all out in the open and thats what i did so i should be proud of myslef. I'm just not capable of seeing the benefite or of thinking anything positive about myself at the moment. And i just feel liike im living in eternal hell. I feel like everything that happened was my own fault even though i no i shouldnt. just cant help those feelings and emotions right now. How do i stop the thoughts going round and round my head now. The only way i no is to slap myself and thats not really working. I took on too much by getting it all out. I'm completely flooded and overwhelmed. Thank you for listening it really does help to no im not alone.

 

[Kathy]

Im so sorry Kathy. I never ment to infer that i didnt think people were responding to my post.

Mightsurvive, please don't apologize. It is not necessary as you have done nothing wrong. Please feel free to post as you wish, with no guilt. And know that although I personally do not always respond, I do read most posts here and my thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

 

[mightsurvive]

thabnk you kathy. That really means a lot. Made me cry more but in a good way so ty again.

 

[sunnydaze]

I don't mind listening to what you need to say. It helps me when I possibly can offer hope or encouragement to someone else. It distracts me from my problems and also lets me know there are many out there that suffer as I. Hang in their. You can't see our faces so you need not be ashamed. Writing and emailing is a good thing to do. I feel your pain. I have seen the same T for 10 years, he is compassionate and kind and geniunely cares. I still can't look him in the eyes when I talk about my issues.